The Winter Olympic Mascots Are ... Yeaagh! What The Hell? ...

Inspired by Native American tales of creatures that will claw children's eyes out if they don't behave, please welcome the new Winter Olympic mascots, Quatchi, Miga and Sumi! The Games are a mere 2 1/2 years from now, so these charming critters need to get right to work, doing, um, whatever it is they do. Informative and educational? Not in the least! Not a single one can actually be found in nature!

Each of the creatures is distinct and special - both in personality and in appearance. One is big, gentle and shy . . . one is small, mischievous and outgoing . . . and one is a natural-born leader with a passion for protecting the environment. All three are mythical creatures with roots in local legend. One is a sasquatch. One is a sea-bear. And one is an animal guardian spirit. They are all, to say the least, unique.

And, for the first time ever, there will be an official "mascot sidekick" — an Olympic character that didn't make the final cut, but will play on the practice squad, as it were.

A fourth character was selected as a 'mascot sidekick.' "We never intended to have a sidekick," said Gardiner, "but Mukmuk was so cute and such a perfect friend to the other characters that we had to keep him!" So history was made - the Vancouver Games is the first to have an official mascot sidekick.

Translation: Mukmuk is gay.

Looks like I'm going to need plenty of aspirin over the next two years.

Vancouver2010.com The Honor Of Olympic Mascots Is Restored [Everything's Corner]