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55-Year-Old Former Clipper Also Dunks Over A Car
Your morning roundup for March 8, the day we didn't want to dine with zombies....

Some Videos Of Football People Weeping And Wailing
The Spoiler is feeling all emotional this Monday, but as we're unable to find our copy of The Notebook, we've decided to reminisce about players and managers, past and present, who've shed salty tears of despair over The Beautiful Game....

Hines Ward Is One Of The Stars With Whom People Will Dance
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Ward on his DWTS chances....

A Bad Night In Newark, Redeemed By A Single Punch
NEWARK — The fights Saturday night were in Newark. Not in the actual stadium, the Prudential Center, but next door, in a big, boxy, white warehouse where the New Jersey Devils practice. The ice rink was covered with a green, turf-like carpet that wasn't quite sized properly, resulting in large carpe...

Man U Player Suffers "Horrific Injury That Cut To The Bone"
It wasn't quite Lawrence Taylor meets Joe Theismann's leg, but Manchester United's Nani suffered a pretty gnarly leg injury during today's 3-1 loss to Liverpool....

Six Degrees Of NBA Separation; Or, Why Buddha Is The Center Of The Basketball Universe
This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard Sports Analysis Collective. Today: Connecting Blake Griffin and Charlie Parsley in eight easy steps....

Great Sportswriters Will Read Aloud In A Bar At Tonight's Varsity Letters
NYC folks: Gelf's Varsity Letters free reading series returns tonight, with wisdom and writing from John Eisenberg, Doug Merlino, and L. Jon Wertheim. Head to Le Poisson Rouge on Bleecker Street at 7:30. It will be le great. [Gelf Magazine]...

Undercut On Breakaway Dunk Leaves High Schooler Temporarily Paralyzed
Alex Etherington, a 6'5" small forward at Hamilton Heights High School in Indiana, had an open look at the basket just minutes into a game against Peru High on Saturday. The score was just 2-0, but a Peru player still attempted to stop Etherington's dunk attempt with a vicious undercut push from b...

Celtic V Rangers Madness — Everyone Goes Crazy!
El Hadji Diouf playing for Rangers against Celtic. What could go wrong?...

Bo The Bailer And His Ex Sara Were On Tosh.0 Last Night
Bo "the Bailer" Wyble and Sara Saco-Vertiz were the subject of a 6:28 "Web Redemption" segment on last night's Tosh.0. The "Foul Ball Couple" shared some lovely tidbits....

Deadspin Presents An Interpretive Rendering Of Cal Ripken Jr.'s Young Adult Book
We received an email from Cal Ripken Jr.'s publicity team at Random House, which will release his three-CD audiobook, HOTHEAD, next Tuesday. HOTHEAD (the caps are apparently intentional) is about a Babe Ruth League shortstop named Connor Sullivan and is "loosely based on challenges Ripken himself ...

Is The London Olympic Logo A Zionist Conspiracy, Or Is It Just Lisa Simpson Giving Bart A Blowjob?
There are two dominant conspiracies behind the London Olympics logo, which, if you ask Iranians and Simpsons enthusiasts, is trying suspiciously hard to be just ugly blocky numbers spelling out the year "2012." The Lisa Simpson and "Zion" theories, as well as a swastika interpretation, emerged whe...

Kendrick Perkins Will Not Win An Oscar For Pretending To Be Happy In OKC
God, that's heartbreaking, isn't it? Going from a title favorite, where you actually like all the guys on your team, to a talented-but-unready Thunder squad. Perk couldn't even fake a smile for the welcome-to-the-team photoshoot....

Newspaper That Once Libeled British Footballer Now Reports He Shot An Intern
Has Ashley Cole become to News Of The World what the Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle was to Ralphie? Tempting. Teasing. Irresistible....

Oakland Man Just Wants Customized Raiders Leg Back
Oakland man Darryl Turner has had plenty of challenges in his life, losing his leg and paralyzing his arm in a motorcycle accident 25 years ago. He then spent the ensuing 25 years as a Raiders fan. And now someone's made off with his silver-and-black prosthesis....

Learn To Jog In Place With Phil Simms's 1987 NFL Workout Video
Phil Simms released this workout video in 1987, the year he was named Super Bowl MVP. It has lots of Lycra, big hair, and some help from pros Todd Christensen, Eric Dickerson, Tony Dorsett, Phil McConkey, Reggie Williams, Gary Anderson, and Rulon Jones. If by chance you still own a VHS player, you...

Pre-Mamba Kobe's High School Highlights, To The Tune Of "One Shining Moment"
Before Kobe Bryant was a five-time NBA champion with a shoe contract and a short film, he was just a regular high school kid who was documented by famous sports photographers on his way to class and who brought R&B stars to the prom. To remind us of that fact, someone from his alma mater, Lower Me...

Tiger Woods, Gone Fishin'
We were recently sent these photos of Tiger Woods in happier times. (These days, "happier times" just means "not golfing.") Just men being men, with no dames in sight, fly fishing with Mark O'Meara....

Wayne Gretzky Officially Has Better Hair Than Justin Bieber
The only part of this clip from today's episode of "The Talk" that's really worth watching is at the very beginning. The host asks for "somebody to help me out," as in, to make some noise, and a girl in the front row stands and holds her arm up in desperation; she's thinking she'll get to say some...

Carmelo Anthony Decided That New York Was The Place To "Bring My Talent"
In the Knicks' live press conference this afternoon, it took approximately two questions for Carmelo Anthony to explain that he had sat down with his family and made a "decision" (or a Decision?) to "bring [his] talent" to New York. He shall be known as LeCarmelo....