Deadspin
Everybody has a favorite sports urban legend. Some like the Rafael Palmeiro Sleeps With Ryne Sandberg's Wife one. Others are fans of the Kevin Mitchell Cuts The Heads Of Cats one. Our preference has always been the Orioles Canceled A Game Because Cal Ripken Couldn't Play Because He Found Kevin Costner Doing His Wife one. Not true, of course (probably), but hey: That's why urban legends are fun.
Oddly, Ripken actually denied the story on NPR this week, making it clear he has not, in fact, ever punched Kevin Costner. We love that Ripken actually discussed it on the national airwaves.
For fun, here's the best part of the tale:
Cal told [the Orioles owner] it would be impossible to come in, so there went the streak. The owner told him not to worry, he would take care of it. That night, the game was canceled because of "electrical failure," even though hotels and restaurants that were a part of Camden Yards were fine and running.
Cal and his wife are still together, and the story is false. That didn't stop it from coming on NPR. As we said: We love urban legends.
Ripken Denies Beating The Crap Out Of Kevin Costner [The Foul Pole]
The Cost(ner) Of Love [Snopes]
Comments
He did call him a fuck face though
But did he confirm that his brother Billy is, in fact, a fuck face?
Of course Ripken denied it, it was his wife! Not even NPR is a forum for that sort of humiliation.
Are we sure his wife didn't just confuse the two of them, based on that photo?
@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: Curses.
I'd heard that when the Orioles got back into the clubhouse the next day there was a note that said "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights?" next to a decapitated mascot in the showers.
My favourite: at a party at the Lindros' cottage in Northern Ontario, Eric Lindros was making fun of Canadian figure skating champ Elvis Stojko, who was a black belt in judo. Stojko proceeded to knock him out, with what may or may not have been a spin kick to the head.
My favorite urban legend was the one about BDD and the big black dildo...
wait, what?
Mrs. Ripken likes 'em bald, apparently.
I hear if you reply to will in the comments, all banned commenters have 24 hours to find and kill you for re-admittance.
Kevin Mitchell doesn't cut the heads off of cats. He cuts the heads off of kittens.
Better?
Where's the one about Pujols microwaving a dog?
In Cal's defense, it wouldn't have been a fair fight. He would've killed Costner.
@Lady Andrea: That was Ankiel. Pujols nukes babies.
I heard that Christmas Ape got fired for sleeping with Kornheiser's wife.
Did Palmeiro wag his finger and adamanly deny that he slept with Sandberg's wife?
@Lady Andrea: That was Byung-Hyun Kim and he was just reheating lunch.
@Gourmet Spud: WRONG!! Lindros was concussed by the breeze from the door opening.
"Let's see you maintain your streak now, Meat!"
Cal Ripken actually lost his hair because a spider laid its eggs in his scalp.
@BigJimSlade: BDD: down with BBDs.
I was at that game, or rather non-game. Stupid Angelos.
The story actually is true. For revenge, Cal recommended Costner try out for a great movie called Waterworld.
And of course, there is the one about Richard Gere shoving Don Zimmer up his ass.
@ghostsoftheSCupcountry:
No, you are thinking of four separate occasions.
@being_sven: I thought it was because he ate Pop Rocks and drank 7-Up at the same time.
Ripken did knee Costner the nuts, however, after paying $7 to see Waterworld.
Anyone else notice that Cal is turning into Steve Wilkos?
(I could also point out that there isnt any hotels attached to Camden Yards, but thats besides the point)
So Michael Jackson didn't use my bathroom. But his sister did!
After the power went out at Camden Yards, someone went to check out the fuse box and there was a hook hanging from it!
Didn't Lindros tag Tocchet's or Brind'Amour's wife or something? That's a pretty good one.
Every time you masturbate, Kevin Mitchell cuts the head off a kitten.
Ripken punched Costner for putting a baby in the microwave and then stealing his kidneys.
Can someone start an urban legend that involves Carmelita Immelman searching for a female pole-vaulting instructor?
Or maybe I just did...
There are tons of stories out there about Cal - workers at his house not allowed to make eye contact, etc. - so I've always believed this one.
When she was in high school, Mrs. Ripken got caught in a rather compromising position with a jar of peanut butter and the family dog.
That was after it was edited digitally.
What it originally said was: "Cal told [the Orioles owner] it would be impossible to come in [his wife because Costner's penis was currently inside it]..."
I had always heard it was Brady Anderson who was doing the banging. Interesting.
Who doesn't love Urban Legend? Its got the kid from Mighty Ducks in it.
I did hear that Cal tagged Roberto Hernandez's wife, which is why he broke his nose.
And this is for Message in a Bottle! POW!
Everything was worked out between Kevin and Cal after Ripken gave Costner a massage during his honeymoon.
/Threadjack
Prince Fielder hits his first HR of the year to give the Brewers a 5-3 lead in the 10th. The Leitch jinx lives on (until Gagne blows the lead in the bottom half)
/End threadjack
Cal ingested too many pop rocks with his Coke.
@AwfulAnnouncing: Only in 1996.
Bobby Brown confirms that Costner's chemistry with then wife Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard is responsible for his "consecutive nights coked out of his fucking mind" streak. And "Humpin Around."
@being_sven: And a surprise birthday party.
The call came from INSIDE Camden Yards!
@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: Did you just call him a fuckass?
@Paper Cut: That was for the workers' own protection - I mean have you seen those things? You could weld tungsten with those aryan laserbeamers.
Still more believable than that one about the Marlins winning 2 World Series.
@Weed Against Speed: Now THAT story I believe!
An obviously inebriated Tom Arnold is just blessed Wrigley with his "take me out to the ballgame"
@being_sven:
It's not cheating though, because it's your dog.
Then, Ripken followed Costner home, flashing his lights at him the whole time. And then it turned out there was a killer in Costner's back seat!
I lived in the area for a while and though it's not true that Costner was doing Mrs. Ripkin, it is true that if you forward this comment to friends, Microsoft will track it. For every person that you forward this email to, Microsoft will pay you $5.