Peru - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Aging Fraud Luis Suárez Misses Only Penalty In Shootout Against Peru, Ends Uruguay's Copa América Campaign
The trade-off in having Luis Suárez on a team has always been for every person he bites, black player he racially abuses, or referee he headbutts, he’ll score at least a couple dozen goals to make up for all of that shithousery. But it appears that as he’s reached his 30s, the playing abilities that...
When Your Country Is On Fire, There's Always Softball
When he lived in Venezuela, Freddy de Freitas played baseball every day of the week, except for the occasional Monday. He played and baked under the Caracas sun on weekends, and on weekdays after work he’d rush over to his local stadium to play under the lights. That was before the stadium lights st...
Peru Just Might Have Enough To Make This Their Lucky Year
This is the first World Cup since 1982 for Peru, but that doesn’t mean they’re here just to play three games and go home. After weathering an absolutely cutthroat cycle of South American qualifying and earning a spot in a group from which they’re favored to place second and advance, Peru are poised ...
No, The USMNT Will Not Be Replacing Peru In The World Cup
Maybe you have seen this rumor circulating recently: Peru, the last team to earn their spot in the 2018 World Cup, might be passing a law that would disqualify them from participating in the World Cup, and like some dismal, shameful Christmas miracle, your very own U.S. Men’s National Team might rep...
Peru Beats New Zealand, Becomes Final Team To Qualify For World Cup
Peru defeated New Zealand tonight, 2-0, to qualify for their first World Cup since 1982 and complete next year’s 32-team field....
Lionel Messi Is All Alone
It’s a funny thing, talking about what an athlete deserves. Sports are the ultimate results-oriented business, where no matter how much you love your mother or how kind and considerate you are to lovers and waiters or even how well you played in any given game, if the final whistle blows and you loo...
Over 1,000 Kilos Of Cocaine Hidden In Boxes Labeled With Lionel Messi's Face
The above picture depicts some of the hundreds of cases ostensibly filled with tasty squid filets seized by Peruvian authorities yesterday. On the outside of these boxes are labels upon which the image of Barcelona star Lionel Messi, his name, and his brand logo are printed. On the inside are bricks...
Peru Knock Brazil Out Of Copa América On Obvious, Uncalled Handball
Peru earned their first in-competition win over Brazil since 1975 thanks to an incredibly obvious handball that interrupted the game for several minutes and appeared to leave the referee in a state of catatonic confusion....
Skateboarding Bulldog Sets New World Record
Something incredible happened this week in Peru: an English bulldog named Otto set the new world record for “longest human tunnel traveled through by a skateboarding dog.” Otto, we salute you....
Neymar, Brazil's Soccer Messiah, Is Somehow Surpassing His Own Hype
A fundamental part of the marvel that is LeBron James is the sheer madness of his journey. Here is a man who was on the cover of national magazines and playing in front of millions on cable TV as a high schooler, who by the time he was eligible to vote was already being hailed as the successor to qu...
Horrible, No-Good Keeper Sends Flying, Cleats-First Kick Into Ref's Back
A yellow? You’re going to try to embed your cleats into this unsuspecting referee’s vertebrae for a measly yellow card? The world’s a cold, cold place....
Team-Wide Meltdown Ends With Manager, 4 Players Red-Carded In 5 Minutes
Okay, you’re losing, and it’s at home, and maybe you feel the first straight red shown to one of your players was harsh, but Jesus, guys, get ahold of yourselves....