f Page 3767 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Is A Lap Dance? You Know, In An Existential Sense, Aren't We All Just God's Lap Dancers?
So the Vikings sex boat trial in Minnesota is going on, like, right now. Well, kind of; former quarterback Daunte Culpepper and fullback Moe Williams are trying to talk a judge into dismissing charges against them. The two players were charged, pretty much, with receiving lap dances, which has spu...
Our Long National Nightmare Is Over; Soriano Caves
Well, it appears that Alfonso Soriano has agreed to play left field for the Nationals in spring training and is, in fact, playing the position right now, against the Cardinals. It "ends" a "standoff" that would be the sports world equivalent of Waco if, you know, Frank Robinson had set fire to Sor...
Leftovers: More Benson Cuckolding
• We're thinking Kris Benson's last couple weeks in New York had to be one of the most emasculating experiences in history. First it was sticking up for his crazy wife, then addressing the trade rumors dressed as Santa and, finally, posing for the cover of New York Tails, a pet magazine for the pe...
Couple Of Knicks, Just Hangin' Out
Inspired by this photo of New York Knicks malcontents Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis, deranged NBA blogger J.E. Skeets imagines what a sideline conversation between the two might go like....
Saying Goodbye To Tuffy
It's a sad day in the world of sports: Tuffy Rhodes has retired days after being cut by his hometown Cincinnati Reds....
New Mexico's Woes Continue
Bad Jocks has been all over this story, and they've got their confirmation from the NFL Draft Almanac: Apparently Marcus "New Mexico" Vick scored a lowly 11 on his Wonderlic test at the NFL combine last month. That's slightly better than Vince Young's badly graded score, but somehow still lower th...
Leftovers: Hey, The Season's Already Over!
• For those who like their sports played in theory more than they like them played in practice — and we're sometimes prey to this ourselves — we present: The 2006 baseball season! [Replacement Level Yankees Weblog] • We might not know the difference between soccer and rugby, but hey, ESPN has proble...
Get Your T.O. Slice Of Funk
The official Terrell Owens Web site has been playing an odd game of hide-and-seek with its T.O. Cowboys rap. One minute it's on the site, the next minute it's off. We don't know what its deal is....
What About The Fantasy Owners?
The moment of truth finally came for Alfonso Soriano and the Washington Nationals yesterday ... and everybody lost....
The Dangerous Rebel With The Fresh Pine Scent
The Ron Artest of sports mascots? Clearly it's the Stanford Tree, in trouble yet again after another shameful display at a basketball game. You may recall back in February, when the Tree was ejected from a men's basketball game between Stanford and Cal for being drunk. (He/she/it registered a Brea...
I Caught You A Delicious Bass ...
While Japan and Cuba were duking it out in San Diego for the first World Baseball Classic title, a few miles away two other sportsmen were writing their own chapter in the history books. Meet Mac Weakley and Jed Dickerson, who on Monday caught a 25.1-pound bass. That's one whopping huge-ass bass i...
Tracking The Barry Bonds "Revelations"
We know we've touched on this already, but after several conversations about it this weekend, we're still fired up about it, so we're bringing it up again....
Leftovers: Joey Cancelled
• Lions finally say they've had enough of Joey Harrington. [Football Outsiders] • New York Post points out that John Rocker is hanging out with a "black babe." You might find her here. [Page Six] • Ichiro is disgusted by our filthy American dugouts. We're such swine. [Newsday] • Is there a right or ...
One Last Draft Handshake For Tagliabue
As had been expected, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced his retirement this afternoon, effective this July. Tagliabue has been on the job for 15 years, and, while not exactly having the mob boss persona of David Stern or the dopey, semi-clueless car salesman vibe of Bud Selig, has still be...
They Grow Their Quarterbacks Big Down There
We know that everyone is excited about Vanderbilt quarterback Jay Cutler, whom some project being drafted ahead of Texas' Vince Young and possibly even USC's Matt Leinart....
Terrell Owens Can Rap Quicker Than You
In recent months, we have done everything in our power to institute a moratorium on Terrell Owens-related news, if just so that, if we were hit by a bus tomorrow, we would be able to talk to our maker with our pure heart, free of egregious sin....
They Left This Out Of FIFA '06
Congratulations, Philadelphia sports fans... you are officially off the hook. I think this one even tops booing players as they're wheeled out on stretchers....
Billy Packer, Meet the MVC
The Missouri Valley Conference put their 2nd team into the Sweet 16 this afternoon when Bradley beat Pitt. Maybe now, as long as they're not on opposite of Duke, Billy Packer can find time to sit down and watch them....
That Probably Hurt...
Washington advanced to the Sweet 16 with a narrow 3-point victory over... you know what, there's a certain Deadspin editor who would probably rather that this game was never mentioned on this site. So I'm not going to say anything about, other than Washington's Brandon Roy is a stud. And, um... so...
Craig Smith, Hater Of Grizzlies
Immediately after my last post, Illinois and Texas A&M took it upon themselves to make me look like a jackass... not that that's particularly difficult. Illinois went on a 19-7 run and trails by just 2 at the half, while Texas A&M went on a 17-4 run to actually pull ahead of LSU....