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The Tiger Woods Guide To Post-Scandal Press Conferences
No one knows what Tiger Woods will say or do tomorrow, but no matter what happens it will go down in the annals of classic public apologies. Here's a look at some of the legends of the genre....

Tiger's "Selfish" Apology Already Off To A Bad Start
Tiger Woods hasn't even shown up for his earth-shattering non-press conference, but he's already annoying everyone with his attention-hogging, me-first attitude....

Golfing While Sick, For Fun And Profit
Henrik Stenson, puking and pooping his guts out, dragged himself on the course to play one hole at the Accenture Match Play Championship, before withdrawing. Why even bother?...

Make-Up Lady's Sex Harassment Suit Against ESPN Appears Headed Toward Settlement
Remember waaaay back in 2007 when make-up lady "to the stars" Rita Ragone sued ESPN and AVI for sexual harassment and named Woody Paige and Jay Crawford as egregious fanny-pinchers? Well, unfortunately, the claims against those two have been tossed....

Old Man Gives Young Whippersnapper What For (UPDATE)
Word to the wise: When a (possibly racist) 67-year-old man wearing an "I AM a motherfucker" t-shirt gives you guff on an Oakland bus, just let it go. Or go home and get your shine box....

Arnold Schwarzenegger Has A Question For His Golf Partner: "When Was Your Last Blow Job?"
Via Wei Under Par comes this amusing tale of golfing with the California governor, who apparently behaves as coarsely on the links as he does, well, everywhere else....

Cubs Scalping Own Tickets Now
Cubs tickets go on sale Thursday. Or, if you're willing to pay the team an extra 20 percent, Monday. So basically: the Cubs have raised ticket prices 20 percent this year. [Cubs.com]...

The Maple Street Press Is Sorry For Giving/Making The 2010 Cubs Anal
"Continuing with yesterday's theme of things we learned while pulling together the 2010 Annuals, there was a significant one from the Cubs Annual: Derrek Lee is a little taller than we thought."[MapleStreetPress]...

The 2010 Cubs Look Promising And Open To Sexual Experimentation
The Maple Street Press is certainly setting expectations for the Cubs extremely high this year. [ChicagoNow]...

Man Claims Sportsbook Stiffed Him On Silly Kim Kardashian Prop Bet...Which They Did
A reader placed a tiny wager on what color top Reggie Bush's gilrfriend would wear to the Super Bowl. His choice? Black. It appears, in that photo, to be black. He claims Bodog.com would not pay out. Who will die?...

How Is The Isiah Thomas Era Working Out For Florida International?
Not well: The Golden Panthers are 7-19 and "have sold a total of 1,075 individual tickets for nine home games." At least freshman Steven Miro—who turned down Columbia and Harvard to play for Thomas (seriously!)—is happy....

Stories That Don't Suck: Starstruck In N.O., Drunk In Indy, Badly Beaten In Yonkers, Gonzo At The Big Game
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Not-Completely-Sober Freddy Garcia Has Some (Profane) Words For The Cubs
We're not saying Freddy Garcia is drunk in this video, taken at the White Sox' annual SoxFest. We're just pointing out he's unsteady on his feet, slurring his words, and saying "fuck the Cubs, motherfucker."...

Seantrel Henderson Won Signing Day
It's good to be a five-star recruit. The Minnesota product was flown to New York by the CBS College Sports Network to announce his choice. But that pales in comparison to the treatment his suitors gave him....

One Tiger Fling Not Too Happy With Her Balls
Those "Tail of the Tiger" golf balls are in poor taste, sure, but do they advocate domestic violence? That's the stance of Tiger's porn star, and — of course — Gloria Allred....

People Fainting On Live Television Will Never Cease To Amuse
Batista is a Brazilian soccer commentator who got a little woozy during a recent broadcast. Note the expression shortly before his eyes roll upward. It's the look of someone who knows he's about to be all over YouTube. [Unprofessional Foul]...

Louis Farrakhan's Grandson Picks Himself Up By His Bootstraps And Self-Reliantly Dunks On Guy's Head
Here's Virginia guard Mustapha Farrakhan, grandspawn of the leader of the Nation of Islam, hereby dubbed the Mutha Plane, stuffing some poor N.C. State fellow through the hoop. [YouTube, via Steinberg]...

A Portrait Of The Editor As A Young Man
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Bill Wennington, Luc Longley, And Will Perdue Were Once Called "Bang Gang," T-Shirt Alleges
Could we talk about this t-shirt for a moment? Because it is so very wrong....

Ma-Bu-Li In China: A Gallery
You read Anthony Tao's story about Stephon Marbury earlier today. The photos he took during his time on Marbury's trail offer further insight into the weirdness of the Lone Wolf's stint in the Chinese Basketball Association. With commentary by Tao....