ice Page 169 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Things To Do In Cleveland When You're Drunk
Cleveland Browns running back Reuben Droughns was arrested early yesterday morning for driving under the influence of alcohol, after weaving in and out of traffic, speeding and ultimately blowing a 0.08 on the Breathalyzer. (Our father once actually told us, in one of our favorite pieces of advice...
NFL Roundup: Portis' Head
• Contrary to popular belief, Redskins running back Clinton Portis was not doing an impersonation of Yankees center fielder Bernie Williams chasing a fly ball while doing that cartwheel in the end zone yesterday. Good guess, though. • We're not saying that Cincinnati was getting a little too excit...
Somebody PLEASE Let Jerry Rice Be Your Fifth Receiver
Now that Jerry Rice is retired from football, he's not going to spend all of his time simply getting "massages": He's now going to be on reality shows. Rice, along with Bo Jackson, Jennie Finch and Karl Malone, will appear on Spike TV's "Pros Vs. Joes" starting in April....
Vikings In Desperate Need Of Dramamine
All kinds of developments from the Vikings orgy boat story over the weekend. The highlights:...
SI And Mike Price Bury The Bodies Together
Sports Illustrated announced this morning that it and former Alabama coach Mike Price have "amiably resolved" the lawsuit Price filed against the magazine for a story it ran in 2003....
Another Freaking GM Who Doesn't Need To Shave
Honestly, at some point, we're gonna end up seeing baseball owners sitting at the bedroom window of high school Strat-o-Matic games, wearing sun visors, peering through binoculars and feverishly scribbling in a notebook. After Rangers general manager John Hart resigned yesterday, the team hired 28...
Dead. Man. Walking.
We're watching Vikings coach Mike Tice on ESPN News right now, and it's making us sad. He started his press conference swaying back and forth, like a kid in desperate need of Ritalin, and in the next sentence, he compared his players to sailors vomiting off the side of a ship and called himself a ...
Mike Wallace's Dogged Pursuit For Truth
We will confess confusion about "60 Minutes" decaying muckraker Mike Wallace's strange obsession with Dolphins running back Ricky Williams. After his infamous interview last year — in which Wallace all but asked Ricky where he could score some good weed — last night's revisit with Williams consist...
Jerry Rice Refuses To Go Gently
We're actually starting to feel kind of bad for Jerry Rice. The guy's very possibly the best player in NFL history and, now that he has been kicked off three teams and has an opportunity to retire gracefully, he's still desperate to play some more. When asked on the CBS pregame show last Sunday wh...
The Wrong Way To Prepare For Your First Game
Well, that's just great timing. Fresh off the first time in three years of backing up Priest Holmes that he has ever been able to show himself off — he had the best game of his career Sunday — Chiefs running back Larry Johnson has gotten himself in trouble with the law again. According to the Kans...
Jerry Rice Deep-Tissues His Way Into the Sunset
We would like to say "happy trails" to future Hall of Fame receiver Jerry Rice, who retired yesterday after realizing the Broncos actually expected him to run routes, catch passes and occassionally block this season. We salute Rice on his long career, particularly the work he did while hiding in a...
About Last Night ...
• What you missed while shaving profanities onto your dog ... • Florida State beats Miami in football ... wait, that can't be right. • Jerry Rice decides to retire after Broncos clean out his locker, paint over his parking space and refuse to let him back into the building. • White Sox grind Curt Sc...
The New "He Hate Me"
Wide receiver Peerless Price has been nothing but a disaster for the Atlanta Falcons since he was signed as a free agent from the Buffalo Bills; fantasy owners have been wanting to behead him for years. Well, the Falcons finally took care of the whacking today, cutting Price from the team....
Isiah Thomas Freaks Us Out Sometimes
We're watching the Knicks press conference introducing Larry Brown as the team's new head coach. General manager/demolition expert Isiah Thomas introduced him by saying, "when I first met Larry Brown, Russia was invading Afghanistan." Uh ... Isiah ... what?...
Who Has Larry Brown Mania? Anyone? Anyone?
The time was 1:30 in the morning, and we had just finished a failed attempt to talk our girlfriend into having sex with us. In our frustration, we turned on ESPNews, and apparently the world had exploded. Graphics were flashing everywhere, anchors were jumping up and down on their desks and Linda ...
The Most Pointless Job On Earth (And You Can Still Get Fired From It!)
ESPN is reporting — and apparently they're actually reporting it this time — that the Minnesota Timberwolves have hired former Suns guard (and notorious dater of black chicks) Rex Chapman to be the new general manager of the team. He replaces current general manager Jim Stack, a former Northwester...
Some Helpful Advice For Jerry Rice
The official word is in: Jerry Rice will play for the Denver Broncos next season. To help Jerry get around in his new digs, knowing his past proclivities, we helpfully provide him a sampling of area businesses....
Isiah Finally Turns To The WNBA
You know it had to happen eventually. Isiah Thomas, whose plan seems to be to single-handedly rampage everything he comes across, Godzilla-like, is now looking for coach candidates from the WNBA. According to the Newark Star-Ledger (that's the paper with Jimmy Hoffa buried underneath), Bill Laimb...
Breaking News From The Couch
ESPN resident lunatic Stephen A. Smith reports that 76ers coach Jim O'Brien has been fired by the 76ers. We had this news first, because we can type faster than the drones at ESPN.com....