nit Page 217 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chelsea Storms Back To Force Manchester United FA Cup Replay; Winner To Face Manchester City; Chaos To Ensue
It only took five minutes for Manchester United to draw first blood against their rivals Chelsea in today's quarterfinal FA Cup match. Michael Carrick drove a great ball over the Chelsea defense which found Javier Hernandez's head. Instead of heading it down, as forwards are taught, the Mexican str...

Wild Animal Bites Soccer Player Mid-Match
Can animals be idiots? Or maybe we can call Zurich's Loris Benito an idiot for trying to capture the marten—which Wikipedia informs is a wolverine/badger-like animal that feeds on squirrels, rabbits, mice and human digits apparently—during a Swiss Super League match with FC Thun today. He was able...

Two Florida Policemen Used Lights, Sirens And May Have Sped To Get Equipment To Five Florida Panthers Call-Ups
Don't think people in Florida are invested in hockey? Well, we have the story about off-duty cops using their on-duty accessories to aid the Florida Panthers for you: On Sunday evening, two Sunrise police officers, one driving a police car and one driving an unmarked police car, flipped on their pol...

One Manchester United Fan Was So Upset By Nani's Red Card, He Called The Police
United washed out of the Champions League yesterday, conceding two backbreaking goals to Real Madrid almost immediately after Nani was sent off for an unintentional boot into the torso of Álvaro Arbeloa. It was controversial as all get-out—you can see the video here—and surely swung the result....

Read Joe Paterno's Disapproving Letter To A Player Who "Cheated" Penn State Out Of $12.99
A 1982 letter from Joe Paterno to one of his former players first popped up on CBS Sports last Thursday, and it also appeared on former NFL player Dustin Fox's Instagram account. In the letter, Paterno takes the player to task for not paying $12.99 in hotel service charges that he racked up while t...

Manchester United Eliminated From Champions League Due To Ridiculous Red Card
Real Madrid recovered from a one-goal disadvantage to score a road win at Old Trafford and win the UEFA Champions League knockout round tie with Manchester United thanks to an absurd red card....

Penn State Trustee Anthony Lubrano Says Board Deserves Refund For Freeh Report
You remember Anthony Lubrano: he ran for and won a seat on the Penn State board of trustees amidst the Sandusky firestorm after criticizing the way the school fired Joe Paterno. He was well-known in the community as the namesake of the Penn State baseball field and a four-year varsity letter man in...

Here's A Wonder Goal From Newcastle's Papiss Cisse
This happened just before halftime of today's English Premier League tie between Southampton and crypto-French side Newcastle United. Newcastle goalkeeper Robert Elliot had hoofed a freekick from deep inside his half 60 yards down the field. It was a pretty pedestrian long ball to flip the field of ...

Rafael Da Silva Put Manchester United Up A Goal With A Screamer From 25 Yards Out
Manchester United is having a strong season, and sits atop the Premier League standings as of today, but the team can't fall asleep against "basement boys"—sounds kinky—Queens Park Rangers, the team they're playing as I write. Man U is currently up 1-nil [UPDATE: 2-0! Ryan Giggs, just as we posted] ...

The Rock Saves The Day. <em>Snitch</em>, Reviewed.
Snitch isn't great, but if you're like me and have enjoyed Dwayne Johnson more than his movies, his latest helps justify our faith in the guy. This is a B-movie thriller built around a real incident that's meant to show us the lunacy of our government's drug policy—and yet the movie's not preachy or...

How To Jerk Off In A War Zone: Servicemembers Weigh In
Last week, we published a military doctor's very useful field guide to masturbating while on active duty. Unsurprisingly, it elicited plenty of comment on the topic from experienced servicepeople, some of which we have collected for your enjoyment. Got anything to add? Leave a comment in the discus...

The Hockey Dad Who Recently Heckled Teenagers While Holding An Infant Fired An Employee For Tending To A Shooting Victim 10 Years Ago
This past week, we brought you video of a Manitoba hockey dad who called one 15-year old player "a midget" and subsequently threatened that player's father, all while holding an infant. (Sadly, the video is private now.) Then we brought you the news that the angry hockey dad, identified as Jason Boy...

U.S. National Team Member Robbie Rogers Comes Out As Gay, Walks Away From Soccer
Rogers, who had 18 caps for the USMNT, starred for the Columbus Crew, and most recently played for Leeds United, has made the decision to leave soccer at just 25 years old. He made the startling announced in a post on his blog, in which he also publicly proclaimed that he's gay....

Hulk Remains Our Soccer Hero
We've never shied away from naming Hulk our favorite international footballer, and with good reason: the dude launches rockets off his foot that are a far bigger threat than anything North Korea could stick together with Silly Putty. (Ex.) The Brazilian striker was back at his old tricks yesterday ...

Here's The U.S. Men's National Team Friendly In Tampa That <em>Outside the Lines</em> Thinks Was Fixed By A Singaporean Crime Syndicate
On Monday, we noted that the director of Europol, which conducted an investigation into the massive match-fixing scandal that has called into question a great deal of soccer's recent history, was a little surprised that the plot infiltrated the United Kingdom. Europol's Rob Wainwright told reporte...

The Ravens Won The "Fuck" Bowl, Too: An Analysis Of Twitter Profanity During The Super Bowl
Twitter reports that the Super Bowl generated 24 million tweets last night. Most of them were terrible, so I just looked at the ones that said "fuck." ...

Here's Video Of Newcastle's Danny Simpson Unconscious and Bleeding After A Late-Night Street Fight
Perhaps Danny Simpson is best known as a former Manchester United youth player, or as the boyfriend of a pop star and X Factor judge, rather than for his soccer skills. Now he can be the Newcastle defender who got knocked out outside a Manchester club late Saturday night! Surely that's an accompli...

When Amani Toomer Looks At Ray Lewis, He Thinks "Hypocrisy"
The Super Bowl media crush isn't just about the players actually playing—the black hole also sucks in retired stars like Marshall Faulk and Jerry Rice and, um, Amani Toomer. The former Giants receiver has an extremely tangential connection to Sunday's matchup—Toomer's Giants lost to Ray Lewis's Rave...

This Wayne Rooney Scarf Looks An Awful Lot Like Hitler
Manchester United increased their standing atop the Premiership ladder thanks to a 2-1 win over Southampton yesterday driven by a Wayne Rooney brace that brought fans at Old Trafford to their feet, if they weren't already upon them....