A selection of stories from the week we shared the wins with you.
The Sweeney Plan | That the Sweeney Plan is the most controversial of all plans is equally natural and a delight to Hugh Sweeny. In essence, you dump home runs and ribbies, and spend all your money on lead-off hitters who will win steals and batting average, and the rest of your funds go to the best pitching that money can buy in a 4x4 league. If done wisely, you are bound to walk off with some money; if done expertly, you will wear the crown. When the founding fathers gave birth to rotisserie, in 1980, none of them could have imagined the plan or the man who unleashed it upon the game. (Bruce Buschel)
A Look Into The Consciences Of America's Dictatorial Rec League Captains |An Atlanta-area kickball team recently suffered a demoralizing 20-0 loss. Yes, we're familiar with how serious some people are about their kickball and it's never fun to get blown out. However, if you have to play with this fun lovin' bunch of sad-sacks it's still inexcusable to go all Earl Weaver on them no matter how frustrated you get. Especially over email. Lucky for us, one player decided to share this tantrum with the world. (A.J. Daulerio)
• ALSO: Another Bitchy Email Over Rec League Kickball Surfaces | Intense Man Sends Email Apology To Rec Softball Team, Girlfriend For Being Too Intense
Mania For Wrestlemania 27 | Wrestlemania 27 aired last Sunday. We celebrated the occasion with video highlights (including Snooki's body slam), an overview of the world of betting on pro wrestling, and the return of the Masked Man, with (Un)dead Wrestler of the Week: The Undertaker.
The Fahkin' Sox | The Red Sox, predicted by many to win it all this year, went 0-6 to start the season. Red Sox Nation imploded until, that is, they went ahead and beat the Yankees at Fenway's opening day. Suddenly in Boston, everyone's saying it's their year.
Funbag! Could The 2012 NFL Draft Become A Double Megadraft?! | If you get drafted and you don't sign with the team that drafted you, you get to enter the draft the next year. So with that in mind, wouldn't that then negate the ENTIRE 2011 draft if the season were to be canceled? Wouldn't all those players need to be drafted again? Wouldn't that, in essence, make the 2012 Draft a DOUBLE draft? And wouldn't that be kind of fucking awesome? (Drew Magary)
Smell The Pineapple, Man | For reasons not related to sports or logic, I was sent across the country to cover the 2011 High Times Medical Cannabis Cup in Denver. The event, held in a place called the Exdo Event Center that allegedly transformed into a gay nightclub once the sun set, featured an awards show for 45 indicas, 36 sativas, 50 hybrids, 26 concentrates, and 25 edibles from Colorado dispensaries. There was plenty of sharing. Welcome to the Medical Cannabis Cup. (Emma Carmichael)
The I-Team Gets Investigatin' | Jack Dickey dispatched the trusty Deadspin I-Team to find out the identity of the young man who is perpetually sitting courtside at Chicago Bulls games. The not-at-all shocking result? A wealthy heir named Matthew Pritzker, our "real-life Billy Madison." Thanks, I-Team. (Jack Dickey)
• ALSO: Hickey asks the I-Team, Who Is The Minor-League Hockey Forbidden Dancer?
25 Jager Bombs For Only $223.75 Canadian Dollars! | With this epic receipt from "The #1 Sports Bar In North America" (total tab: $1782.67), you can actually track the progressive drunkeness of whatever pack of Canadian hyenas to which it belongs by their orders. (Luke O'Brien)
Cockblocked By Weed Addiction! | Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. This week: marijuana sets the bed on fire, in a bad way. (Drew Magary)
Gloria James Stays Felonious | Gloria James faces charges for battery and disorderly intoxication after a 5 a.m. run-in with a parking valet agent in Miami on Thursday. She may soon be bringing her talents to a correctional facility in the South Beach area.
• ALSO: Fox 8 News Provided Us With Both Gloria James's Police Booking And On-Court Attack Videos Free Of Charge
Editor-in-Chief: A.J. Daulerio | Senior Editor: Tommy Craggs | Writers: Barry Petchesky, Luke O'Brien | Contributing Editor: Drew Magary | Night/Weekend Editor: Brian Hickey | Video Editor: Emma Carmichael | Contributing Artist: Jim Cooke | Intern: Jack Dickey | Video Intern: Kate Shapiro | Moderators: Comment Ninja Squadron