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Week In Review: Sixteen Candles
• Screw off, Selig. • Good night, George Solomon. • Rough week for Ron Borges. • No guns at Miami? Wha? • We're wearing one of these right now. • Competitive wanking. • Billy Packer minister of information. • Father knows best. • Speaking of which, Tom Brady, hitting open receivers. • Peyton Manning...
Give Us Your Hand. Give Us Your Hand.
Couldn't you like us just us the way we are? When we first started out, it was so good; We had fun. And then you started in on the clothes. Well, we'll wear the darn clothes if you want us to, if, if you'll just like us....
Tom Brady Clearly Missed Some Health Classes In High School
So, it's beginning to seem like Tom Brady has some preternaturally talented swimmers....
Only A Dog Knows Of The Growing Phanatic Menace
A confession: We are terrified by the Phillie Phanatic. Everything about him creeps us out: That weird tongue thing he shoots out, the googly eyes that we see in our nightmares, the purple (purple!) eyelashes. He's not a monster, he's not cuddly, he's not a being with any recognizable cousins in the...
A Game You And Your Nine Year Old Daughter Can Play Together
So there's this site — Tim Hardaway can tell you all about it — called Stardoll, where you can virtually dress up all the stars into whatever outfits you want them to wear. Apparently, it's a complicated endeavor, with competitions and rankings and all kinds of things that we would consider complete...
NFL General Managers Make It Rain
The first twenty-four hours of the NFL's free agency period have come and gone. There was a flurry of activity last evening ... let's get ourselves caught up....
Week In Review: The Smokey Tornado
• Goodbye, Balls. • We guarantee you Dick Vitale's Betamax is flashing 12:00. • It's good to be Brian Urlacher. • Tommy Lasorda claims he doesn't pay for sex, but we know better. • We'll take a camouflage Bible over a neon bible, anytime. • Sorry! • You absolutely cannot kill Rulon Gardner. • Whom s...
Cultural Oddsmaker: Who'll Be The Least Popular During ESPN The Weekend?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him and let him know what you think....
We Just Don't Think We Can Continue To Live In A Place That Embraces And Nurtures Apathy As If It Was Virtue
A woman that's so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer — a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people an...
Baseball Season Preview: Colorado Rockies
You might remember, from back at the beginning of the NFL season, when we previewed each team by having a writer we liked write about their favorite team....
Bad Dentist ... Bad, Bad Dentist
This man right here is Larry Rosenthal, and he's a dentist on Manhattan's Upper East Side neighborhood. He also lives in the building that the late Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle crashed his plane into last October. This so bothered him that he's suing the Lidle family for $7 million. Not the city: Lidl...
NBA Roundup: Cowabunga, Dude!
Notes on Thursday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Mission Accomplished
So if we're understanding Shaq correctly, the past few NBA MVP awards have been tainted, but being lauded by the current Commander-In-Chief is juuuust fine. No taint there....
Deadspin Field Trip: The AJ Daulerio Going Away Roast
About a month ago, our own AJ Daulerio wrote, in his Cultural Oddsmaker column, that he dreamed of one day having a roast in his honor. Little did he know that the wheels were already in motion for that very thing....
Baseball Season Preview: San Diego Padres
You might remember, from back at the beginning of the NFL season, when we previewed each team by having a writer we liked write about their favorite team....
Ohio State Helps Billy Packer Celebrate His Birthday
The Buckeyes just downed the Badgers 49-48 after Ron Lewis rejected a last second 12-foot attempt by Wisconsin. This was immediately followed by the fans of the #1 team in the country rushing the court....
Vladimir Radmanovic: Good At Telling The Truth, Lousy At Snowboarding
This is so cute. Lakers forward Vladimir Radmanovic going to miss about eight weeks of action because of a separated shoulder, an injury he attributed to slipping on some ice. That wasn't the truth, though. And the nagging pangs of guilt brought on by his dishonesty finally got to be too much for hi...
Week In Review: Gobble...Gobble...Make It Rain
• The week just kept getting worse and worse for Pacman Jones. • Peeing in the backseat of a cop car? Bad idea. • Michael Irvin, ESPN hardly knew ye. • Taking way too long to destroy a mascot. • This is what it has come to: Rocky Balboa is on steroids. • One bad-ass hockey fight. • Tom Brady, procre...
Randy Johnson Would Rather You Didn't Watch 'Music And Lyrics'
Here's an Arizona Diamondbacks newspaper ad, as scanned by Diamondhacks, in which we see an interesting marketing strategy. OK, we're guys, right? Guys like baseball. So if we guys don't stick together and, like, buy Diamondbacks season tickets, our girlfriends might make us go see Because I Said So...
110. Get A Job, Punk.
We saw your last fight, Shawrelle. Spent so much time face down, we thought the canvas had titties....