ap Page 1698 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
David Ortiz, You Are NOT The Father
"According to a report in the Dominican newspaper Hoy by veteran baseball reporter Dionisio Soldevila, a DNA test showed that David Ortiz was not the father of a 17-year-old in the Dominican Republic. Ortiz was the subject of a paternity claim by a woman whom Ortiz said he had never met." [Boston He...
David Price Has Now Hurt His Neck Three Times By Wiping His Head With A Towel
Rays lefty David Price had to leave yesterday's split-squad start after just two innings, but he later owned up to what had happened:...
In A Shocking Development, Jerry Tarkanian Has Switched From Towels To WonderPretzels
Legendary Runnin' Rebels coach Jerry Tarkanian watched his old charges dispatch Wyoming in the Mountain West tournament last night, and in doing so revealed the source of his recently-increased girth. May we recommend he return to a diet of fiber-rich Egyptian cotton?...
Greyhound Track Owners Now Want To Kill Off Their Own Industry
It hasn't been a good few weeks for dirt track sports. In early February, HBO's Luck came under heavy criticism when word spread that two horses had been euthanized during filming of the show's first few episodes. Recently, the focus has turned back to greyhound racing and those who are trying to qu...
The Northwestern Wildcats Will Not Be Going Dancing
What looked like a sure thing is now just a memory. The Northwestern Wildcats hoops team, despite its best efforts, will most assuredly miss qualifying for the NCAA Tournament after today's overtime loss to Minnesota in the Big 10 Tournament. The team was attempting to secure its first March Madness...
Colts Apologize For Email Offering Commemorative Peyton Manning Merchandise Just After Yesterday's Announcement
Peyton Manning had barely finished drying his eyes and hopping that jet for Miami yesterday when the following email blast went out from the team's official Pro Shop to fans who had previously made purchases:...
The Pirates Are Considering Adding The Sid Bream Nightmare To Fans' Daily Listening Experience
Having to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates play baseball every night just isn't enough punishment, apparently. Now Pirates fans might get a nightly reminder of the one moment most of them can't bring themselves to discuss without staring off into the distance and cursing incoherently about somebody name...
When The Maple Leafs Went To War
Do you follow the RealTimeWWII Twitter account? You should. It's fascinating, educational, and often briefly frightening when you see something about invading Russians out of the corner of your eye....
Cardio And Pooping: A Chart Of Every MLB Player Who Reportedly Lost Or Gained Weight This Offseason (And Why)
Every spring training, seemingly every other ballplayer shows up to camp and declares himself "in the best shape of my life." Our pal Craig Calcaterra over at HardballTalk has done yeoman's work on this phenomenon over the years, but we wanted to know more: Who gained weight? Who lost weight? How mu...
Pitcher/Author Dirk Hayhurst Is In The Comments Right Now. Ask Him Stuff.
Dirk Hayhurst is a journeyman pitcher and the author of Out of My League, about the year he broke into the majors with the Padres. It is also partly about porn, trannies, and failure, so in a way it's a story about all of us. Dirk is taking your questions down below. Be nice, read up on the dude if...
Andrew Bynum Does His Best To Let Us Know He's Not Doing His Best
So one night after they were beaten by the lowly Pistons, how exactly did the Lakers blow a 21-point lead to lose to the even lowlier Wizards? That mutiny that seems to be building among the players over coach Mike Brown? The obvious tension between Brown and Kobe Bryant? The distraction of the cons...
Gregg Popovich Gets Belligerent When Talking About His Invisible Bowling Balls
The San Antonio Spurs brought a heavy dose of Thorazine to Linsanity last night, dealing the Knicks their sixth loss in the last nine games. Coach Gregg Popovich, though, didn't see the therapy regimen through to the end—he got tossed in the third quarter. Fortunately, he was able to squeeze in thi...
Does Peyton Manning In A Yankees Jersey Mean He's Thinking About Playing For The Jets?
Or is the fact that he was 5 years old at the time just mean he's ready to conquer kindergarten? Also, Archie's pants....
Peyton Manning Should Sign With Every Team In The NFL, According To Internet
On Peyton Manning's first day of free agency, the Internet decided he should play ... everywhere: ...
The Guy From The Dropkick Murphys Would Like You To Know He Didn't Really Say Jonathan Papelbon Couldn't Use His Entrance Music
Yesterday, ESPN Music(?!) reported that Ken Casey, vocalist for the Dropkick Murphys, did not want Jonathan Papelbon using his old entrance song. That song, "I'm Shipping Up To Boston," is reserved for the Red Sox closer, Casey supposedly said, and now that Papelbon is in Philadelphia, he's no longe...
Marlins President Calls Miamians Stupid, Jose Reyes Greedy
If you know anything about the sweetheart deal the city gave the Marlins to build a new stadium, you know team president David Samson basically bent Miami over a pinball machine and had his way with it. But he's far from done with the humiliation—with his remarks to a gathering of local business lea...
The End Of Peyton Manning As You Know Him
The Colts have called a press conference for noon today to formally announce the release of Peyton Manning. Manning will be there. Jim Irsay will be there, in between tweeting Bachman-Turner Overdrive lyrics. We've been building to this moment for months now, ever since Manning was unofficially rule...
Don't Ask Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke About His Job Security
That's what John Moore of Newstalk 1010 did yesterday, albeit by first noting that "a lot of people" think Burke ought to be fired. With even Don Cherry calling Burke out for, of all things, not stocking his roster with any Ontario natives, it was worth asking Burke about what kind of pressure he m...
Peyton Manning Leaves Insanely Good Tips At Restaurants
After he wrapped up his black ops throwing session at Duke, Peyton Manning went and had himself one fine meal with "Dallas Clark and others" at the Angus Barn in Raleigh, according to the friend of a friend named Jon who waited on the Manning party last Friday night. When the bill came just before 1...
Ronald McDonald Loved Seeing Bryce Drew, But The Ole Miss Fan Sitting Next To Him Just Grimaced The Whole Game
I don't have the context for this, and I don't want it. Clowns get damn good seats for being as scary as they are, and if you don't know why Ole Miss still hates Bryce Drew, take a trip down memory lane back to 1998....