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It's Never Good When The MLS Has The Best Week
explains Beckham to us much better than we did to the world. • Careful of what cars you steal. • One more time: Gay Yankees. • We live blogged a guy talking into a microphone. • Stop the ESPN Motion. • Matt Leinart says he's a great dad, and even remembers his kid's name. • Our NFL Season Previews b...

Can't Sleep, Clown Will Eat Us
In honor of "The Simpsons Movie" coming out today, we're not even gonna try to bother with a movie quote today. Instead, we just invite everybody to give their own....

The Greatest Camp Of All Time, On Sale
It's not very often you can buy a legitimate piece of history via eBay. But the Muhammad Ali "auction" page that just went up there, whether you could be a serious buyer or not (and trust us, you can't), is worth reading just for the jaw-dropping import of it....

Ikea Loveseats Are Bulky And Difficult To Move
I was perusing Sports by Brooks late last night, as is my wont, and came across this item: "The NEW YORK TIMES reports EA Sports will provide new President Peter Moore with "relocation-related expenses" from Redmond, Washington, to Redwood City, California. The move will cost the company $330,000. M...

The End Of July Ain't What It Used To Be
As much as we might try, we can't muster up much enthusiasm for the trading deadline this year, which is in week. No matter scenarios they give us, we just don't believe anyone too huge will end up switching teams. The days of the Mark McGwire, Mike Piazza trades seem over. (Not that we ever conside...

Please Consult Your Employee Handbook
• The memo that changed our lives. The part where Skipper explains what a leader is, that's still our favorite one. • Tommy Morrison loves black people. • Kill the ref! No, seriously, they might kill him. • Fight, children, fight. • Joe Torre is a racist, don't ya know. • We are not going to Fire Is...

Who's the Next MLB Player To Bang Alyssa Milano?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think.)...

Make Like A Tree And Get Out Of Here
Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told us that if we didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain....

Slap Some Logos On Those Journalists; They Like It
The NFL tends to be the sports world's leader in maximizing revenue opportunities, but they might have outdone themselves: They're slapping advertising logos on the media members....

Our Secret Company Memo Is Leaked
As you might remember, we've brought in three new people to work the site on the weekends: Matt Sussman, J.E. Skeets and Unsilent Majority. Because they are new hires, they obviously have lots of questions about the corporate structure we have here....

Who Has Colorado Avalanche Fever?
Sorry, Colorado Avalanche fans ... you might have a rather unfortunate new mascot....

A Baby Name Which Will Cause No Future Embarrassment Whatsoever
When all is said and done, I blame the mom. When your last name is Karr, and dad comes up with the brilliant idea of naming the new baby Chevy, that's when you put your foot down, ladies. And you put it down hard ... on dad's genitals while he's sleeping, if necessary. And if he still insists, then ...

Elijah Dukes' Divorce Proceedings, Shockingly, Are Getting Nasty
As you probably might expect, the wife of "troubled" Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes is filing for divorce. (This tends to happen when you send your wife's cell phones photos of guns.) She has come up with some not-really-all-that-surprising accusations....

Phillies Get Started On The Next 10,000
I think we all remember the halcyon days of April 1883; a simpler time, when Chester Allen Arthur was President, the Brooklyn Bridge had just opened and the Philadelphia Phillies franchise had no losses whatsoever....

Alyssa Milano Makes A New Friend
This might seem like an odd thing for us to say, but we don't actually hate Alyssa Milano's MLB.com blog. Pseudo TV starlets who once played Schwarzenegger's daughter in Commando don't necessarily do it for us anymore, but, well, it's not every day you read the phrase "Butterflies in my tummy" on a ...

Adam Laroche Knows Comedy
You know, it's really difficult to find a species of human being with a more refined sense of humor than a professional baseball player. Hell, the Padres all urinate on each other, after all....

Phillies Fans Finally Find Their Happy Place
While hanging out at the ole Philly Pants Party this weekend, we were amazed when a man, during our tailgate, walked up and handed us a flier. "Celebrate 10,000!" it said, with the requisite Web site all posted up and ready to go. The guy was wearing a Phillies jersey and, it seemed, in most circums...