College Games You'd Wade Through A Pile Of $#!+ To See

Only two games this weekend feature ranked opponents going head-to-head. But there are still plenty of intriguing non-conference matchups on the schedule. And you never know when a highly ranked team will shit the bed against an unworthy foe. Could Florida lose to Troy? Anything's possible now.

Just kidding. Troy is gonna get beaten like Amy Winehouse. Let's start things off with the biggie.

Virginia Tech(9) at LSU(2): As Strike Zones and End Zones notes, this is the Tragedy Bowl, which means you could be subject to even more sideline reporting than is necessary. Can Erin Andrews stay hot while talking about fetid water and makeshift refugee camps? I say yes. This game is being broadcast on ESPN at 9:15PM tonight. Hmm. That's peculiar: two Eastern time zone teams being forced to play so late in the evening. I wonder why that is...

Notre Dame at Penn State (15): Oh, silly me! Notre Dame and Penn State are playing at 6:00PM on ESPN! Oh, then it all makes sense now. God forbid Notre Dame get bumped out of national television coverage. I think the reason Notre Dame is struggling so badly on offense is because Charlie Weis blocks 50% of the meeting room greaseboard.

TCU at Texas (7): Two old SWC foes go head-to-head. Ah, the old Southwest Conference. How I wish it were still around today. If loving big hair and booster-financed hookers is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

South Carolina at Georgia (12): Steve Spurrier faces off against Georgia, which makes this a kind of Version B of The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. And, since it's not being played in Jacksonville, that makes it all the more appealing.

Miami at Oklahoma (6): I'm betting this home-and-home series was planned five years ago, back when these two programs were both national title contenders. Do AD's really need that much lead time to craft a schedule? All AD's do is fire football coaches and cut wrestling teams. It shouldn't so hard to plan a goddamn football game.

Nebraska(17) at Wake Forest: I don't care if Bill Callahan gets Nebraska back on the right track. I want the Nebraska option offense back. College football without the Nebraska option offense is like the SEC without SEC Poon.

Other ranked teams in action today: #3 Florida (hosting Troy), #4 West Fucking Virginia (at Marshall), #5 Wisconsin (at UNLV), #11 Ohio State (hosting Akron), #10 Cal (at Colorado State), #14 UCLA (hosting BYU), #20 Boise State (at Washington), #22 Hawaii (at La. Tech), #23 Texas A&M hosting Fresno St.), and #24 Tennessee (hosting Southern Miss).

Potpourri

12:00PM - Tennis: US Open Men's Semifinals (CBS) 2:00PM - World of Adventure Sports (NBC) 3:00PM - Golf: BMW Championship (NBC) 3:30PM - Baseball: Marlins at Phillies (FOX) 4:00PM - Women's Basketball: WNBA Finals, Game 2 (ESPN) 7:30PM - NASCAR: Checy Rock 'N' Roll 400 (ABC)