joe Page 160 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Today In The Premiership...
• Arsenal 7-0 Middlesbrough. Holy Lord. 7-0? Did they let Arsenal use their hands? Man, there's real chance that Arsenal outscores the Chicago Bears this weekend. In fact, Thierry Henry might outscore the Bears himself, as he scored three of the seven....
Soccer Players Shouldn't Date Hot Topless Women
Our mystery soccer correspondent files this report of Chelsea soccer star Joe Cole being beaten to a pulp over a Page 3 girl (Link NSFW)....
Joe Paterno's Slip Of Tongue (Ugh)
It's a nice time to know Penn State coach Joe Paterno ... unless you're a woman, says the National Organization of Women. The organization has taken issue with Paterno's comments about Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson, who was accused of rape in a Florida hotel room. Here's what JoePa said:...
Some 1 A.M. Bowl Goodness
We're never reminded more of just how old we're getting than when we watch college freshmen play sports. Penn State kicker Kevin Kelly, we swear, has to be lying on his birth certificate; there's no way he's older than 12. The poor kid finally erased the chances he'd be a Buckner-type goat by fina...
Orange Bowl: A Contrast In Coaches
Everyone's making a huge deal about the coaching legends Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden facing off in the Orange Bowl tonight. They're the two winningest coaches in Division I-A history, and they're both still going strong. It's nice when old people do well....
Athlete Run-Ins: Joe Morgan's Tiny Finger
Today's first athlete run-in story is about everybody's favorite ESPN baseball analyst Joe Morgan. We're as shocked as you to hear he might be a bit of a jerk in public....
Joe Buck, Hilarious Killjoy
If you didn't already suspect this, Fox broadcaster Joe Buck would have the most boring "Cribs" episode ever. In "5 Questions" in today's New York Post, Buck describes his life away from the broadcast booth....
Wait ... It's Mariucci's Fault?
After watching that wretched Lions' loss to the Falcons yesterday — we'll do anything to make the NFL take away the guaranteed Lions homegame on Thanksgiving every year; that game is NEVER competitive — word is starting to rumble: The Lions are considering firing coach Steve Mariucci. This is Mari...
20 Years After Theismann And LT
WSJ's The Daily Fix alerted us to anniversary that, like just about everything does anymore, succeeded in making us feel old: Today is the 20th anniversary of Lawrence Taylor's brutal hit on Joe Theismann, breaking his leg and ending his career. (The Washington Post has a fantastic story about thi...
NFL Roundup: Down Goes Tice!
• What's funnier than Mike Tice being rolled over and knocked down on the sideline? Nothing, that's what. By the way, we find Tice's dopey sideline celebrations undignified, and Tom Coughlin's constant gyrations of fury incredibly amusing. • Samkon Gado, baby, Samkano Gado. Two touchdowns, one gr...
NFL Roundup: Kicking T.O.
• We love pictures like this. Everyone, honestly, should have a kicker of their own to hug and cuddle. • We're not going to get too into this — because, of course, we're going to do our own whole post on the matter later today — but ESPN's coverage of Terrell Owens is bordering on stalking. ESPN's...
Joe Paterno ... Closet Raci — You Know, We Don't Have The Energy Anymore
Another day, another old college football coach being subtly accused of racism. The headline on ESPN.com's home page kind of lets you know how Penn State coach Joe Paterno's comments on black athletes is being spun: "Paterno Links Black Athletes To Increased Scoring."...
Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Umpires
Umpire Joe West was the crew chief for the World Series that just ended and apparently nobody watched. Cowboy Joe West ... hey, that's the same guy!...
Larry Bowa, Voice Of Calm And Decency
The rumors are coming fast and with much fury, and the notion of it makes us so happy we almost want to dance: The Yankees have offered combustible engine Larry Bowa a job as their third-base coach. It is not known whether Bowa could be considered a potential replacement for Joe Torre were he to f...
Today's Favorite Repulsive Unsubstantiated Rumor
From a reader, in response to our recent items on Joe Buck and Todd Zeile:...
Another Excuse To Want To Strangle Joe Buck
Whatever your thoughts on Joe Buck — and we suspect we know where your feelings on this lie — he has just committed a sin most heinous to pretty much everyone we know: He trashes "Curb Your Enthusiasm," saying, "I am sure the same thing will happen to me in about 2009 when I finally chuckle at one...
Joe Torre, Masochist
One of our favorite games as a kid — and still, actually — was "Rock And A Hard Place." You remember the game: It involved making someone choose between two equally undesirable options. Would you rather kiss a donkey on the butt or look at a naked picture of your mom? You know, that sort of thing....
In Defense Of Joe Pa's Views Of Lesbians
(Honestly, we love that we get to write headlines like that.)...
Does Joe Pa Hate Lesbians Too?
Yesterday, we made a glib remark about Joe Paterno and Penn State's homophobic coach, because hey, we're a blog, we're glib, it's what we do. We joked that you could say what you want about Joe Paterno, but at least unlike his women's basketball coach, he didn't hate lesbians....