Arsenal Keeper Red-Carded, Leaves Pitch Making Vigorous Wanking Motion

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Arsenal played defending Champions League winners FC Bayern today in the tournament's round of 16. On paper, the Gunners seemed overmatched, so much so that we asked if the Premier League's second-place team were capable of even giving the Germans a game. Turns out, they were for a while!


Arsenal started off strong, and even had a chance to take the lead when star Mesut Özil was tripped in the box in the eighth minute, but he stepped up and missed the ensuing penalty.

In the 37th minute, though: disaster. Six minutes earlier, Arsenal left back Kieran Gibbs went down injured, and had to be subbed for Nacho Monreal, who sucks and plays soccer like Andrea Bargnani plays basketball. Monreal, in addition to sucking, was not ready to play, and it only took a short time to make his imprint on the match, when he watched, pants around his ankles, as FC Bayern winger Arjen Robben made a run directly past him and into the box to receive a pass over the top of the Arsenal defense. Arsenal keeper Wojciech Szczesny had no choice but to cut down the onrushing Robben, conceding the penalty and getting a red card, as well.

Crazily, FC Bayern missed, but Arsenal had to play the rest of the way a man short and without their first-choice keeper. This is how Szczesny, walking to the showers, felt about that noise:


Bayern took complete control of the match against an undermanned Arsenal and scored two away goals in the second half to win and almost put the tie out of reach. Szczesny will miss the away leg on March 11, and may well be further disciplined for the post-ejection wank, which was nevertheless totally worth it.