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The Wannstache Will Not Return
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: "Please, Dave!" they all cried. But still no....

Cristiano Ronaldo Breaks Real Madrid Goal-Scoring Record
When you sign Cristiano Ronaldo, you don't just get an oily gentleman who looks like he belongs on the Jersey Shore, you also get goals — absolutely loads of them....

All Of Edin Dzeko’s Goals From Last Season … In 2-D!
Unless people are making it all up for a laugh, the big news is that the robed men at Man City have splurged another £30 million on hot European property — this time, Edin Dzeko of playing-for-Wolfsburg fame....

Hey Sara Carbonero! Stay Away From Cristiano Ronaldo!
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

Elway's Back, Bitches
With the Denver Broncos franchise essentially reduced to rubble, John Elway will face a hell of a lot more than 98 yards versus a Cleveland Browns defense when the team introduces him as VP of football operations this week....

If You Mess With The Skunk, You Get Face Punched
So, former pro wrestler Christopher "The Skunk" Antal, who lost a mayoral bid in Massachusetts and pretended to urinate on a Brazilian flag on his cable-access show, was just charged with punching a 59-year-old woman in the face....

Ashley Cole Punched In The Underpants By Google
For all that is totally brilliant about modern technology, all this advancement has a downside. Notably that it's now damn near impossible to casually steamroller a whole host of women behind Cheryl Cole's back and ever have the whole mess forgotten about....

England Cricketers Celebrate Ashes Victory With A Sprinkler Dance
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

The Big Ten's New Logo Really Isn't That Bad
Co.Design talks to Michael Bierut, the guy responsible for the Big Ten's redesign, who finds himself assailed by the sort of conference alums who'd hate any logo that wasn't Bo Schembechler and Woody Hayes humping each other in a cornfield. [Co.Design]...

The Spoiler’s Premier League Team Of The Season (So Far)
As is tradition, The Spoiler shall start with the bad news — only ONE player from our "Predicted Team of the Season" compiled in early August looks set to make the XI once the league is done and dusted....

10 Extremely Biblical-Looking Footballers
Of course, most of the nation will spend the weekend embroiled in sprouts, drinking heavily, and most definitely not sitting down to rewatch Mel Gibson's incredibly inaccurate and rather over-the-top remake of The Life of Brian....

They're Finally Taking A Shotgun To The Metrodome
"Engineers at the Metrodome in Minneapolis used a shotgun Monday afternoon to rupture a roof panel that was under stress from accumulated ice." [Pioneer Press]...

Remembering The "Lorchcast," Worst Sportscast Ever
On Dec. 19, 1995, Matt Lorch, a fill-in sportscaster for KHQA in Quincy, Illinois, endured nearly six minutes on-air with malfunctioning videos, unplanned catch-phrases, and one of the most heartbreaking sighs ever sighed. Fifteen years later, we remember Lorchcast....

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 3,296
Ryan Leaf, having long ago surpassed the vaunted trifecta of failure, has just signed a three-part book deal. The CougFan.com columnist and former NFL player will write three books about the greatest tale of human tragedy known to sports: Ryan Leaf....

Gregg Easterbrook Is Still A Putz
Here are four sentences from last week's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column (or as I like to call it, יום שלישי הקוורטרבק בוקר). They are remarkable in that they pile stupidly on top of one another like a litter of puppies....

And The Crowd Pelts The Corner Kicker With Snowballs …
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

This Is Like 20 Times Worse Than The Sal Alosi Trip
Quietly, the NFL fined Carolina's Tyler Brayton $15,000 for setting a moving screen on an Atlanta gunner last week. That's less money than Alosi, and no suspension, so the NFL's consistent record of inconsistent punishment continues....

Yankees Fan Of The Year Michael LaPayower Gets Paid
Big Yankees Fan Michael LaPayower will have you know that the videos you giggled at won him a $2,500 shopping spree at the Steiner Sports 1977-78 Yankees Show silent auction....

Your Saturday College Football Bowls Open Thread
Three bowl games today....

Your Non-Bowl College Football Open Thread
Villanova lost on the red turf of Eastern Washington last night in the first Football Championship Series semifinal [News Tribune]. The second kicks off at noon, as Georgia Southern visits the mighty University of Delaware Fighting Blue Hens....