emo Page 43 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
José Mourinho And Manchester United Are Really Feeling Themselves After The Pogba Deal
Yes, Manchester United won a huge, potentially era-defining victory when they convinced Paul Pogba to join them this summer. It makes sense that everyone at the club would be ecstatic about it. What is less necessary is the way the club, and shit-talk lover José Mourinho himself, appear to be using ...
Kip Keino's Emotional Speech And Everything Else NBC Edited Out Of Its Opening Ceremony Broadcast
NBC’s tape-delayed Opening Ceremony broadcast ran a cool 4:58:38—more than an hour longer than the event’s real-time duration—but, as usual, the Peacock Network left plenty of the show on its cutting-room floor. Here’s everything NBC excised from last night’s broadcast:...
Q&A: Eugene Monroe On Why The NFL Desperately Needs Medical Marijuana
Last month, offensive tackle Eugene Monroe retired from the NFL at 29 years old, after seven seasons with the Jaguars and Ravens. Monroe’s retirement came just a few months after he declared his advocacy for medical marijuana as a way to combat the constant pain that comes with life as an NFL player...
Japanese Gymnast Reportedly Racks Up $5,000 Bill Playing <i>Pokémon Go</i> At The Olympics
Kohei Uchimura is a six-time world champion gymnast, a four-time gold medalist at the Olympics, and, apparently, an aspiring Pokémon trainer. Playing Pokémon Go in different locales can be a great way to accrue a collection of new monsters, but it can also cost you severely. Uchimura reportedly play...
How Not To Break The Law Playing <i>Pokémon Go</i>
Welcome back to Ask a Lawyer, wherein I, a lawyer, respond to your questions. Got a vexing legal issue? Send it over, or drop it in the comments below....
Report: The Olympics Opening Ceremony Features Gisele Bündchen Getting Assaulted<em></em>
That supermodel Gisele would have a role in this week’s Olympics opening ceremony was a given, and previous reports indicated the Brazilian supermodel would have a “sexy starring role.” But reports from witnesses of Sunday’s opening ceremony dress rehearsal explained to Brazil’s UOL that Tom Brady’s...
Spectators Hospitalized After Driveshaft Goes Flying Into Crowd At Demolition Derby
Three people went to the hospital after a truck’s driveshaft was catapulted into the crowd at a Utah demolition derby. The videos are a terror:...
The RNC And The DNC Are Finally Over; Did Anything Actually Happen?<em></em>
After eight days of American flag lapel pins and canned applause lines, the major political parties’ nominating conventions—the Republican National Convention (RNC) and the Democratic National Convention (DNC)—have finally come to an end. As many observers long expected, the Democrats selected Hilla...
Communists' DNC Flag-Burning Interrupted By DeSean Jackson Fanboy
The Revolutionary Communist Party and First Amendment pioneer Gregory Johnson staged a flag burning outside the Democratic National Convention today, only to find a Philadelphia Eagles fan taking objection to their attempt at free-speech fulmination....
Iowa Football Player Playing <i>Pokémon Go</i> Mistaken For Bank Robber, Held At Gunpoint By Police
Faith Ekakitie, a rising senior defensive lineman at Iowa, was minding his own business—he had taken a walk to a park to play some Pokémon Go, as one does. That’s when he was confronted by Iowa City police with guns drawn....
Clinton Courts Crucial Boring Whites Demographic With Kaine VP Nom<em></em>
Sure, history says this is what was expected. The Democrats have given us Joe Biden, better known for his flubs than his actual oratory execution; Al Gore, whose “look at how hard I am acting like I am hot for my wife” kiss is impossible to forget; and Walter Mondale, whose face I cannot picture at ...
Eugene Monroe Retires From NFL, Citing Fear Of CTE
Eugene Monroe is 29 years old and a starting-caliber left tackle, but was curiously released by the Ravens this offseason, a move Monroe believes was caused by his outspoken advocacy of medical marijuana. Today, Monroe retired from the NFL over health concerns....
Minnesota United Goalkeeper Concedes Maybe The World's Dumbest Own Goal
I am wary of lapsing into superlatives over every old highlight, but with that qualifier out of the way, this might be the dumbest own goal I have ever seen....
Boar Emerges From The Sea, Unleashes Fury Upon Beachgoers
A beautiful dark boar emerged from sea foam and barreled onto the beach, in a vision out of Greek myth....
Kent Bazemore Gets Emotional While Discussing Decision To Return To Atlanta
It wasn’t so long ago that Kent Bazemore was the scrub on the end of the Warriors’ bench who wasn’t known for anything other than his enthusiastic celebrations. He’s since fashioned himself into a solid swingman, and was one of the more sought-after free agents in this summer’s class. He chose to re...
Pokémon I Want To Eat, Ranked
Pokémon canon appears to ignore the very real issue of carnivory. Is there Pokémon husbandry? Which Pokémon are raised, or hunted, or caught and trapped as food? Can vegetarians eat Bulbasaur? Nintendo has dodged this issue too long. These are the Pokémon I think would be tastiest....
All My Pokémon Are Boring Trash Idiots
This weekend, I walked around Central Park—a hub for Pokémon Go enthusiasts, apparently—for about three hours trying to catch some good pocket monsters. All I got was a flock of Pidgeys. I hate them....
Try Not Caring About The Latest Fad
So everyone is obsessed with this new Pokémon game, and, after gauging the early potential way wrong, you’re already hopelessly out of touch with this newest mania. Maybe you lack the necessary nostalgia to find the conceit all that appealing, falling as you do right into a narrow age bracket that c...
We Live Among Pokémon Now
All the world is tall grass, thanks to the augmented reality of Pokemon Go, which saw its US release yesterday. A coworker snagged a Pidgey in our offices; I’m going fishing tonight for Magikarp. The creatures menace us everywhere....