yo Page 276 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT REALLY HAPPENED<em></em>
I scared the shit out of my kids. They had already been subjected to three hours of me clapping and yelling and screaming at the TV, bearing witness to an utterly deranged side of their father that they almost certainly would have preferred to never learn about. I sat. I stood. I paced. No position ...

Sleepy DeMarcus Cousins Pays Dearly For Passing Ball To Wrong Team
In the opening minutes of today’s Knicks-Pelicans tilt DeMarcus Cousins found himself in an awkward spot, loading up a pass to teammate Anthony Davis just as Davis shifted inside, and as defenders Enes Kanter and Kristaps Porzingis closed in to deny the action. Sunday afternoon basketball is sometim...

Knicks Point Guard Options Are Somehow Getting Even More Depressing
A lingering sore spot for your New York Knicks, who’ve spent most of the last month sucking and losing, is point guard: Frank Ntilikina might one day be the answer at the NBA’s most important position, but right now he’s a wildly inefficient offensive player playing backup minutes behind, of all peo...

Trae Young Buried TCU Under A Barrage Of Insane Three-Pointers
Trae Young rules. He leads all of NCAA Division 1 basketball in both scoring and assists, and his 9th-ranked Sooners lead the nation in points per game. Back in mid-December, Young, a freshman playing in his 10th official college game, tied an all-time record when he dished 22 assists in 29 minutes,...

Atlanta Falcons Somehow Lose To Nick Foles<em></em>
In the month since losing starting quarterback and MVP candidate Carson Wentz, the Philadelphia Eagles have played a skittish backup at quarterback behind a spotty offensive line, at the exact time that their highly ranked defense began collapsing. The franchise hadn’t won a playoff game since 2009,...

Please Enjoy This Tecmo Super Bowl Simulation Of Tonight's Titans-Patriots Game
Your halftime entertainment is a CPU vs CPU simulation of tonight’s Titans-Patriots game in Tecmo Super Bowl, and it’s LIVE: ...
![Hawaiians Watching Morning Sports Treated To Terrifying "THIS IS NOT A DRILL" Missile Threat Alert [UPDATES]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Hawaiians Watching Morning Sports Treated To Terrifying "THIS IS NOT A DRILL" Missile Threat Alert [UPDATES]
A false alarm missile threat emergency message went across the Hawaiian islands today, blowing up phones and triggering the Emergency Alert System, something most of us have only ever experienced in our lives as “this is only a test.” Hawaiians who got up early to watch soccer or basketball instead ...

Lauri Markkanen Beat Kristaps Porzingis At His Own Game
Remember the end of the last Knicks season, when Phil Jackson, having totally alienated and depressed the trade value of Carmelo Anthony, hinted that he might go full demon and undo the only good thing he’d ever done, drafting Kristaps Porzingis? Remember when he reportedly wanted to dangle him for ...

The Fellas Are Talkin' Football
The big game is coming up this weekend. Vikings vs. Bad Guys. It’s all on the line. Who’s ready?...

Anthony Duclair And The Blackhawks Need Each Other
The Chicago Blackhawks on Wednesday made a moderately sized trade splash, acquiring forward Anthony Duclair from the Arizona Coyotes along with defenseman Adam Clendening for forwards Richard Panik and Laurent Dauphin. It sets up the Blackhawks in a number of ways—they get younger, and they clear ca...

Hot Stove Glows Faintly
A few months after the New York Mets traded Jay Bruce to Cleveland for next to nothing, they’re bringing him back. Bruce, who hit a career-high 36 home runs last year and turns 31 in the spring, has reportedly signed a three-year deal with the team for $39 million: ...

Bills GM Says Richie Incognito's Alleged Racist Slurs Were "A Misunderstanding"
Bills offensive guard Richie Incognito was accused by Jaguars defensive end Yannick Ngakoue of using racist slurs during Jacksonville’s playoff defeat of Buffalo on Sunday. But Bills GM Brandon Beane didn’t seem to think much of any potential in-game exchange between the two....

The Falcons' Defense Is Finding Itself At Just The Right Time
For much of this season, it’s been difficult to take the Atlanta Falcons seriously. After a 3-0 start, they lost back-to-back home games to the Bills and Dolphins before getting thumped by the Patriots, by which time the hangover from 28-3 had reached the coffee-and-aspirin phase. Their offense, eve...

Liverpool Mayor Writes Nutty Letter To The FA Calling For Investigation Of Ross Barkley Transfer
Joe Anderson is the mayor of Liverpool. He is also a diehard and delusional Everton fan. It is presumably this mix of a mayor’s political sway and a fan’s righteous indignation that inspired him to call the cops and ask them to investigate a transfer he didn’t like....

On Final Play, Tua Tagovailoa Took Everything Georgia Gave Him<em></em>
Tua Tagovailoa turned the Alabama offense into something it hasn’t been in living memory: fun. The true freshman, cannon-armed, fleet-legged quarterback who hadn’t played a snap of football that wasn’t in garbage time came on at halftime against Georgia and utterly transformed the moribund Crimson T...

Alabama's National Championship-Winning Touchdown, As Called On Radio & TV Around The Globe
As is our tradition, it’s time for us to compare how broadcasters on radio & TV locally, nationally, and internationally called DeVonta Smith’s 41-yard overtime touchdown pass from Tua Tagovailoa:...

Does The Panthers' Excuse For Cam Newton's Very Brief Concussion Exam Pass Muster?
The NFL and NFLPA are reportedly investigating the circumstances surrounding that massive hit to the brain Cam Newton took in the fourth quarter of yesterday’s loss to New Orleans. Newton was slow to get up after it happened. He fell to the ground as he left the field. He was tested for a concussion...

Cameron Jordan Ends Panthers' Season, Rubs It In By Sending Wine To Cam Newton<em></em>
Saints defensive lineman Cameron Jordan wrapped up a 31-26 win over the Panthers Sunday, dooming a last-gasp Carolina drive by rushing through two blockers and forcing Cam Newton to take a crucial intentional grounding penalty. Jordan kicked ass and talked a lot shit about the man who was supposed t...

Your <i>Tecmo Super Bowl</i> National Championship Simulation Is LIVE
It’s time for everyone’s favorite tradition: the CPU vs CPU simulation of tonight’s national championship game, using the original Tecmo Super Bowl on NES with fully-updated rosters. CLICK THROUGH TO WATCH:...

Jags Fans Can Willfully Disregard Fire Safety, Too<em></em>
Bills fans celebrated their team’s (short-lived) playoff run by traveling to Jacksonville in droves, laying waste to any table-like structure in their path, reportedly starting a garbage fire, drinking local bars dry, and generally behaving as expected. Jaguars fans also got to toast to their first ...