christ Page 58 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
320-Lb. White Men Can't Jump
Ravens OT Joe Reitz did the honors last night for a TD celebration goalpost dunk. Or, he tried. Which is sad considering he's played more years of high level basketball than football in his life....
Look At These Fucking Hoopsters At Lollapalooza: Part Two
Welcome to the second edition of the Hoopsters of Lollapalooza 2010. There's been some debate over whether of not some of the entrants are real "hipsters" or merely "bros." Why though? This is a forum for ridicule, not ontological precision. Onto the pictures! Part One | Part Two | Part Three...
Look At These Fucking Hoopsters At Lollapalooza
This weekend's Lollapalooza was dubbed "Hoopster Mecca" by one tipster, and after sifting through all the submissions it's clear that the hoopsters made Lollapalooza the site of their Hajj. So, here's part one of a multipart series. Christ, just look at these fucking hoopsters. Part One | Part Two ...
Cal Second-String Wide Receiver Is Third-Rate Rapper
For senior Alex "Loggy" Lagemann, the upcoming football season couldn't have come at a worse time: the addition of practices, study halls, and games to his schedule will only take valuable time away from his true passion: making awful, awful rap music....
The Trick Shot Controversies Continue
The semantics battle between trick-shot crews continues today after news surfaced of a third claimant to the "world's farthest/longest/other synonym" shot title. Meet the corn-pone spitfires that make up the East Side trick-shot crew....
Look At This Fucking Hoopster; Or, The Decline Of Western Civilization
Previously we noticed the uptick in hipsters wearing NBA jerseys and asked for your help in exposing more of these monsters. You did not disappoint. So click around and just look at these fucking hoopsters....
Deadspin Classic: Stephon Marbury Is Puzzled By My Godlessness
Contrary to earlier reports out of China, Stephon Marbury says he's still holding out hope of signing with the Heat. Three years ago, I sat down with Marbury, and the two of us discussed other providential matters....
Cancel Christmas, Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't Getting Married!
At least twenty minutes this morning have been spent scooping oozing chunks of warm egg from The Spoiler's face. Not an embarrassing breakfast mishap, you understand, but a clever metaphor....
We Want To See Your Ironic NBA Jerseys (UPDATE)
Yesterday, we posted a quicklink to The Faster Times's gallery of indie bros wearing NBA jerseys at the Pitchfork Festival. It's a fascinating phenomenon, a game even, as if they're actively trying to wear the most ridiculous NBA jersey imaginable....
Great Moments in White History*
Let the historical record reflect that the first White Man to complete a timed 100-meter race, on foot, in under 10 seconds, was Christophe Lemaitre. In unrelated news, Usain Bolt reportedly keeps looking over his shoulder ... with, like, Hubble binoculars....
The World Cup Has Popularized The Weeping Man
So many male fans crying throughout the World Cup, from joy or sorrow, but it does represent how special this event is. Except this dude, who sobbed like a college girl watching "The Notebook" for the fifteenth time....
Denver Broncos In No Rush To See Tim Tebow
"The biggest impact Tebow has had on the team since being drafted is to raise coach Josh McDaniels' appreciation for veteran Kyle Orton." [Denver Post]...
Touchdown Jesus Statue Destroyed By Act Of God (UPDATE WITH VIDEO)
Via the Cincinnati Enquirer: "Lightning struck and ignited a fire late Monday that destroyed a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms stretched toward the skies." He'll be back, I'm sure. UPDATE: Watch Him burn! Video below....
Won't Some NBA Team Please Draft This Short, Slow Filipino Basketball Player?
That's Chris Tiu, a popular basketball player in the Philippines. He has lots of fans who think some NBA team should draft him in the second round. One caveat: "At 5'11" he won't beat you with speed." [Draft Chris Tiu]...
This Sioux City Promotional Video Is So Awful, You'll Want To Move There Ironically
By gathering notable townsfolk for this Up With People-esque extravaganza (and by not paying any attention to Starship's lyrics), Sioux City's promo video has now supplanted Cleveland's as the most unintentionally hilarious instance of civic self-love. H/T @edsbs....
10 More Songs Notre Dame Could Have Used For Promotional Purposes
Remember that awful Notre Dame promotional video we wrote about yesterday? Well, it only seemed awful because everyone interpreted it wrong. Actually, it was kind of brilliant. My pal Nate Freeman, who knows nothing about sports, is here to explain....
Now Here's A Reds Funk Song To Make Their Fan Base Recoil In Shame
Readers Seth & Jen watched that wonderful Notre Dame promo and thought they recognized those Midwestern-sports-funk stylings from the video you see here, a celebration of Reds fandom....
Touchdown Jesus Wept: Notre Dame's Promo Video Is Funky, Awful
Notre Dame, a small Bible school with one of sports' more offensive nicknames, has decided to promote its athletic program by channeling Parliament-Funkadelic. The echoes just woke up and would like Notre Dame to please keep that awful racket down. [MSF]...
Cristiano Ronaldo Scores A Beauty For Real Madrid
Ever since he cruelly turned his back on the Premier League for the paltry sum of £80million, hardly anyone over here gets to keep up with Cristiano Ronaldo's football progress. As it happens, he's still quite good....
Scott Stapp Ruins Baseball
Here's Stapp, known to you as lead singer for the band that made you hate both music and God, howling a song called "Marlins Will Soar." Sample lyric: "Let's play ball, it's gameday. We want strikeouts, base hits, double plays." [Stapp's Blog]...