christ Page 37 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Christian Bethancourt's Season Debut Didn't Go So Well
San Diego Padres catcher Christian Bethancourt made his first pitching appearance of the season today, when he came on in relief with his team trailing the Dodgers 7-1 in the fourth inning. Things went poorly. ...
Christian Bethancourt Has Officially Made The Padres' Roster As A Two-Way Playing Experiment
Ten months after Christian Bethancourt notched two outs in a blowout for his first big-league pitching appearance, the San Diego Padres catcher is officially getting his chance to make it as a two-way player. After spending his offseason focusing on his pitching, he was included on the roster announ...
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Undresses A Pair Of Defenders, Serves Up Opening Goal
This evening’s USMNT-Panama match was soggy, goalless, and uneventful for the first 39 minutes, until America’s greatest teenager, Christian Pulisic, owned a pair of experienced Panamanian defenders and put an easy assist on a platter for Clint Dempsey. Felipe Baliy and Roman Torres are two of Panam...
Bruce Arena Has Some Dumb Ideas About Who Created Christian Pulisic<em></em>
Jurgen Klinsmann was an arrogant jerk with a penchant for demoralizing his players and pissing off powerful executives in the American soccer scene with his lofty ideas about how to shake up American soccer as it has been—a culture that consistently puts out a motley crew of under-talented overachie...
Does This Look Like The Reincarnation Of Lou Gehrig To You?<em></em>
You’ve spoken to a toddler, or at least know enough about children to imagine what speaking to a toddler might be like. You understand that a 2-year-old child, because his brain is still developing and he is just starting to experiment with language, is liable to say some dumb things. A toddler migh...
The Christian Pulisic Era Has Officially Begun
If there was a single aspect of the USMNT’s exhilarating, thoroughly commanding 6-0 crushing of Honduras in last Friday’s critical World Cup qualifier that was less than perfect, it was at least one outside the purview of everyone involved....
Christian Pulisic Is Not The Next Landon Donovan
In the leadup to the U.S. men’s national team’s critical World Cup qualifier tonight against Honduras, the usual and deserved attention has been predictably focused on Christian Pulisic, who, if you somehow still need an introduction, is the young American phenom lighting it up for Borussia Dortmund...
Four T'd Up As Warriors And Thunder "Brawl"
Stephen Curry, Draymond Green, Semaj Christon, and Russell Westbrook all drew technical fouls as a fight between the Warriors and Thunder erupted near the end of tonight’s first half in Oklahoma City....
War Machine Found Guilty On 29 Of 34 Charges Of Violence And Sexual Assault
A Las Vegas jury found former MMA fighter War Machine (born Jon Koppenhaver) guilty today on 29 charges for when he brutally beat ex-girlfriend Christy Mack and her male friend Corey Thomas back in 2014. The jury deliberated for a day and a half before finding War Machine guilty of most of the charg...
Christian Pulisic's Swag Is Crazy High Right Now And It's Beautiful To See
Highly coveted wonderteen and future Ballon d’Or winner Christian Pulisic scored the first goal in Borussia Dortmund’s 3-0 win over Lotte in the German Cup yesterday. The goal itself was fine, the product of Pulisic’s smart movement but mostly Ousmane Dembélé’s unreal skills. But check out Pulisic’s...
American Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Stomped All Over Benfica<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund lost 1-0 to Benfica in Lisbon, Portugal two weeks ago, necessitating a strong performance today in the second leg of their Round of 16 Champions League tie to advance. They needn’t worry, because the wonderteen was there. ...
Former NFL Player Loses High School Coaching Job Over Old Photo Of Him Holding Booze
Thanks to some snitching parents and a reactionary, uptight school administration, former NFL corner Fernando Bryant is now out of a job....
Chris Christie Tries Sports Bloviating, Is Bad At That, Too
Chris Christie, a man who lacks charm, wit, or the support of either major political party, went on SNY TV last night to stan for Mets by taking weak-ass shots at the Phillies....
Borussia Dortmund Will Soon Be So Damn Good
In what has been a pretty tame January transfer window—unless Manchester United discarding spare parts gets you excited—Borussia Dortmund made perhaps the biggest splash today when they signed 17-year-old Swedish phenom Alexander Isak, along with extending the contract of the world’s future best pla...
The Spy Who Compiled The Golden Showers Dossier Helped Bring Down Sepp Blatter
A day after Donald Trump held a press conference to decry Buzzfeed’s reporting, spout nonsensically about how he doesn’t do treason, and claim that he wouldn’t take part in a golden shower party because he’s a germaphobe, the Wall Street Journal has reported the identity of the British spy who helpe...
Christian Slater Is Ready For Your Boat Takes
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Christmas Watch: We Look Back On Christmas
Some would have you believe that Christmas is over. But is it? Yes. But how was it? ...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
OK, so you’ve already learned about all the things we shoved inside ourselves last year. But what about our dangly bits? Rest assured, we punished them....
The Cleveland Browns Are 1-14
The Cleveland Browns beat the San Diego Chargers this afternoon, 20-17. Rejoice. ...
Good News—Your Job Is Closed On Christmas
I just walked by a grocery store with a sign in the window saying they would be open until 6:30 p.m. on Christmas. Funny joke! If you’re an employee there, you should know that’s wrong—everything is closed on Christmas. ...