irl Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Adorable Scamp Steals America's Heart, Throws It Back On The Field
The most important story in the world right now is that of Emily Monforto, the precious 3-year-old protester who led a bold and courageous anti-ballhawking demonstration at Citizens Bank Park this week....

Help!
Paul Shirley, hoops journeyman and dime-store Jim Bouton, thinks the Beatles are totally overrated and today's music is vastly superior. Moment I stopped reading: "Just as Dean Koontz came after Bram Stoker, Oasis came after The Beatles." [ESPN]...

I Hope Your Team Wins At Sports This Weekend!
Thank you for letting me play in your sandbox today. I have no idea what any of you are talking about! That being said, you dudes were great. I hope it's not awkward when we run into each other later!...

Mark Whicker Has Left The Yard Before
The year was 1991. Journalist and ex-Marine Terry Anderson had just been freed after nearly seven years of captivity in Lebanon. Seven years is a long time. Luckily, a columnist named Mark Whicker was around to put it in perspective....

The One Where Sweaty Will Leitch Startles A Man
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

USC Song Girls Do That Thing They Do That Makes People Happy
The lively boys at TrojanWire have cobbled together a tribute video to the world's most famous white-sweatered show ponies — with musical accompaniment by the Pixies — to celebrate the advent of Trojan season. [TrojanWire]...

Chinese Also Befuddled By "Pioneer Girl"
Even though many angry people voiced their displeasure with Blazer Girl's appearances on Deadspin, one newspaper has been wowed by her brazenness and her hatred of all things Los Angeles. Pioneer Girl to the rescue....

You're With Me, Star
A Deadspin operative in Bristol sends us this photo from ESPN's new walk of fame. "Berman has his own star," the tipster writes, "and I think I saw Bob Ley spit on it as he walked to the ESPN Cafeteria."...

The Adventures Of Blazer Girl In Bristol
Blazer Girl recently toured ESPN's Bristol compound as part of the network's 30th anniversary celebration. She encountered several strange and frightening plastic creatures. She also encountered the decoy coyotes. Her photos and a full report....

Blazer Girl In The Land Of The Plastic Coyote
These are the notorious decoy coyotes of ESPN, propped up by The Worldwide Leader In Bird Control to scare off nesting geese and captured here in terrifying synthetic predation, like Steve Phillips in those fake press conferences....

The One With A Drunk Gunslinger And More Irrational Anger
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

And This Is When They Fell In Love
I spent part of this morning in Bristol, Connecticut trying to get young Blazer Girl acclimated to the surroundings so she wouldn't be overwhelmed, but she appears to be doing just fine on her own....

And Now A Musical Interlude From John Daly
The big guy dropped out of the PGA Championship after one round (citing a bad back) and then dropped this smash hit single (citing the chords from "Every Rose Has Its Thorn.") Spoiler!: It's about being sad. [Devil Ball Golf]...

Colorado Gives Football Player A Blog, Takes It Away When He Blogs About His Libido
Colorado's athletic department recently gave Ben Burney a blog, ostensibly to provide a glimpse into the life of a college football player. Which was a fine idea until Burney provided a glimpse into the life of a college football player....

USA Eliminated By Croatia In Davis Cup Quarters
This is utterly shocking news to those who had no idea the Davis Cup was even going on right now. [UPI]...

Police Called To Break Up High School Softball Game
"Officers were called around 8:25 p.m. on a report of two baseball teams fighting....up to 30 people, some armed with bats, fighting....The combatants were members of the Cheyenne Mountain and Wasson High School girls softball teams." [Denver Post]...

UNC's Ellington Happy To Be Drafted, But Sad To Leave 19-Year-Old Philly Girlfriend
He was one of the 49 players drafted by the Timberwolves."My girlfriend goes to Drexel, so she wanted me to stay local, as did my family. I'm not upset at all, though. This is a blessing."[Philly.com]...

Blazer Girl To The Rescue: Hello, Deadspin
Meet Blazer Girl. Her name's Cathryn White, and she's a senior at Oregon. She's here to judge how you support your teams. If you spot fans embarrassing themselves by wearing ridiculously awful team gear let her know. Rip City, baby....

Add Trannies To The List Of People Faintly Annoyed By Danica Patrick
The new Danica Patrick commercial: clever deconstruction of gender identity or grievous insult to the transgender community? Discuss. [Trans Universe, via All Left Turns]...
