OK, this is getting ridiculous. After telling you all about Reds third baseman Todd Frazier's Herculean accomplishments on and off the field, and uncovering his status as the prodigal son of Toms River, N.J., we were pretty certain that the man couldn't get any more like like Bill Brasky. We were wrong.
We heard from a tipster, Ben, who had further tales of Frazier's ability to dominate in all facets of life. Ben claims to have played in a little league regional tournament against Frazier's Toms River team back in 1998, where the kids in the tournament spent a lot of time playing ping-pong in their shared dormitory. You can guess where this is going:
Now I'm far from an expert at [ping-pong], but I wasn't a pushover either. However, Mr Frazier was a force to be reckoned with. I mean, Forrest Gump good. As far as I saw and can remember (and I spent many, many hours around these tables) he never lost, which only served to feed the flames of my venomous jealousy...Anyway, reports of Todd Frazier's freakish athletic ability and otherwise legend status cannot be overstated.
But there's more still! We also heard from many readers that Frazier won the national Punt, Pass, and Kick competition for boys 10-11 in 1997. And he quarterbacked his pee-wee football team to a national championship in 1996. There's no word on whether he ever won a youth hockey or soccer championship, but, hell, just assume that he did.
Is there anything that Todd Frazier can't do? I don't know, but I do know this: Right now, an old man in Toms River gazes wistfully out his window, clutching a cup of coffee long gone cold, remembering the time that Todd Frazier saved him from the clutches of a man-eating grizzly.