lol Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Rudy Gobert Gives Kristaps Porzingis Some Harsh Life Lessons
The New York Knicks’ Sunday afternoon started off pretty well. A 30-20 lead over the Utah Jazz at the end of the first quarter, 14 points from sweet franchise guiding light Kristaps Porzingis, this gorgeous assist from Derrick Rose, all was looking good....
Cristiano Ronaldo Played Like Shit Yesterday
The most shocking scoreline of yesterday’s round of Champions League matches was definitely the 3-3 draw between reigning European champions Real Madrid and Polish giants (but European minnows) Legia Warsaw. How could a team of Gareth Bale, Karim Benzema, and—above all—Cristiano Ronaldo fail to beat...
Let's Check In On Joakim Noah And The Knicks
The Knicks traveled to play fellow mediocre-ish Eastern Conference squad Detroit this evening, and Joakim Noah did this. Turns out, a shitty Vine of someone’s TV is the perfect way to show you this “highlight.”...
Ronaldo On His Biggest Influence (Himself), His Biggest Inspiration (Himself), And How He Craves The Hate
Man, Cristiano Ronaldo sure does love him some Cristiano Ronaldo. From representations of his well-chiseled body to his facially-imprecise but amply-bedicked statue, to a glorified home movie disguised as a feature film, and even to his own, apparently delicious crotch, it’s long been evident that R...
Manchester United Avoid Humiliation By Winning A Worthless Manchester Derby
The most interesting part of yesterday’s match between Manchesters United and City—it’s an insult to the proud tradition of the Manchester Derby to use that hallowed moniker when describing an early round match in the most garbage cup competition in Europe, the League Cup—came an hour before the mat...
Report: Yoenis Cespedes To Opt Out Of His Mets Contract
Mets fans got a brief respite from seeing the squad hamstrung by its penny-pinching owners when the team signed Yoenis Cespedes to a three-year, $75 million deal last winter. There was a catch, though, in that the deal came with an opt-out clause after the first season. Now Jon Heyman is reporting t...
What's Wrong With The Jets, Besides Everything?
Six games in, let’s check in on the 2016 New York Jets:...
Salty-Ass Cristiano Ronaldo Flips Out After Teammate Laughs At Him
Regular human beings Danilo and Marcelo shared a laugh during Real Madrid training yesterday after the former did that funny little thing that sometimes happens during piggy-in-the-middle games and passed the ball between Cristiano Ronaldo’s legs. The cyborg Ronaldo must not have had his emotional c...
Hey, Cristiano Ronaldo Scored A Pretty Cool Goal!
Well, well, would you look at this. Global icon, all-time soccer great, and technological marvel (seriously, how did they make this android so convincingly human that it takes a solid 10 minutes or so of listening to him before you realize he was “born” in an evil scientist’s underground bunker?) Cr...
The Dolphins Do Everything Wrong
Let’s check in on the Dolphins after last night’s walk through a field of banana peels, shall we?...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
How Deep Does The Browns' Kicking Disaster Go?
As with all things Browns, failure is not enough by itself. It can never be simple. It must always be exquisite, and multipronged, and avoidable. The Cody Parkey saga, which saw Cleveland’s new kicker miss three field goals including a potential game-winner as time expired, is a great example....
Ryan Fitzpatrick And The Jets Were "Shitty All Around"
After Eli Manning threw the Giants’ game away, it wasn’t going to be easy for the Jets to wrest away the New York tabloids’ back pages. Well, not only does Ryan Fitzpatrick appear on both this morning, but his achievement was so singular, they were forced to go with the exact same headline: “Pick Si...
Mighty Manchester United Back In Soccer's NIT; Back To Taking Ls Against Inferior Opponents
José Mourinho made it perfectly clear before his Manchester United took on Feyenoord in the none-too-eminent Europa League exactly how few fucks he, his players, and his club gave about Europe’s JV continental competition. Karma responded, in its typically darkly funny way, by handing United yet ano...
Cristiano Ronaldo Named Best Player In Europe, Wins Creepy-Ass Trophy
Cristiano Ronaldo, the greatest soccer-playing cyborg ever made/animated, had a year to remember. First, he dragged Real Madrid to Champions League glory (pulling them through the least daunting field maybe ever, but hey, winning’s winning) in May. For his next feat, he stood on the sidelines with w...
José Mourinho And Manchester United Are Really Feeling Themselves After The Pogba Deal
Yes, Manchester United won a huge, potentially era-defining victory when they convinced Paul Pogba to join them this summer. It makes sense that everyone at the club would be ecstatic about it. What is less necessary is the way the club, and shit-talk lover José Mourinho himself, appear to be using ...
Olympic Officials Apologize For Using Knock-Off Chinese Flags In Medal Ceremony
After Ginny Thrasher won the first gold medal of the Rio Olympics over Du Li and Yi Siling of China, Olympic officials raised incorrect Chinese flags to the rafter during the medal ceremony. See those flags up there? Notice any differences between them and the real Chinese flag below? ...