cristiano-ronaldo Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo's Sister Wants To Exile The People Who Vandalized Her Brother's Statue To Syria
The enormous, bronze, big-dicked statue that stands in honor of Cristiano Ronaldo in his home town was vandalized Monday, as some rascals painted Lionel Messi’s name on its back. Ronaldo’s sister had some very, very, very strong words for the culprits....
Ballon d’Or Voting Is Full Of Bizarre Ballots
This is how democracy works. You give the right to vote to a large swath of people of varying ages, expertise levels, and motivations, add up their collective responses, and hope to come out with a good result. Today’s Ballon d’Or award ceremony, where Lionel Messi won the thing for the fifth time o...
Reporter: I Was Told Not To Write About Gareth Bale's Transfer Fee Because It Would Annoy Ronaldo
Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo are superstar teammates for Real Madrid. They both cost a whole bunch of money to buy. Bale cost a little bit more. Ronaldo does not like being reminded of this. Here’s proof:...
Europa League Team Thinks It Can Buy Cristiano Ronaldo, Neymar, And Gareth Bale
Oh, Manchester United. Haven’t we been over this already?...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Movie Premiere Was Perfectly Sad
Early on in his review of the new movie/vanity project documenting a year in the life of Cristiano Ronaldo, Daniel Taylor noted “it is difficult not to come away with the feeling that Ronaldo must shout his own name during sex.”...
French Media Calls In Body Language Expert To Divine Ronaldo's Secret Intentions
Every couple years, the European media works itself into a bubbly froth about Cristiano Ronaldo’s future. We’re now in the thick of yet another foamy period, and perhaps because his departure might actually be imminent this time, the papers are going to absurd lengths to search for clues....
Report: Martin Scorsese Drops Cristiano Ronaldo From New Movie
Last month, Martin Scorsese reportedly cast Cristiano Ronaldo in his upcoming movie, The Manipulator, which is apparently about mega-rich Italian real estate agent Alessandro Proto. The Italian has claimed that he is, in fact, the inspiration for the titular Christian Grey of “Fifty Shades Of Grey.”...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Son Trolls His Grandma With Questions About Messi
Noted Lionel Messi superfan Cristiano Ronaldo Jr. got in some good digs on his superstar dad’s mom recently. While attending daddy Ronaldo’s award ceremony for his fourth Golden Boot, the little kid had some timely questions about Messi’s Balon d’Or collection. Granny was none too interested....
Gareth Bale's Loud-Mouth Agent Might Have Talked Himself Out Of A Job
Earlier this week, Gareth Bale’s agent, Jonathan Barnett, proclaimed in an interview that Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo don’t hate each other. Rather than assuaging the situation, it appears that all the agent succeeded at was getting Bale to hate him....
Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't The Greatest Player Alive, And That's Insane
Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo won Europe’s Golden Shoe yesterday, which recognizes the top scorer across the continent’s top leagues. It’s the fourth time he’s won the award, and it comes after last season, when he scored 48 goals in 35 La Liga games. No one else in the history of the award has wo...
Agent: Gareth Bale And Ronaldo Don't Hate Each Other (They Totally Do)
It’s long been understood that playing with Cristiano Ronaldo is not the easiest of tasks. He is a singular talent that thrives on a team built with the specific objective of facilitating him. As driven an athlete as you’ll ever find, he focuses only on winning—and to him, the path to winning starts...
Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Five Goals In Destruction Of Espanyol
Espanyol isn’t a horrible La Liga side, exactly, but they struggled immensely today in a home bout against Real Madrid as Los Periquitos conceded six goals, five of them to Cristiano Ronaldo....
Here Are Some Athletes You Should Bone Instead Of Cristiano Ronaldo
The consensus view is that Portuguese soccer mega-star Cristiano Ronaldo, currently being a weird brand robot in Japan, is not just a good-looking and sexy athlete, but perhaps the best-looking, the sexiest male athlete. But nah. His facial features are too small, his eyebrows too sculpted, his chin...
Cristiano Ronaldo Has A Great Time Getting Felt Up On Japanese TV
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Apparently the aphorism applies a little differently to cyborgs. New evidence shows that a finger or five on Cristiano Ronaldo’s laser-cut abs turns him into a giggling schoolborg who will love you forever....
Ronaldo Shills Bullshit Workout Contraption In Ridiculous Commercial
I’m not saying Cristiano Ronaldo is a cyborg, and if he is he’s probably a benevolent one, but if this wild commercial for some weird, obviously scammy Japanese “exercise gear” isn’t really a behind-the-scenes look at Ronaldo’s morning boot-up process, I’ll buy this stuff and have a six pack in no t...
Ronaldo Returns Lost Phone, Treats Owner And Her Friends To A Night Out
Cristiano Ronaldo is famous for his many, many goals and the selfish way he goes about scoring them. However, the forward is apparently more than willing to lend a helping hand to a random stranger in Las Vegas, finding a woman’s phone, returning it to her, and taking her and her friends on a night ...
Cristiano Ronaldo Scoffs At Championship, Exults In His Own Ronaldoness
For pretty much everyone involved or invested in La Liga, the biggest opportunity on offer during yesterday’s penultimate match day of the season was, seemingly, for Barcelona to wrap up the league title by beating Atlético. Cristiano Ronaldo, though, had his eyes on a larger prize. While Barcelona ...
"Astonishing Astrophysics!" Ronaldo Scores Bouncing Free Kick Goal
Cristiano Ronaldo put Real Madrid up 1-0 on Eibar today with this knuckler of a free kick that left the keeper totally, in Ray Hudson’s words, “bamboozled.” His whole call is, as usual, a gem:...
Cristiano Ronaldo Shills Underwear With His Dong
Fresh off a couple great performances for Real Madrid, Cristiano Ronaldo posted a new picture of himself stumping for his underwear line, prominently featuring his favorite teammate. Here’s the full photo of his crotch in all its glory:...