Christmas Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Penguins Do <i>A Christmas Story</i>
Every year, the Pittsburgh Penguins put out their own version of a holiday classic. This year it’s A Christmas Story, and I hadn’t realized this until now but the holiday season can’t officially begin until you’ve seen Kris Letang admiring himself in a bunny suit while Phil Kessel moans, “He looks l...
Do We Grow Out Of Going Home For The Holidays?
This year on Christmas morning, we four adult children will emerge from our various haphazard sleeping situations, my sister and I from the double bed we traditionally share, and my brothers from their makeshift beds in the unfinished basement, or perhaps one of them will have fallen asleep on the c...
Please Enjoy "The Joy Of Christmas," The Greatest, Goofiest Christmas Album Ever Made
Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:...
Could Santa Claus Defeat Godzilla?<em></em>
I got more Star Wars takes before we get into your letters. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna spoil anything, but I watched The Force Awakens a couple times after seeing the new movie and the difference in dialogue is night and day, man. Everyone in TFA had better lines than they do in The Last Jedi. Take ...
Enjoy This Lovely Christmas Moment
Last weekend, Santa made a preseason appearance at the Tampa Bay Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament to deliver a toy to a very lucky nine-year-old. He opted not to use a sleigh, instead skydiving into the beach but before that into a tree and a lightpole....
Christmas Watch: We Look Back On Christmas
Some would have you believe that Christmas is over. But is it? Yes. But how was it? ...
Good News—Your Job Is Closed On Christmas
I just walked by a grocery store with a sign in the window saying they would be open until 6:30 p.m. on Christmas. Funny joke! If you’re an employee there, you should know that’s wrong—everything is closed on Christmas. ...
Hmmm, Yes, I Am Extremely Into This Game In Which 11,000 Penguins War With 4,000 Santas
Here we have a legitimately captivating video in which the makers of Epic Battle Simulator (video games are good) demonstrate what their game is capable of. This video is eight minutes long, and I watched the whole damn thing:...
I Bought A Fake Christmas Tree Because I’m Not A Deluded Simpleton
Before we get into the Funbag, some basic housecleaning: There will NOT be a Funbag next week. Go watch a movie, or take a road trip, or eat the entire caramel section of one of those big popcorn tins instead. I’ll be back in the New Year. Also, if Santa doesn’t get you The Hike for Christmas, tell ...
May This Philadelphia Opossum Bring You Holiday Cheer
This is Gary. Say hi to Gary. Merry Christmas Gary, you trashcat (his words, not mine, although I’d use the same words)....
Big Strong Santa Will Get You Feeling Festive
You wanna see a guy who looks like Santa Claus deadlift 650 pounds while some EDM-inflected Christmas music plays in the background? Hell yeah you do!...
Christmas Watch: Right Now It's All About Christmas
It is almost Christmas time but what does it mean across America? Here is the news....
Gifts For Very Good Dogs
Dogs don’t really understand the concept of time, holidays, or seasonal gift giving, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make sure to let them know that they are very, very good pups....
Report: Chip Kelly Was Fired In Part Because He Messed Up The Eagles' Holiday Party
Holiday parties are a wonderful time of the year where you can get drunk with your coworkers, contract gonorrhea from them, or in Chip Kelly’s case, hurry on your pending unemployment. CBS’ Jason La Canfora has a report from the aftermath of Kelly’s firing by the Philadelphia Eagles, and it’s pretty...
Happy Birthday, Rickey Henderson!
Today is a day to celebrate, among other things, the birthday of Rickey Henderson, a man who embodies baseball at its best so completely that it’s hard to do him any justice. Here’s to you, Rickey....
Enjoy Some Of The Most Ridiculous Christmas Wish Lists Ever Written
If you got what you wanted for Christmas, that’s probably in part because you didn’t ask for, say, “A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime.” This would set you apart from the authors of the lists below, some of whom got some of what they wanted, some of whom just couldn’t possibly hav...
What Is The Best Birthday Month?
PROGRAMMING NOTE: I’m outta here next week to go do Christmas things. You’re not getting a Funbag. You’ll have to go mud-sledding or something. Deadspin founder and artificial Georgian Will Leitch will be your Jamboroo guest host. ...
Bills Fan Slams Santa Through A Table
It’s Christmastime, and that means families gather together, the spirit of giving moves us, and Santa Claus travels about, giving presents to children who’ve behaved all year. ...
How To Tell Your Folks You're Not Coming Home For The Holidays
No matter how old you get, there’s some news that’s hard to break to your parents. Nobody ever wants to trigger another “we’re not mad, we’re just disappointed” situation. The holidays especially hold a lot of emotional weight, so making plans can get complicated, especially when you’ve got ... othe...
Five Liquors For Your Friend Who's A Lush But Not A Concerning Lush (Yet)
Booze is good. Booze-snob culture is ... less good. Don’t let that put you off buying booze for yourself and people you like and, hell, people you don’t like this holiday season! Here are some of our recommendations, none of which will put you much out of pocket and none of which will shame you if y...