peru - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Peru Beats New Zealand, Becomes Final Team To Qualify For World Cup
Peru defeated New Zealand tonight, 2-0, to qualify for their first World Cup since 1982 and complete next year’s 32-team field....
Lionel Messi Is All Alone
It’s a funny thing, talking about what an athlete deserves. Sports are the ultimate results-oriented business, where no matter how much you love your mother or how kind and considerate you are to lovers and waiters or even how well you played in any given game, if the final whistle blows and you loo...
Let's Fry Some Sweet Plantains, And Then Never Eat Green Bananas Ever Again
When the fabric of my family is someday finally rent, and generations of heirs and descendants wage decades of bitter war upon one another, and oaths become ancient curses until the family tree is left utterly in ruin, the issue won’t be money, or land, or politics, or even whether it is called “tun...
Over 1,000 Kilos Of Cocaine Hidden In Boxes Labeled With Lionel Messi's Face
The above picture depicts some of the hundreds of cases ostensibly filled with tasty squid filets seized by Peruvian authorities yesterday. On the outside of these boxes are labels upon which the image of Barcelona star Lionel Messi, his name, and his brand logo are printed. On the inside are bricks...
Italian Soccer Guy Scores Most Bellissimo Goal Of His Vita
Mamma mia! Here’s Perugia forward Francesco Nicastro serving up the spiciest of meatballs with this outrageous jumping, spinning, backheel volley in Italy’s Serie B:...
Peru Knock Brazil Out Of Copa América On Obvious, Uncalled Handball
Peru earned their first in-competition win over Brazil since 1975 thanks to an incredibly obvious handball that interrupted the game for several minutes and appeared to leave the referee in a state of catatonic confusion....
Skateboarding Bulldog Sets New World Record
Something incredible happened this week in Peru: an English bulldog named Otto set the new world record for “longest human tunnel traveled through by a skateboarding dog.” Otto, we salute you....
Neymar, Brazil's Soccer Messiah, Is Somehow Surpassing His Own Hype
A fundamental part of the marvel that is LeBron James is the sheer madness of his journey. Here is a man who was on the cover of national magazines and playing in front of millions on cable TV as a high schooler, who by the time he was eligible to vote was already being hailed as the successor to qu...
Horrible, No-Good Keeper Sends Flying, Cleats-First Kick Into Ref's Back
A yellow? You’re going to try to embed your cleats into this unsuspecting referee’s vertebrae for a measly yellow card? The world’s a cold, cold place....
Team-Wide Meltdown Ends With Manager, 4 Players Red-Carded In 5 Minutes
Okay, you’re losing, and it’s at home, and maybe you feel the first straight red shown to one of your players was harsh, but Jesus, guys, get ahold of yourselves....
Soccer Player Struck By Lightning, Thought Dead, Says He Survived
Joao Contreras Fuentes is either one lucky son of a bitch or tops on God's shit list, take your pick. He was playing soccer for the club Sport Aguila in the Copa Peru when a bolt of lighting leaped from Zeus' fingertip and basically erased Fuentes in the fashion of blowing out a candle. The bolt ign...
This Shameful Display Of Mass Injury-Faking Is The Pinnacle Of Diving
Here it is, soccer haters. If any of you needed that one crucial piece of evidence that the sport's players were a bunch of diving, playacting wimps, this video showing five Defensor Bolívar players faking injuries, forcing the ref to end the match eight minutes early, should be just what you've ...