Some people are fans of the Cleveland Browns. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Cleveland Browns. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.
1. IMPOSTORS. Ever see one of those shitty movies where a child goes missing for years, and then he returns to his parents and everyone is happy, until the parents soon realize that Little Junior wasn't quite the same as before? His mannerisms are a bit off. He seems detached. Sometimes, at night, they find him sharpening a saw in the basement. Then they realize that the child isn't their child at all. It's a fucking cyborg disguised as a kid, or they realize the kid has been possessed by a three-horned sand demon. That's the New Browns. Everything I wrote about them three years ago still holds true today. They're IMPOSTORS. They're like the Talented Mister Ripley if the Talented Mister Ripley weren't all that talented.