christ Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Look At This Fucking Asshole<em></em>
Behold idiot son-in-law Jared Kushner—the man now in charge of brokering Middle East peace, Uberizing the federal government, reforming the entire criminal justice system, and keeping Donald Trump’s hands off his wife. This perfect still frame from a David O. Russell film has also been put in charge...
What Are These Symbols On The Mound At Busch Stadium?
The (St. Louis) Riverfront Times writes today about a pair of symbols scrawled into the mound at Busch Stadium, with a handful of pictures taken of a TV serving as evidence. We investigated, and, sure enough, they have definitely been there for at least a month. But what are they? (Hint: It's obviou...
Tim Tebow Is So Uncontroversial The <em>Times</em> Is Afraid To Say What's Not Controversial About Him
Hey, anyone want to fire up the ol' Tim Tebow culture war again? It's been, what, three days? Well, here's a "meet the new guy" story in today's New York Times called "Tebow, a Careful Evangelical." It is a generally inoffensive look at the quarterback so beloved by people who collect Hummel figurin...
All The 3:16 Bible Verses, Ranked By How Likely They Are To Foretell Tim Tebow As The Messiah
Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matt Ryan, Aaron Rodgers all had games in which they threw for 316 yards this season: nobody cares until Tim Tebow does it. Everyone's seeking meaning in random numbers, even asking for comment from "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, as if he was the first to claim the 3:16 verse as his ow...
Tim Tebow Is Making Me Question My Atheism
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Can Anyone Out There Talk About Tim Tebow Without Turning Into A Moron?
Jesus H. Christ on burnt toast, what the hell is this?...
The Death Of A Former Football Player At An Underground Fight In A Church Has, Somehow, Resulted In A Lawsuit
The church along the Broken Arrow Expressway in Tulsa is of the Christian-capitalist mega-variety. You know the deal: rock shows, slick website, a gift shop, deadly unsanctioned boxing fights. One such fight on Sept. 21, 2011, allegedly resulted in the death of George Clinkscale, who played lineback...
The Stupid Moral Panic Over Mocking Tim Tebow; Or, What Would Jesus Do About Tebowing?
Oh, please. You know why Tebow memes exist? You know why they've, let us say, gone forth and multiplied? Because of columns like this, that's why. Here's the headline:...
Seven Articles Of Faith As Regards Tim Tebow
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
SprtsCntr: Jesus Can't Save Tim Tebow From Merril Hoge
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Djokovic-Federer Had Nothing On Christ-Satan, Says Writer Who Is Not Joking
"The match between Djokovic and Federer in New York was quite a spectacle, but it was nothing compared to Christ's victory over sin and death and Satan. 'And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.' (Colossians 2:15) Memo to ...
What The Hell Did Crazy Dennis Rodman Say In The Bleeped-Out Portion Of This Interview That So Terrified The Interviewer?
Dennis Rodman was on Yahoo's In Depth with Graham Bensinger recently to touch on a few issues. Issues like, how is he still alive at 50 years old? (No one knows.) Is he still batshit? (Yes, definitely.) And is he still partying his giant nose ring off? (See below.)...
Jurgen Klinsmann: America's Newest Soccer Jesus
Jurgen Klinsmann was introduced to the media this week as the new coach of the U.S. men's soccer team, a development in the making ever since the U.S. Soccer Federation batted eyelashes at Klinsmann before the 2006 World Cup. The coach spurned the USSF then, and instead led Germany to a third-place...
Bryce Harper Performs The Miracle Of Turning A Bunt Into A Single
The Chosen One made his Sally League debut yesterday in Rome, Ga. He had a couple singles but was denied two times. [WaPo, SweetSpot]...
Here's Tim Tebow's New Jockey Ad, Kind Of
With apologies to King Herod, we've provided a slight edit to possible NFL starter and definite advertising boon Tim Tebow's brand new Jockey ad. The company released this spot today, and it is somehow even more reverential and vanilla than we ever could have imagined it to be. When Tim Tebow is m...
Jesus's Stat Line, Courtesy Ron Artest
"No ejections. He was 10 for 10s, a lot of 20 for 20s [in shooting]. Perfect from the free-throw line. Infinity rebounding stats." Sometimes questioned his coach's decisions, though. [The Score]...
10 Extremely Biblical-Looking Footballers
Of course, most of the nation will spend the weekend embroiled in sprouts, drinking heavily, and most definitely not sitting down to rewatch Mel Gibson's incredibly inaccurate and rather over-the-top remake of The Life of Brian....
Last Night's Winner: The Brett Favre Miracle
The following comprises actual phrases from actual stories written about a quarterback who last night performed the miracle of transfiguring his old ass off the injured list. These are taken verbatim....
Commenter Account Still F'd? [email protected]
I know many of you are still unable to comment due to all the problems from the security breach. If these Lifehacker posts are unhelpful, your best bet is [email protected]. Keep up the resets at your leisure....
Jesus Walks Like A Cowboy: Manny Pacquiao Does Dallas
ARLINGTON, Texas —When Jesus returns, he will surely return to the 50-yard line of Cowboys Stadium, descending bodily on the fog-machine-assisted sun rays streaming through the windows just above the mighty Ford logo, but below the American flag....