Cristiano Ronaldo Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Played Like Shit Yesterday
The most shocking scoreline of yesterday’s round of Champions League matches was definitely the 3-3 draw between reigning European champions Real Madrid and Polish giants (but European minnows) Legia Warsaw. How could a team of Gareth Bale, Karim Benzema, and—above all—Cristiano Ronaldo fail to beat...
Ronaldo On His Biggest Influence (Himself), His Biggest Inspiration (Himself), And How He Craves The Hate
Man, Cristiano Ronaldo sure does love him some Cristiano Ronaldo. From representations of his well-chiseled body to his facially-imprecise but amply-bedicked statue, to a glorified home movie disguised as a feature film, and even to his own, apparently delicious crotch, it’s long been evident that R...
Salty-Ass Cristiano Ronaldo Flips Out After Teammate Laughs At Him
Regular human beings Danilo and Marcelo shared a laugh during Real Madrid training yesterday after the former did that funny little thing that sometimes happens during piggy-in-the-middle games and passed the ball between Cristiano Ronaldo’s legs. The cyborg Ronaldo must not have had his emotional c...
Hey, Cristiano Ronaldo Scored A Pretty Cool Goal!
Well, well, would you look at this. Global icon, all-time soccer great, and technological marvel (seriously, how did they make this android so convincingly human that it takes a solid 10 minutes or so of listening to him before you realize he was “born” in an evil scientist’s underground bunker?) Cr...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
Cristiano Ronaldo Named Best Player In Europe, Wins Creepy-Ass Trophy
Cristiano Ronaldo, the greatest soccer-playing cyborg ever made/animated, had a year to remember. First, he dragged Real Madrid to Champions League glory (pulling them through the least daunting field maybe ever, but hey, winning’s winning) in May. For his next feat, he stood on the sidelines with w...
The Newest Front In The Barcelona-Real Madrid Rivalry Is Photoshopping Ronaldo's Abs
For the motivated and inspired, there is a nearly unending list of things you can criticize and/or laugh at Cristiano Ronaldo about. One of the few things not on that list is disputing the chiseled nature of every inch of the man’s body. And yet a Catalan TV station tried exactly that when they snuc...
Ronaldo's Performance During Euro Final Was Like Christ's Victory Over Sin And Death, Says His Sister
Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t turn water into wine or rise from the dead or even play the vast majority of the Euro 2016 final Portugal won last weekend. But he did hurt his knee and cry, which was apparently enough for his sister to compare him to Christ on the cross....
Cristiano Ronaldo Dominated The Euro 2016 Final Without Even Playing
Eventually, as the days become months and months become years after yesterday’s Euro 2016 final, where Portugal bested France in extra time, no one will remember that it was the poorly played—though passionate—conclusion to a tournament that itself was stuffed with teams that played like our endeari...
Ronaldo Hurt; Assaulted By Moth
Cristiano Ronaldo was injured early in today’s Euro 2016 final against France, and after two trips to the sidelines the Portugal star has finally been removed from the match in the 24th minute....
Selfie-Taking, Photo-Bombing Ball Boy Had Best Performance Of Portugal-Wales Game
Where Portugal and Wales failed to actualize their best selves during yesterday’s bland Euro semifinal, this enterprising teen ball boy put together a performance for the ages, one every subsequent ball boy will aspire to replicate....
Cristiano Ronaldo Freaked The Fuck Out During The Portugal-Poland Penalty Shootout
We’re used to seeing Cristiano Ronaldo as the picture of confidence, swaggering around the pitch with his chest all puffed and his chin to the sky. But Ronaldo is indeed human (or at least has recently underwent a software upgrade which included a new and incredibly realistic human behavior-miming m...
Cristiano Ronaldo, The Cheekiest Bastard, Is Doing All He Can To Rescue Portugal
This. Goal. Is. Disgusting. Microphone-chucker Cristiano Ronaldo, desperate to deliver Portugal from the group stage of the Euros, kicked in this stupid-good one-time backheel to bring his team back level against Hungary....
Fed-Up Ronaldo Responds To Reporter's Question By Chucking Microphone Into Lake
So ... does this mean Cristiano Ronaldo is in fact ready for today’s big game?...
Cristiano Ronaldo Botches Penalty Kick, Takes Selfie With Idiot On The Field
Portugal only managed a draw against Austria today in Paris after Cristiano Ronaldo missed a late penalty kick; the Real Madrid superstar then was confronted after the game by an Idiot On The Field who demanded—and apparently got—a selfie with the three-time world player of the year:...
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Not Mad. This Is Actually Funny To Him.
Underwear mogul/ab demon Cristiano Ronaldo and his Portuguese teammates opened their Euro 2016 campaign against Iceland today. It was the tiny island’s first European Championship game ever, and they managed to come from behind and tie Portugal, 1-1. Portugal had 27 shots, 10 on goal, and 66 percent...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Son Trolled Him Again
It’s official now: Cristiano Ronaldo’s son already has the natural impulses of a seasoned troll, at only five years old. We knew about his huge fandom of Ronaldo’s biggest rival, Lionel Messi, we’ve seen him tweak his grandma along those same lines, and we’re pretty confident Junior knew what he was...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Swag Is Off The Charts Right Now
The video you’re about to see shows a neat little Real Madrid sequence capped by a deceptively difficult Cristiano Ronaldo finish. But the goal itself isn’t what we’re here for. What we are here for is all the swag dripping off the Portuguese forward after he scores....
Gareth Bale Makes A Totally Convincing Case That He And Ronaldo Are Buds
Gareth Bale is out to set the record straight. He’s heard all the rumors that he and Cristiano Ronaldo don’t get along. He’s even seen the efforts of his agent to disabuse fans of the notion that the Bale-Ronaldo partnership is anything but jolly twisted into evidence of the exact opposite by a conn...
Cristiano Ronaldo Was Great Today, Just Like He Knew He Would Be
It’s hard to think of a more quintessentially Cristiano Ronaldo performance than the show he put on today. Everything that makes him the all-time great that he is—from the tangible things like his speed, power, technique, and finishing, to the abstract ones like his determination and preternatural i...