christ Page 35 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Do We Grow Out Of Going Home For The Holidays?
This year on Christmas morning, we four adult children will emerge from our various haphazard sleeping situations, my sister and I from the double bed we traditionally share, and my brothers from their makeshift beds in the unfinished basement, or perhaps one of them will have fallen asleep on the c...
Please Enjoy "The Joy Of Christmas," The Greatest, Goofiest Christmas Album Ever Made
Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:...
Could Santa Claus Defeat Godzilla?<em></em>
I got more Star Wars takes before we get into your letters. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna spoil anything, but I watched The Force Awakens a couple times after seeing the new movie and the difference in dialogue is night and day, man. Everyone in TFA had better lines than they do in The Last Jedi. Take ...
Christian Yelich And J.T. Realmuto Are Fed Up With The Marlins
The Miami Marlins spent the last two weeks trading most of their players worth a shit elsewhere, and now, the rest of their players who are worth a shit are reportedly unhappy with the team’s management....
America's Wonderteen Delivers 89th-Minute Match-Winner For Dortmund
Borussia Dortmund claimed a 2-1 win over Hoffenheim today when Christian Pulisic juggled his way past Oliver Baumann in the 89th minute to score yet another game-winner for his side, keeping them in third place in the Bundesliga....
Jets Offensive Coordinator Admits He Gave Up Against Broncos
Okay, so the Jets’ offense didn’t turn out to be historically awful this season, as I said it had a chance to be. Shoot me. Hell, the Jets even have five wins, which is ... something, I guess. But it still took a grand total of 13 games for their offensive coordinator to cop to saying, Fuck it, let’...
Marlins Continue Begging Other Teams To Rob Their Clubhouse
Time for some wholly unsurprising news! The Marlins front office’s brazen salary dump is continuing apace. Days after trading Giancarlo Stanton to the Yankees in exchange for a handful of trampled sunflower seed husks and one (1) cup of moist infield dirt, they’re now reportedly shifting their focus...
Enjoy This Lovely Christmas Moment
Last weekend, Santa made a preseason appearance at the Tampa Bay Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament to deliver a toy to a very lucky nine-year-old. He opted not to use a sleigh, instead skydiving into the beach but before that into a tree and a lightpole....
Skins' Chris Thompson Out For Season After Suffering Gruesome Broken Leg
In the third quarter of today’s Skins-Saints tilt in New Orleans, Washington running back Chris Thompson was engaged blocking on a Kirk Cousins run when Saints defensive lineman Sheldon Rankins rolled into his leg from behind, causing it to bend in ways human legs are not meant to bend:...
Our Dear Sweet Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Is Very Sad About Missing The World Cup
Once the rage subsided within the proud hearts of American soccer fans in response to the USMNT’s humiliating failure to qualify for next summer’s World Cup, the feeling that settled in has been one of profound sadness. Mostly, this sadness has centered on what was stolen from us—namely, the opportu...
Craig Carton Pleads Not Guilty, Gets Support From Chris Christie
Since his arrest for securities and wire fraud in September, former WFAN radio host Craig Carton has resigned from his post at the Boomer & Carton Show and stayed away from any media as he deals with his legal issues. On Tuesday, USA Today published an interview with Carton in which he said he’s inn...
Christian Pulisic And The USMNT Are Destroying Panama
The USMNT needed to whoop on Panama tonight, and they got off to a thrilling start, unzipping the Panamanian defense twice in the first 20 minutes and adding a penalty right before halftime. The entire first half was a thrilling affair despite the soggy Orlando pitch, and there could have been at le...
The USMNT Can't Afford To Lose
The United States Men’s National Team has two games left in CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying, two games against teams that, by all accounts, the USMNT should not have any problems dispatching. Trinidad & Tobago have gotten owned more or less nonstop throughout the Hex, and Panama were lousy enough to l...
Michael Bradley And Christian Pulisic Are Unimpressed With Alexi Lalas's Shit Talk
Alexi Lalas barred up the entire USMNT on TV this past weekend, which was great and deserved and frankly overdue. Lalas’s brief rant included clear shots at a number of national teamers, but his barbs aimed at Michael Bradley and Christian Pulisic were arguably the most pointed. Bradley and Pulisic ...
Report: Chris Christie Gives Up Dream Of Being A Terrible Sports Radio Host For Now
Anyone who had hoped to one day call Chris Christie on the radio and tell him he’s a corrupt piece of shit will be sorely disappointed to learn that they’ll have to settle for tweeting at him, as the outgoing governor of New Jersey will not pursue an on-air gig at WFAN. ...
Christian Pulisic Kicks Off The Bundesliga Season Like A Superstar
Every time I worry the American soccer press (Deadspin included) is being too hyperbolic in their praise and general hype for Christian Pulisic, he goes and assuages those fears with a marvelous performance. Consider today’s Bundesliga opener, which comes amid Ousmane Dembele’s transfer saga as well...
How Barcelona's Scramble To Replace Neymar Might Send Christian Pulisic To The Stars<em></em>
It wasn’t really supposed to happen like this. French teen sensation Kylian Mbappé was slated to be this summer’s headlining transfer, with the usual suspects in Madrid, Paris, and Barcelona fighting over the right to pay one-sixth of a billion dollars for his signature. Instead, Neymar somehow went...
Let's Check In With The Jets
The following paragraph, from the MMQB’s Tim Rohan, does not appear to be intended as irony:...
American Justin Gatlin Rudely Spoils Usain Bolt's Final 100-Meter Race
Usurping American aggressor Justin Gatlin has vanquished the great champion Usain Bolt in Bolt’s last ever 100-meter race, at the IAAF World Track and Field Championships in London. ...
Christian Pulisic Starts His Season Off By Embarrassing Bayern Munich
America’s Wonderteen, Christian Pulisic, scored the opener of the German Super Cup for Dortmund against Bayern today, dispossessing a concerningly louche Javi Martinez and easily finishing....