Soccer Page 365 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Persian Awakening In Perry Hall: Uptight Mullahs Forced To Reverse Decision On Soccer Team's Bernie Dance
Yesterday, we brought you news that the Grand Ayatollah of Perry High School in Maryland had cancelled the boys varsity soccer season after players did the Bernie on the field. The dance was deemed "unacceptable" by the Grand Ayatollah, who also goes by the name Principal George Roberts....
Jurgen Klinsmann Needs 90 Words To Say Nothing
With friendlies against France and Slovenia looming, the U.S. men's soccer team will start getting blooded against stronger competition. Jurgen Klinsmann continues to tinker with lineups and test out new players, so we can't fault him too much for the 1-1-3 record he's compiled to date. But don't th...
Uptight Mullahs Punish Soccer Team For Gyrations They Deem Indecent
No, not the Iranians. The Patch site for Perry Hall, Maryland, reports that the principal of Perry Hall High School shut down the boys' soccer team after the players celebrated a playoff victory by doing the Bernie on the field. Principal George Roberts declared that because of the dance exhibition,...
The Iranian Soccer Players Who "Groped" Each Other After Goals Could Face Public Lashings On The Pitch
On Saturday, Persepolis F.C., a soccer club based in Tehran, scored a goal against Damash Gilan. After the goal, the players gathered to celebrate, as players will do. One of the players, Mohammad Nosrati, sorta stuck his hand in the ass-balls region of one of his teammates, Sheys Rezaei, as playe...
A Seattle Sounders Fan Salutes You, Two Fingers At A Time
Your morning roundup for Nov. 3, the day we learned you're never to old to be a male prostitute. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Ho-hum, Cristiano Ronaldo Is Scoring On Stupidly Awesome Free Kicks Again
After Lionel Messi's hat trick Tuesday—his second consecutive match with at least three goals—the world turned to Real Madrid striker Cristiano Ronaldo for a response. He delivered early in RM's Champions League match at Lyon, with a blistering free kick that had the Lyonnais seeking shelter and O...
In Morocco, They Mix Club Music With Soccer Highlights, And That Makes It More Fun
"A 95th minute amazing strike from Chamseddine Chtaibi gave Maghreb Fez a deserved 1-0 victory against Interclube from Angola, on Sunday, to reach the final of the CAF Confederation Cup. The Moroccan side reached their first ever major continental final on the away goal rule as they were defeated ...
And You Didn't Think It Was Possible To Score A Header From 63 Yards Out
Ryujiro Ueda, a defender for J-League team Fagiano Okayama, enters the record books with the longest header goal in soccer (or at least YouTube) history. He owes at least a share of the record to the goalkeeper, who supplies the kinetic energy and misplays the ball perfectly. [Daily Mail]...
Romanian Soccer Team Supporters Make Philly Fans Look Downright Amicable
So this is a match between Romanian clubs Petrolul Ploiești and Steaua București, in which Petrolul is losing to visiting Steaua 0-2. A Petrolul supporter invades the pitch and suckerpunches Steaua defender George Galamaz, an act that earned the rogue fan a brutal beatdown by Galamaz' teammates. T...
What Counts In Soccer As A Fight Broke Out After The Red Bulls-Galaxy Match
The MLS playoffs are underway—you knew that, right?—and after the L.A. Galaxy's 1-0 victory over New York Red Bulls things got a bit testy. It wasn't brouhaha levels, mostly because the guy who appeared suffer the most pain (Red Bulls defender Rafael Márquez) wasn't actually touched, as far as any...
Czech Referee Gets Drunk, Officiates Soccer Game Poorly
Apparently, this is Tomas Fidra. Tomas had a little bit to drink before heading in to work one day....
Did Robin Van Persie Just Salute The Nazis?
So this is weird. I'm not saying Robin Van Persie is a bad guy, but it certainly looks like he agrees with the ravings of a certain Austrian sociopath. At least Ian Darke was there to class up the joint....
How Boca Raton Lost Its All-Star Pro Soccer Team Without Even Trying
The Boca Raton magicJack should have been the most marketable franchise in Women's Professional Soccer. The squad, formerly the D.C.-based Washington Freedom, was bought before the 2011 season by millionaire Dan Borislow, who renamed it after his own telecom product and moved it near his Florida hom...
An Argentine Soccer Player Had His Face Stepped On (Video)
What happened to Cristiano Diaz of Newell's Old Boys in a match Monday against All Boys is not for the squeamish. What might be more remarkable, as noted here, was that Diaz not only refused the stretcher afterward, but played the full 90 minutes. [Dirty Tackle]...
Mario Balotelli: Spokesman For Firework Safety
Man City's mercurial striker had one hell of a weekend. He set his rented $4.8 million house on fire after setting off fireworks in the bathroom. He scored the first two goals in a 6-1 thrashing of second place Manchester United at Old Trafford, Sir Alex's "worst ever" defeat. He drove through Manch...
Watch Lionel Messi Fail To Convert A Game-Winning Penalty Kick
"The reason [Frederic] Kanoute got so worked up was that after Sevilla worked so hard to hold Barca scoreless for 90 minutes, they were awarded a very soft penalty when Andres Iniesta went down in the box. Kanoute earned his first booking when he knocked the ball off the penalty spot as Lionel Mes...
Watch Manchester City Give Man U Its Worst Home Loss In 56 Years
"Manchester City inflicted Manchester United's worst home defeat since February 1955 as they thrashed the champions in ruthless fashion to go five points clear at the top of the Premier League. City were also the victors on that occasion 56 years ago, winning 5-0, but this visit was portrayed as a...
Watch Cristiano Ronaldo Get A First-Half Hat Trick, Cop A Cheap Feel Of Air
Start this one at the 0:23 mark. You'll see the cheeky celebration, then the goal. Actually, it's a filthy good goal, too. Here's the first part of the hat trick, and here's the second....
Wolverhampton Fans Taunt "Know-Nothing" Coach, Leave And Miss Team's Comeback
When you're a football club in the English Premier League, you're not supposed to lose to teams freshly promoted from the minors. That's what the Wolverhampton Wolves with a 3-0 drubbing delivered by QPR in September. And that's what it looked like the Wolverhampton Wolves were about to do against...
"City Fans, 10% Off; United Fans, Fuck Off."
Could you tell it's nearly derby day? With City two points clear ahead of Sunday's showdown at Old Trafford, the watering holes of Manchester are taking sides. [Twitter]...