Why Do Bears Hate Alaskan Sports Facilities?

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For the second time this month, we've received shocking footage of a bloodthirsty sports bear laying waste to a major Alaskan city. Is it really necessary to level Fairbanks with a pickaxe to just pump up a crowd?

The first bear laid waste to several interstellar bodies in support of Alaska-Fairbanks hockey, but this bear is apparently in the employ of the Fairbanks Grizzlies, who are members of something called the Intense Football League. (That was its actual name. They are now the Intense Conference in the Indoor Football League. Intense, right?)


However, it seems more like he's less supportive and more angry with the team's fans for waking him up with their incessant foot stomping. Setting off a nuclear bomb underneath the city was a perfectly reasonable response, but that's not enough for this guy. He then has to go marauding through town with a pick axe, before using a football to destroy NORAD's missile defense shield—which just so happens to be our last line of protection against space bears. Great. WHY DID YOU MAKE ALL THAT NOISE, IDIOTS?


That's followed by two minutes of the Grizzlies logo superimposed over thrashing guitars and explosions. The lesson here is: do not play "We Will Rock You" in Alaska or the Fairbanks Grizzly will seriously fuck your shit up. Hard.

[YouTube via Brooks]