lol Page 27 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Dolphins Do Everything Wrong
Let’s check in on the Dolphins after last night’s walk through a field of banana peels, shall we?...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
How Deep Does The Browns' Kicking Disaster Go?
As with all things Browns, failure is not enough by itself. It can never be simple. It must always be exquisite, and multipronged, and avoidable. The Cody Parkey saga, which saw Cleveland’s new kicker miss three field goals including a potential game-winner as time expired, is a great example....
Ryan Fitzpatrick And The Jets Were "Shitty All Around"
After Eli Manning threw the Giants’ game away, it wasn’t going to be easy for the Jets to wrest away the New York tabloids’ back pages. Well, not only does Ryan Fitzpatrick appear on both this morning, but his achievement was so singular, they were forced to go with the exact same headline: “Pick Si...
Mighty Manchester United Back In Soccer's NIT; Back To Taking Ls Against Inferior Opponents
José Mourinho made it perfectly clear before his Manchester United took on Feyenoord in the none-too-eminent Europa League exactly how few fucks he, his players, and his club gave about Europe’s JV continental competition. Karma responded, in its typically darkly funny way, by handing United yet ano...
Cristiano Ronaldo Named Best Player In Europe, Wins Creepy-Ass Trophy
Cristiano Ronaldo, the greatest soccer-playing cyborg ever made/animated, had a year to remember. First, he dragged Real Madrid to Champions League glory (pulling them through the least daunting field maybe ever, but hey, winning’s winning) in May. For his next feat, he stood on the sidelines with w...
José Mourinho And Manchester United Are Really Feeling Themselves After The Pogba Deal
Yes, Manchester United won a huge, potentially era-defining victory when they convinced Paul Pogba to join them this summer. It makes sense that everyone at the club would be ecstatic about it. What is less necessary is the way the club, and shit-talk lover José Mourinho himself, appear to be using ...
Olympic Officials Apologize For Using Knock-Off Chinese Flags In Medal Ceremony
After Ginny Thrasher won the first gold medal of the Rio Olympics over Du Li and Yi Siling of China, Olympic officials raised incorrect Chinese flags to the rafter during the medal ceremony. See those flags up there? Notice any differences between them and the real Chinese flag below? ...
DeMarcus Cousins Doesn't Understand The Kings Draft, Either
How many centers should an NBA team have? One is clearly not enough, although the Cleveland Cavaliers just won the Finals without really playing any of the players technically classified as centers on their roster. You probably should have at least two, because big, tall basketball men are good at g...
Darryl Strawberry Says He Used To Bone During Games
Last night, ESPN aired Doc & Darryl, a 30 for 30 documentary about former Mets stars Doc Gooden and Darryl Strawberry. While promoting the documentary, Strawberry went on Sirius/XM radio to talk about the crazy times he lived through....
The Newest Front In The Barcelona-Real Madrid Rivalry Is Photoshopping Ronaldo's Abs
For the motivated and inspired, there is a nearly unending list of things you can criticize and/or laugh at Cristiano Ronaldo about. One of the few things not on that list is disputing the chiseled nature of every inch of the man’s body. And yet a Catalan TV station tried exactly that when they snuc...
Ronaldo's Performance During Euro Final Was Like Christ's Victory Over Sin And Death, Says His Sister
Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t turn water into wine or rise from the dead or even play the vast majority of the Euro 2016 final Portugal won last weekend. But he did hurt his knee and cry, which was apparently enough for his sister to compare him to Christ on the cross....
José Mourinho Is Back, And He's His Old Shit-Talking Self
The José Mourinho Era at Manchester United officially kicked off today as the Portuguese manager was finally unveiled for the job he’s not-so-secretly pined after for years and we’ve all known he would get for months. Judging by the track suit he slipped into for the photo op on Old Trafford’s pitch...
Noah Syndergaard Lied To Reporters About His Injured Elbow, For Some Reason
Last night against the Nationals, Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard made his first start since being removed from a game with elbow discomfort. Syndergaard was not sharp, lasting just three innings and surrendering five runs, and right after the game Mets beat writers started reporting that Syndergaard ...
That's Not My Name
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Alejandro De Aza Redefines Boneheaded Play
Mets outfielder Alejandro de Aza did nearly everything wrong tonight in the tenth inning of New York’s scoreless tie against the Braves: he botched the bunt, didn’t run it out, and then slid into first base—headfirst, even. Good job, good effort!...
Terry Collins Got Sassy With The Mets' PR Director
The Mets had a stressful afternoon yesterday. In one inning against the Kansas City Royals, Noah Syndergaard and Yoenis Cespedes left the game with elbow discomfort and a wrist sprain, respectively. Things were looking pretty ominous for a bit:...
Fed-Up Ronaldo Responds To Reporter's Question By Chucking Microphone Into Lake
So ... does this mean Cristiano Ronaldo is in fact ready for today’s big game?...