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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Bare-Chested Russian Soccer Bros Brawl In The Streets

Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Mad brawl fight Бешеная драка." Tonight's commentator: Me. (Coming next week: A live look-in of a fight in the Philippines.)

I have this friend/co-worker in Philly. Call him Phil for the sake of this discussion. He's probably a better person than I, at least in the context of this post.

We have an ongoing discussion that goes a little something like this:

Phil: Why do you post this stuff, these fights, this lower-common-denominator violence?

Me: Because it's there for the world to see [and other retorts covered in May].

Phil: The world needs more love and compassion, especially in trying times.

Me: That it surely does. Kumbaya. But why do all these people hold their phones up to record instead of step in to quash the violence before them? Hey, I got an idea: Let's watch this fight with a "Do Not Look video if you feel ill" warning. Share your zen with Deadspin Nation.

Phil: Nope. Not going to play any active role in making violence and suffering funny.

Me: Pleeeeeeeease [wimp *under my breath*]?

Phil: No. [Adds an aside about how the naked guy tweaking in the middle of a Philly street the other day is someone's father, brother, son or father.]

Me: Fine. *kicks dirt*

So, looks like it's up to me to review "Mad brawl fight" solo. And, yo, this jawn's nasty as all hell.

It's almost Daughters of Juggalarchy in spirit, with Red Hat Bro serving as carnie barker. Ignore the brawl dames. Focus on the crowd, those rubberneckers yelling:

• "Whoop that bitch, baby!"

• "Git 'er! Git 'er! Git'er!" "Fuck 'er!"

• "Yer doin' good, girl. That's the best I've ever seen anyone git 'er."

This On of Egging prompts participants to grunt koans like "I'll break your shit" and the ever-powerful post-head-kick "take a fuckin' break!"

What these wonderful people view is a structured battle. Three rounds. Skin sickeningly bared. Review of injuries.

This is when I realized that uploader's warning was prescient.

This is when I jotted down the phrase "collective passion for mindless lady violence." They're akin to the "don't crack down on NFL headshots. Tough men! Tough sport! Pussies no like headshots! HEAR WE ROAR!" crew.

This is when I realize Phil was right to skip Societal De-evolution In 3:28. But that won't stop me from sending him the link at 10:01 p.m. because it's there for the world to see now.

And now, the rest of the Tuesday Night Fights:

• The White-on-White Violence Enterlude:

• Warning: When fleeing combat, BOLO trees lest you run into one and knock yo'self out. #themoreyouknow (Start of Violence, 0:29)


• Two-part "skank" fight. Well, one-part "skank" fight; one-part buildup. (SoV, 0:05)

• "Indian Congress workers were caught on camera clashing inside the mayor's office in Haryana's Yamunanagar." Shameful. Absolutely shameful. (SoV, 0:09)


• Sup, ladies? (SoV, instantly)

• The Metalist & Spartak vs. Dynamo Kiev Supporters Fight Intermission:

• And then there was the time some young lady in yellow pants whooped on some azz in the church parking lot after services. (SoV, instantly)


• Brave dude on probation films/narrates this Hodgdon scrap. (SoV, instantly)

• Don't you ever change, Boston. (SoV, instantly)

• Last Week's Jacksonville Taco Bell Brawl: A Psychologist's Take Revisitation:

• From America's birthplace, dude pushes dude outside a Philly Wawa; three other dudes jump in; initial dude holds his own (SoV, 0:04). Bonus Coverage: From North 17th Street, "To friends got drunk and decided they was gonna knock each others heads off !!!!!" (SoV, instantly).


• TNF Beijing Correspondent Anthony Tao offers another double feature this week. Clip No. 1: "Long-Haired Chinese Gal Issues Sidewalk Beatdown" (SoV, 0:19). Clip No. 2: "Chengguan Are Now Brawling With Soldiers (Maybe)" (SoV, instantly).

• Durham hood fight, yo. (SoV, 1:43)

• "You wanna die, bitch? Huaaah? Huaaaah?" (SoV, 0:06)

• The "Gipsy Fight" Oldie-But-Goodie Intermezzo:

• Stick fightin' on Camden High Street in London, yo. (SoV, 0:06)

• Also from London, Cockney vs. Scouser: Who ya got? (SoV, 0:36)

• Others: "Live: College Student street Fight." "Big Fight at the party." "Tacoma Girl Bar Fight." "Round lake park fight." "7News : Match called off after brawl." "Machete fight in Brazil." "A Skater Beatdown In A Skate Park." "Shia LaBeouf Talks About His Bar Fight." "Street fight." "Kettering Town | Dryland Street | Fight | CCTV - 15/09/13 03:45." "Trenton street fight girl knock her boyfriend out." "Street fight in Poland HD."


• The Bieber Street-Fight Challenge Coda:

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