f Page 3781 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....

Some 1 A.M. Bowl Goodness
We're never reminded more of just how old we're getting than when we watch college freshmen play sports. Penn State kicker Kevin Kelly, we swear, has to be lying on his birth certificate; there's no way he's older than 12. The poor kid finally erased the chances he'd be a Buckner-type goat by fina...

A Match Made In ... Well, In Detroit
We were marvelling this morning at the potential news: Matt Millen and the Detroit Lions are bringing in former Saints coach Jim Haslett for a job interview. We don't necessarily think that hiring Haslett would bring the Fire Millen crowd much closer to dragging the guy out of his house and having...

Orange Bowl: A Contrast In Coaches
Everyone's making a huge deal about the coaching legends Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden facing off in the Orange Bowl tonight. They're the two winningest coaches in Division I-A history, and they're both still going strong. It's nice when old people do well....

Leftovers: Chopping Block Edition
• Weiss fired — no, not that one, the other one. [End Of The Bench] • All NFL coaches who are still employed, take a step forward. Not so fast, Norv Turner. [The Hater Nation] • "Hit Man" Hearns accused of hitting his son. [City Chicken] • U-turn on U.S. 83 — Burnitz headed to Pirates, not O's. [Hon...

Stu Jackson, Straight Up Gangster
We remember covering the Illinois basketball team back in the early '90s, when Stu Jackson was coaching the Wisconsin Badgers. We never found Stu all that talented a coach, but mostly, we were struck by how bland and vanilla he was. For a guy who had once coached the Knicks, we were expecting some...

Mexico Family Causing All Kinds Of Trouble
Much sturm und drang today concerning Little Mexico, Marcus Vick's, pretty blatant dick move during the Gator Bowl yesterday, pounding the left knee of Louisville's Elvis Dumervil. (You can see the video here.)...

Blogdom's Best: Hating The USC Trojans
Perhaps nothing says hatred like college athletics. We have witnessed the body painting, we have seen the flaming objects hurled onto the court. Yes, we have seen the pants waving from atop the flag pole. And today, we salute those pants. We believe that college athletics were invented to give stu...

Ma Sweets Will Punch You In The Mouth
What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn?...

Laura Quinn Gives Us A Fiesta Of Pain
Thoughts while watching about three hundred shots of Brady Quinn's sister, Laura, during the Fiesta Bowl last night: 1. We kind of miss that TV show, Xena, Warrior Princess. 2. We thought A.J. Hawk was some sort of famous skateboarder. Apparently we're confused. 3. Brent Musberger is still al...

The Weird Turns Of Maurice Clarett
We've been trying to get our minds around this whole Maurice Clarett story since we heard about it, but it's almost too confusing for us to keep up with. To recap:...

Saying Goodbye To Tice (And Others)
The grand tradition of the day after the NFL season came through in full force this year: Six NFL coaches were relieved from their duties on "Black Monday." One of them, Dick Vermeil — who is about to be played by Greg Kinnear in a new movie — retired, but everyone else went down like a sack of so...

Southeast Jerome In Heaven With Friends
OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included:...

Clinton Portis And His New Friends
We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration....

Leftovers: Goat, Goat Make Gold!
• Update: Judge throws out goat suit. [ONN News] • Bengals Palmer gets $118 million extension. Was Bootsy Collins involved? [American Sport Outlet] • Joe Horn questions NFL on cell phones. The man would know. [USA Today] • ChiSox, Garland agree on $29 million deal. [Musings Of A Domer]...

FSU Linebacker Accused Of Rape
Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson — linebacker prospect "No. 5B" on Mel Kiper's draft ratings — has been accused of rape. According to the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinal, Nicholson is accused of raping a "19-year-old acquaintence" at a Broward hotel. He has been suspended by coach Bobby Bowden ...

Dungy Returns To Coach Colts
The Indianapolis Star reports that Tony Dungy has returned to the Colts and will be on the sidelines for Sunday's game against the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. He is scheduled to conduct this afternoon's practice session. He has been away from his team for exactly a week and spoke at his...

The Sad, Sorry Last Days Of Brett Favre
We probably should have seen this coming: Now that it's pretty much obvious to everyone on the planet that Packers quarterback Brett Favre should retire before he shows up in a Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals jersey, Emmitt Smith-style, Favre is going on one of his typical passive-aggressive...

How To Simulate Reggie Bush
Apparently, the Texas Longhorns are having a difficult time finding someone to simulate Reggie Bush on the scout team during practices....

The Trophy Monstrosity
Via TrojanWire and Every Day Should Be Saturday, we present the trophy given to the winner of the Fiesta Bowl this year. That's really it. This isn't actual size, but oh, if it were....