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![First Overall Pick Auston Matthews Scores Twice In First Five Minutes Of NHL Career [Update: He Scored Two More]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/pnawdgznmnedvfkk9on8.jpg)
First Overall Pick Auston Matthews Scores Twice In First Five Minutes Of NHL Career [Update: He Scored Two More]
Auston Matthews took the ice for the first time in his NHL career tonight against Ottawa, and immediately started scoring. Ten minutes into the first period, he popped up in the right place during a goalmouth scramble, and slipped his shot in....

Deadspin Up All Night: Still The Same
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Later....

Dick Enberg Was Always The Right Man For The Moment
Dick Enberg hummed his way through his most famous call....

Nick Kyrgios Tanks Masterfully, Trash-Talks Fans
Mayflies can live up to one day; the notion that Nick Kyrgios was going to take a serious approach to tennis lived for just three. Sunday, he won his first ATP 500 event, the Rakuten Japan Open, and by Wednesday he was gloriously tanking his second-round match of the Shanghai Masters against Mischa ...

Derrick Rose's Friend Explains The Difference Between Girlfriends And Girls You Have Sex With
Randall Hampton, Derrick Rose’s friend and employee, took the stand late Tuesday to testify about his recollection of the night at the center of the civil suit accusing Hampton, Rose, and a third man, Ryan Allen, of gang-raping a woman. He also explained why it was OK for him to have sex with the wo...

Derrick Rose Testifies That NBA Rookie Program Teaches Players Not To Leave Behind Used Condoms
In continued testimony Tuesday, Knicks guard Derrick Rose described the sexual encounter at the center of his civil rape trial as completely consensual. He also explained why he took his used condom with him afterward—he said he was taught to do that at the NBA’s rookie transition program....

Story On Fox Sports 1 Ratings Reads Just Like A Fox Sports 1 Press Release<em></em>
Nielsen’s television ratings determine almost alone whether a TV show is considered successful, whether it stays on the air, and how much advertisers pay to run commercials during it. They are incredibly important to everybody in the television business, and reporters breathlessly cover them, from t...

The Panthers Are In Real Trouble
The defending NFC champs are seeing their season slip away faster than anyone could have predicted. After last night’s 17-14 loss to the Buccaneers, Carolina is now just the fifth team (of 100) to make a Super Bowl appearance and start the next season 1-4 or worse—the first since the 2004 Panthers....

Roberto Aguayo Goes From Goat To Hero By Finally Making A Field Goal<em></em>
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are a mediocre, waterlogged 2-3 team and the biggest story of their season is the fragile psyche of their kicker, who they traded up to draft in the second round. Roberto Aguayo was the most accurate kicker in college football history, but he struggled throughout the preseas...

Deadspin Up All Night: All I've Got Say Is<em></em>
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Some Janet Jackson for no reason other than I spent all weekend listening to her. ...


Donald Trump Couldn’t Stop Sniffing ... Again<em></em><em></em>
If you’ll recall, during the last presidential debate, Donald Trump spent a good portion of his mic time sniffing up a storm for, well, indeterminate reasons. And tonight was no different. As he yelled about not saying the thing he said and throwing Hillary into prison, our boy Don was sniffing....

Grover Norquist Rages At Debate: What About The Motherfucking Vapers?<em></em><em></em>
We know where Donald Trump stands on pussy grabbing (for). We know where Hillary Clinton stands on drinking water (against). What we don’t know, however, is where either candidate stands on the biggest issue of the election: Vapers’ rights....

Donald Trump On Pussy-Grabbing Tape: "No, I Didn't Say That"
In the very beginning of tonight’s debate, Anderson Cooper asked him about the tape’s released on Friday when Trump stated that he likes to grab women “by the pussy.” Trump’s response: ...

The Deadspin Debate And Ongoing Donald Trump National Humiliation Liveblog
Party members are calling on him to drop out, his biggest, craziest supporters have turned their backs on him, and millions of people across the country listened to him boast about grabbing women “by the pussy.” Donald Trump is living in a garish, gold-trimmed hell—and from now until tonight’s debat...

Deadspin Up All Night: I Was Kinder
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. I think there might be sports tonight....

Trump Conspiracy Theorists Are Losing Their Shit<em></em>
It’s not an easy time to be a Trump supporter. After all, the globalists are about to get their way, their once invincible champion has fallen at the hands of Billy Bush, and Truth as they know it as good as dead. The alt-right wingnuts are in panic mode, and the view is phenomenal....

Colts' Jordan Todman Completely Ruins A Perfect Punt
Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee would have had the Chicago Bears pinned inside the five-yard line with his kick in the third quarter, but running back Jordan Todman, who plays on the punting unit, screwed it all up....

Deadspin Up All Night: Bet The Hand That Your Money Is On
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. It barely rained in D.C. today; the Nationals and Dodgers should have played....