It Wouldn’t Be Christmas Time Without A Lady Hoodrat Brawl At The Mall, Now Would It?

This little slice of Americana comes to you from the King of Prussia Mall, right off the Pennsylvania Turnpike about 20 miles west of Philly. There's a "Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery" there. A fitting name.

To be sure, the cinematography on this one is horrendous. However, seconds eight through 15 are an adequate scene setter for 0:21-0:28 and 0:50-0:52 in which the world gets to see 1) how an obese scorpion would fend for itself on an angry desert floor against an obeser scorpion and 2) how it would shimmy itself up after getting pantsed. Grey hooded sweatshirt blocks the view at the perfect time, one has to assume.

Weave remnants enter the frame around 1:30, which is always a plus, while a lean, mean rental-security machine restores nothing-to-see-here order about 20 seconds later. "It's hood up in KOP, dawg. It's hood. Oh Lord, ghetto children, I swear," our trusty narrator concludes. He's too quick to judge.

Anyway, here's the rest of the Tuesday Night Fights undercard:

• Dos young latinas use fists to settle an undefined score. • Awesome ghetto laundromat fight interrupted by rimjobeteer who decided it was funny to dance in front of the footage. It wasn't. But, we'll always have the first 30 seconds. • They got knocked the fuck out. One right after the other. By the same fist. • North Philly street fights. With boxing gloves! And passing cars!! • Smoky fender bender ends in fist- and kickicuffs. • Ladies fight on the subway in Brooklyn. What what. • Writes the videographer of this white-trash extravaganza, "Everyone in this video is 18 or older and this took place in a private residence, no crimes were committed." Except simple assault. And having a really fucking annoying voice. • This one's titled, " 1 guy Fights Entire party Fueld by Jagermeister and COPS." • Oh look: " Sports broadcaster attacks co-host over racial slur at national tv taping at Club Amnesia NYC." • And finally, This is what happens when you're "headed to the crib after performing at Cafe Lura up North, me and some of the guys stopped at the gas station to get some cigarillos, and what do ya know? Some chicks was in the gas station gettin it crackin."