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The Dave Duerson Autopsy Report Is Predictably Heartbreaking
The Miami-Dade County medical examiner has released her final report on the death of former NFLer Dave Duerson, who shot himself through the heart last month and instructed that his brain be donated to head trauma research. Confirmed by the report is that Duerson complained of "memory loss and inabi...

Alex Trebek Calling College Football Highlights Is Strangely Calming
Solid Verbal presents the highlights of an Oregon-Stanford game, called by Jeopardy's Alex Trebek. The man stays remarkably calm throughout the close game; with Stanford down 45-31 and just over two minutes to play, he somberly tells his viewers, "in crisis mode, it's all going to come down to thi...

Jerking Off In Congress: A Bipartisan Debate
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Email the Funbag here. Today, we're covering semen, allergies, boogers, and more....

Tiger Woods Is Screwing Again, Everybody Run
Tiger Woods is at Bay Hill this week and one restless journalist there will ask about the reports that Tiger is now boning an IMG exec's stepdaughter. Maybe two. But if that happens, playful Tiger on Jimmy Fallon reverts back to scowling Tiger and then every writer there will have to work much hard...

Compiling The Absurd Box Score For <em>Space Jam</em>; Or, Shawn Bradley Sucked Against Cartoons, Too
This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective. Over the next few days, they'll be applying rigorous statistical analysis to some of the finest basketball movies in the history of cinema (and also Hoosiers). Today: Space Jam by t...

Blake Griffin Got A Technical On This Dunk And It Was Worth It
We haven't had too much of a Blake-reel on the site ever since he dunked over a car and hyped a football recruit, but here he is. Against Phoenix on Sunday, Blake Griffin took a pass from Mo Williams off the pick-and-roll, threw this dunk over Marcin Gortat's head, and got called for the offensive...

Even Through The Tears, Young Texas Fan Manages A Brave Hook 'Em Horns
Your morning roundup for March 21, the day shots were fired over the price of a Beefy Crunch Burrito....

Your NCAA Tournament Sweet Sixteen Finishing Touches Open Thread
In the next few hours, all attendees will have RSVP'd for the Sweet Sixteen extravaganza. The final five match-ups are Arizona vs. Texas; VCU vs. Purdue; Marquette vs. Syracuse; Illinois vs. Kansas; and in the weekend's final game, Florida State vs. Notre Dame....

Danica Patrick Cusses Like An Everyday Trucker
After a bump with Ryan Truex at the Scotts EZ Seed 300 at Bristol Motor Speedway led to a vehicle-to-wall rendezvous, NASCAR spokesdriver Danica Patrick worked up some foul words and made her objections visibly known when she exited her ride....

Kentucky Fan Enters The Memorable Tournament-Time Hairstyle Fray
Tipster Jeffrey G. was kind enough to send in that screenshot from today's Kentucky/West Virginia game. He also asked, "When did George Washington become a Kentucky basketball fan"? A better question is, "Why do both haircentric-tip targets from the past nine days have a ginger boy next to them"?...

Bernard Hopkins Reminds You To Have Your Pit Bulls Spayed Or Neutered
Everlasting boxer Bernard "The Executioner" Hopkins and fellow Philly pugilist Mike Jones will lend their mugs to a non-profit's campaign urging the people of Camden, NJ to get their pit bulls fixed. For context, Camden is often voted the nation's most dangerous city, and one that laid off 83 cops ...

This Is How You Looked In 1990, America
This isn't sports, beyond a Mets kid and what I believe is a Randy White Cowboys shirtsey. But it is America, in the summer of 1990, as pictured at your local mall. As someone who wasn't old enough to be dressing myself in 1990, I can say: shame on you, past people. [How To Be A Retronaut]...

Barry Bonds Is Probably Guilty Of Being A Prick
The prosecution in the case, which begins jury selection today, really wants to make this trial about that. But it's not. It's not about steroids either, actually. It's a perjury case, to determine whether he was lying when he said he didn't take illegal things, which might not have been illegal at ...

A Golden Shower Isn’t Fun If You Didn’t Ask For One
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase six heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Morehead State's Demonte Harper Just Knew He'd Send Rick Pitino Home As A Loser
Your morning roundup for March 18, the day the world braces for the biggest, brightest full moon in a while....

An Advanced Statistical Analysis Of Jimmy Chitwood's Basketball Performance In <em>Hoosiers</em>
This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective. Over the next few days, they'll be applying rigorous statistical analysis to some of the finest basketball movies in the history of cinema (and also Hoosiers). Today: Calculating Ji...

Transgender Thai Wows TV-Show Audience With Bait-And-Switch Performance
Did you catch "Thailand's Got Talent" this week? If not, you missed a competitor much like Susan Boyle if Susan Boyle was a singer named Bell Nuntita who looks and sounds like a female angel until the masculine bass comes out to shine....

The Waiver-Wire Prospects of <em>MLB 2K11</em>
I'm thinking of a famous, very touching monologue by Earl Weaver, the Hall of Fame manager of the Baltimore Orioles, talking about cutting players during spring training.… [Kotaku] ...

Really, Montreal Fans? A Protest Against Head Shots <em>Now</em>?
Tonight, before the Habs' game against the Capitals, a couple thousand fans will rally outside the Bell Centre to demand that something be done about head shots in hockey. Except it's a lot more likely they're really agitating for something to be done about the head shot on Max Pacioretty....

"I Want My Wife To Stick Her Finger Up My Butt"
No time for tiddlywinks. Your letters:...