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Kyrie Irving, a splendid basketball player with a habit of speaking like his entire vocabulary of multisyllabic words is operated by a lotto machine, went on Geno Auriemma’s podcast and told the coach that his eagerness to join the Boston Celtics came down, in part, to “intellectual human being” Brad Stevens:

“Brad fits perfectly in terms of that because he has an intellectual mind and is an intellectual human being,” the Celtics guard told Auriemma. “It was something I was unbelievably craving in terms of what I wanted for my career.”

No doubt Irving was “unbelievably craving” access to Stevens’s big honkin’ brain because former coach Tyronn Lue lacked the intellectual capacity to understand what the fuck “if you’re very much woke, there is no such thing as distractions” even means. Certainly Irving’s endorsement of Stevens’s intelligence makes me wonder what kind of fucked-up, nonsensical beliefs the Celtics coach might be hiding from the public.