1. Mary Bailey

My family only has a few Christmas traditions, among them cinnamon rolls, trips to the dog park, bike rides, and yard work. But the most important tradition—one that gets us up early on Christmas morning—is the SEC Network Yule Log, which is just like other yule log broadcasts except that the orchestral renditions of…

Kyrie Irving is a man of many strange and poorly constructed takes, and he has never been shy about launching these dizzying takes into the public consciousness. Christmas, you may have heard, is Monday. Here is Kyrie Irving, on Christmas, a holiday celebrated the world over:

‘Tis the season to get messy.

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house…
Not a damn thing was ready.

Every year, the Pittsburgh Penguins put out their own version of a holiday classic. This year it’s A Christmas Story, and I hadn’t realized this until now but the holiday season can’t officially begin until you’ve seen Kris Letang admiring himself in a bunny suit while Phil Kessel moans, “He looks like a pink…

This year on Christmas morning, we four adult children will emerge from our various haphazard sleeping situations, my sister and I from the double bed we traditionally share, and my brothers from their makeshift beds in the unfinished basement, or perhaps one of them will have fallen asleep on the couch the night…

Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking aliens, Christmas songs, the XFL, and more.

Last weekend, Santa made a preseason appearance at the Tampa Bay Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament to deliver a toy to a very lucky nine-year-old. He opted not to use a sleigh, instead skydiving into the beach but before that into a tree and a lightpole.

Some would have you believe that Christmas is over. But is it? Yes. But how was it?

I just walked by a grocery store with a sign in the window saying they would be open until 6:30 p.m. on Christmas. Funny joke! If you’re an employee there, you should know that’s wrong—everything is closed on Christmas.

Here we have a legitimately captivating video in which the makers of Epic Battle Simulator (video games are good) demonstrate what their game is capable of. This video is eight minutes long, and I watched the whole damn thing:

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering the Chargers, Christmas gifts, seasonal porn, and more.

This is Gary. Say hi to Gary. Merry Christmas Gary, you trashcat (his words, not mine, although I’d use the same words).

You wanna see a guy who looks like Santa Claus deadlift 650 pounds while some EDM-inflected Christmas music plays in the background? Hell yeah you do!

It is almost Christmas time but what does it mean across America? Here is the news.

Dogs don’t really understand the concept of time, holidays, or seasonal gift giving, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make sure to let them know that they are very, very good pups.

Holiday parties are a wonderful time of the year where you can get drunk with your coworkers, contract gonorrhea from them, or in Chip Kelly’s case, hurry on your pending unemployment. CBS’ Jason La Canfora has a report from the aftermath of Kelly’s firing by the Philadelphia Eagles, and it’s pretty funny.

Today is a day to celebrate, among other things, the birthday of Rickey Henderson, a man who embodies baseball at its best so completely that it’s hard to do him any justice. Here’s to you, Rickey.