ap Page 1604 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

She Don't Use Jelly, She Uses Tim Tebow And Dwyane Wade And LeBron Jam
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Comcast SportsNet's White Sox Intro Video Is One Of The Worst Things Ever Put On Television And Possibly Harmful To Your Health
Most discerning baseball fans go out of their way to avoid local broadcasts of the Chicago White Sox. After all, that's where you find Ken “Hawk” Harrelson, and to voluntarily listen to Hawk is to willingly subject yourself to the threat of severe brain damage. Seriously, you'd be better off huffing...

"God Said Yes To Michigan": We Called Every Tourney Team's Local Applebee's To Find Out What Happened In The Game
For the tournament, we're calling Applebee's franchises in different cities across the country immediately after the local institution has completed its game, win or lose. We'll pretend to be oblivious about what just happened in order to get a detailed game description from someone in the restauran...

Cardinals Skipper Flips The Bird
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![Your Marquette-Syracuse Open Thread [UPDATE: Now it's a Wichita State-Ohio State Open Thread]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4i3zzjjjskjpg.jpg)
Your Marquette-Syracuse Open Thread [UPDATE: Now it's a Wichita State-Ohio State Open Thread]
If you're watching at home, feel free to participate however you want—we put a big yelling Baye Keita Cleanthony Early picture up there in case you'd rather annotate something, or just yak about whatever in the discussion—and enjoy this last and pleasantly coincidental gasp of the Big East as we kn...

The Brewers Aren't Allowing Fans To Bring Their Own Porta-Potties To Games, Because The Free Market Means Nothing Anymore
The Milwaukee Brewers, willing handmaiden to America's racing sausage industry and one of a suspiciously low number of professional baseball purveyors in the state of Wisconsin, have coupled with Waste Management, Inc to violate an essential American freedom: The right to bring your own porta-potty ...

For Anyone Who Doesn't Think Serena Williams Is Capable Of Being Bubbly
Serena beat Maria Sharapova today in Key Biscayne, Fla. But flying suds and big trophies reminded everyone that it's just a game, y'all!...

UCLA Has Its First New Basketball Coach In 11 Years: The Architect Of New Mexico's Loss To Harvard
Steve Alford, a well-known name in basketball since he was a coach's favorite on the Hoosiers teams of the mid-80s, has signed on to replace Ben Howland at UCLA. As pointed out in Andy Katz's report, Alford's new contract with UCLA means breaking an almost equally new contract with New Mexico, where...
![Metta World Peace Was Zonked Out On Painkillers After His Knee Surgery, And His Tweets Were Slightly Stranger Than They Usually Are [UPDATE: This Might Be Some Sort Of PR Stunt]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j2qftt4ox6qjpg.jpg)
Metta World Peace Was Zonked Out On Painkillers After His Knee Surgery, And His Tweets Were Slightly Stranger Than They Usually Are [UPDATE: This Might Be Some Sort Of PR Stunt]
Update: This—part or all of it—is some sort of PR stunt, because in in this gilded age, even the most banal things are guerrilla marketing. A Deadspin staffer got this email yesterday, excerpted in part:...

30 Paragraphs About 30 MLB Teams From The Baseball Prospectus Crew
The following is excerpted from the team chapters and player profiles of the perpetually splendid Baseball Prospectus. You can buy the book now. And be sure to head over to the BP site this weekend for free access to their content. Projected records via BP's playoff odds report....

Two Residents Of Dunk City Explain How Their Georgetown-Shattering Alley-Oop Came To Be
PHILADELPHIA—I’d like to take you back to a simpler time. Last Friday. Almost dinner. Standing outside the Wells Fargo Center in South Philly. Wondering if I should stick around to watch Georgetown blow out a tiny Florida nothing school....

Zombie John Harbaugh Couldn't Stand To See His Brother-In-Law's Season End
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Johan Santana's Mets Career Is Over
Johan Santana is done. He has another capsule tear, the same shoulder injury that sidelined him for all of 2011. He'll make the final decision this weekend whether to undergo surgery, the same surgery he had in Sept. of 2010, but this isn't the sort of thing that gets better with rest. He'll go und...

Westboro Baptist Will Picket The Final Four
Westboro Baptist, that group of awful people with colorful signs who are really concerned about who you're having sex with, have announced on the "Picket Schedule" section of their website that they'll be heading to Atlanta for next weekend's Final Four. ...

The NCAA's Miami Investigation Didn't Actually Stop Using Unethical Methods When It Claimed It Did
The NCAA fucked up its investigation of Miami in oh so many ways. But the single largest fuck-up, the one that required a timeout in the case for an outside investigation of its practices, was the NCAA paying the lawyer of imprisoned booster Nevin Shapiro to help them gather evidence. The independen...

Enes Kanter's Dislocated Shoulder Looks Like It Feels Great
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