Your morning roundup for April 11, the day we remembered that Sidney Lumet also directed The Wiz.
• After he Greg Norman'd the back nine at Augusta — and memorably played No. 10 by way of someone's crawlspace — Rory McIlroy was comforted by a guy everyone is certain was Shane McMahon. This makes no sense at all.
• A female reporter for the Bergen Record was denied entry to the Augusta National locker room. A Masters media person later apologized, calling it a "complete misunderstanding." Of course, as our old pal Dash notes, this is an outfit that has a complete misunderstanding every day of the year.
• Charl Schwartzel's father fought the urge to consume psychoactive drugs and instead watched his son's triumphant final round:
I was going to take a [sleeping] pill but my wife wouldn't let me. We watched it all — I still haven't gone to bed.
• The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review follows up on that Pirates fan who was clubbed and Tased at Saturday's game. Watch the video again, if you have the stomach for shock-torture videos, and then try and square it with the cops' account:
"We both feared for our safety," city detective Francis Rende wrote in a criminal complaint filed yesterday.
I'm sorry, but I fail to see how a drunk at a ballpark is ever anything more than a common nuisance, and I really don't see how this dumbass in particular constituted such a threat that he had to be subjected to electric pain compliance.
• The WSJ apologizes for Photoshopping this "humorous" sign into the hands of a Phillies fan.
• A Magic-Bulls series is going to be fun.
• Speaking of which, the NCAA won't let its schools subscribe to Rivals.com, and those that did apparently have to report a secondary violation, and the lost purity of the recruiting process now has been blessedly restored.
A few stories you might've missed this weekend.
Statuary: The University of Florida unveiled three statues on Saturday: Steve Spurrier, Danny Wuerffel, and Tebow Himself.
Crime: In which we find out that the South African rugby player accused of attacking three men with an axe for allegedly gang-raping his daughter did not actually have a daughter.
Tableau: The scene at the Texas Motor Speedway this weekend.
Top image via Mocksession