Time to take a look back at our most popular posts of 2016. We have our own thoughts about what our best posts were, but these are the ones that brought in the most readers.
Mississippi State defensive lineman Chris Jones had trouble staying upright as he finished his 40 attempt today at the NFL combine, and replays revealed why: his genitals came flying out of his shorts while trying to beat five seconds.
I was on the Jersey Turnpike when I saw it. I was driving my family to New York for Thanksgiving and there, along the shittiest stretch of road in the shittiest state in America, I saw the Williams-Sonoma fulfillment center: a vast hangar that seemed to stretch a mile long, with shipping containers lined up along the side, like piglets feeding on a series of artisanal teats. It was located in a town called Cranbury because of course it fucking was. It made me wonder if Williams-Sonoma chose the town of Cranbury specifically for the whimsy of it, or if they CREATED the town and christened it Cranbury just so that it could match their mission statement of bringing holiday cheer and $75 baskets of glazed figs to the world.
NBC couldn’t be arsed to show you Simone Manuel’s monumental medal ceremony after becoming the first black American woman to win an individual swimming event, as they felt it was more important to air seven-hour-old footage of Russians doing gymnastics badly. Here, then, is Manuel (with Canadian Penny Oleksiak, who tied for gold) at her medal ceremony, contrasted with what NBC felt more important to show you.
Draymond Green’s long summer of cock and balls-related controversy—he kneed Steven Adams in the dick, swiped at LeBron’s dick, and acted like a dick—continues unabated. Earlier today, amidst pictures of Melo sleeping and general Team USA shenanigans, an artfully crafted dick pic showed up on Green’s public Snapchat My Story, before swiftly being deleted.
The Idiot On The Field during tonight’s Monday Night Football game didn’t get much TV airtime, but Westwood One radio announcer Kevin Harlan gave the incident a treatment you absolutely MUST hear.
Longtime ESPN personality John Saunders is dead, as reported live this morning on SportsCenter by anchor Hannah Storm.
Donald Trump does not want to be the president.
Toronto and Texas brawled in the top of the eighth as punches were flying while the ball was still bouncing around the field. We’re waiting on a good video replay; for now, enjoy this feed from Fox Sports Southwest and KRLD.
Tonight three legends of swimming—Michael Phelps, Chad Le Clos, and László Cseh—turned in identical times to share silver in the 100m butterfly. Last night, Simone Manuel tied for gold with Canadian Penny Oleksiak in the 100m freestyle. Modern timing systems are capable of measuring down to the millionth of a second—so why doesn’t FINA, the world swimming governing body, increase its timing precision by adding thousandths-of-seconds?
This week’s scheduled move-in for the Olympic athletes’ village in Brazil fell flat, as the Australian delegation refused to enter the facilities due to serious issues with plumbing and fire safety.