k Page 3790 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Paraguayan Soccer Player Rockets In 45-Yard Free Kick
For anyone not satiated by the Lionel Messi goalapalooza from earlier, here is another goal video from a funnily named player in a sports league in a country with which you're vaguely familiar. Somebody buy that man a Baviera. [Goal.com]...

Sharks GM Has Competitively Attractive Daughter
San Jose Sharks GM Doug Wilson's daughter, the absurdly named Lacey, competed in last night's Miss USA competition. So that's why the Sharks were so on edge during Game 1 and couldn't solve the Rubik's Cube that is Chicago goalie Antti Niemi....

Preakness Infield Exposé: I See The Blush Upon Thy Ass Cheeks, Maryland!
On Saturday, photographer Andrew Snow and writer Alan Siegel ventured among the bottoms and bottomless mugs of beer in the Preakness infield. Their report and a gallery, after the jump....

Meet Tyler Lewis: The No-Look-Passing, Ankle-Breaking Teenager
Here's video of a high school sophomore who, since he's white, will be compared endlessly to Steve Nash. While not Nash-level yet, he has a lot going for him: great floor-vision, superior play-making skills, and not being Guerdwich Montimere. [Hoops Doctors, ONEentertainmentHOOPS.com]...

Mooning Spectator Causes Rally Car Crash
Unpredictable terrain. Wild weather. Nothing can break the singular focus of the rally car driver. Except, evidently, one random fellow at the side of the road with his pants around his ankles....

Reliving High School Days More Rape-y Than Hollywood Makes It Seem
Remember Guerdwich Montimere, the 22-year-old man who posed as a 16-year-old to have another go-round at playing high school hoops? Turns out he slept with a 15-year-old girl while living the lie. Guess he was really committed to the part. [AP]...

Weekend Winner: The LeBron Combo
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like John Calipari, who is allegedly being shopped around as part of a package deal with James....

Michael Jordan Likes A Little More Lebensraum In His Hanes
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Don't Forget to Send In Your Photos and Videos of Preakness Debauchery
Unlimited drinks for $20 means, at the very least, someone's got a picture of a jockey being tossed around like a beach ball against his fiery little will....

One-Eyed Funnyman Steve Nash Responds to Phil Jackson's "Nash Carries the Ball" Dig
"I've never heard anyone accuse me of carrying it...I mean, the best coach in the league, Gregg Popovich, didn't have a problem with it last week." Bam! Man, I can't wait until this series actually starts, sometime in mid-June....

Coach Unaware He's Mimicking Dance Squad's Every Move
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Stories That Could Have Been Written Three Months Ago: Nick Johnson's Injury May Require Surgery
Brian Cashman crossed his fingers and hoped Nick Johnson would last more than a month, but it appears right after the deal was signed Johnson walked under a ladder and broke a mirror in a room full of black cats. [NYT]...

Visanthe Shiancoe Wants To Show The World He's More Than Just A Wagging Dong
Yahoo!'s Michael Silver does a double entendre-filled profile on Vikings' tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, who's working hard to overcome his internet long-comings....

Today Is The Preakness, So Send Us Your Photographic Evidence of $20 Debauchery
You know, the usual: Port-a-potty runs, fistfights, "Show. Your. Tits!"-chants, vomiting girls, litter, men running on to the track attempting to cold-cock horses mid-gallop. All that good stuff. Subject: Preakness Mess. And read this excellent story from Triple Canopy....

Gene Simmons Kept His Love Gun In Holster With ESPN Makeup Gal, Suit Claims
Yes, they call him Dr. Love, but he didn't want to meet this ESPN makeup artist, Victoria Jackson, in the Ladies Room. It's Hotter Than Hell, in there. The Firehouse, though? That's fine....

Hockey
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Ridiculous Rumors Started By Internet Varmints: Delonte West Banged LeBron's Mom
Any minute now, you're going to get a "FWD: fwd: FWD" email that purports to have originated with a guy whose "uncle is the general contractor at the Q" and who has it on good authority that West is tagging LBJ's mom....

Penis-Curious News Anchor Responds
Michael HIll, news anchor for New Orleans's ABC affiliate and a man with a penchant for wonderfully awkward questions, has seen our post and writes in to say he does indeed know from banter. E-mail after the jump....

The Condom Follies. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Live Chat With Doug Glanville
Doug's down in the comments, for the next hour or so. Buy the book, ask him stuff, then buy the book again....