ti Page 1845 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Now You Can Bet on Which NFL Team Will Have the Next Arrest
Somewhere Roger Goodell is crying. Or making a boatload of cash thanks to inside information. Right now the Cincinnati Bengals lead the clubhouse at 5/1. Many teams are set at 25/1. Not content with betting on teams? In addition to team arrests, you can take the over/under on number of individual a...
Michael Phelps Slash Fiction Is Here! (It's Too Late To Run)
Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why no...
Tiki Barber, The C Word, And You
My favorite Tiki Barber moment will always be that time he appeared on the Discovery Channel game show Cash Cab. When asked what Steinbeck novel included a character named Tom Joad, Tiki answered, "Lonesome Dove." Your favorite moment may vary. Perhaps it was Tiki criticizing Michael Strahan's holdo...
Barack Obama and John McCain On Front Page of Orlando-Sentinel Football Preview
On Friday, that is. So all of you who have print media subscriptions in Orlando can kick the underside of your desks in anger that I've ruined your suspense. The two candidates are pictured holding footballs with the American flag on them. It's really tasteful. It's almost like Florida's an importa...
IOC Finally Launches Investigation Into Chinese Gymnasts Thanks To "Stryde Hax"
It appears the U.S. women's gymnastics team may actually get their coveted gold medals if an IOC investigation into the ages of the Chinese gymnastics team proves the little demons weren't all 16 years of age. After initially dodging all the questions, the findings of one U.S.-based blogger named St...
China Continues To Seduce Us With Its Quaint, Draconian Charms
Two elderly Chinese women who had applied for a permit to protest at the Olympics have finally had their request reviewed by the Beijing police. The verdict? Of course it's re-education at a labor camp for both. Thanks for writing in! Also, as I understand it, at their hearing one of the women was r...
Tiger Woods Is Jesus
At least according to a new EA Sports commercial for his video game where El Tigre walks on water—into a pond— and plays his ball from a lilly pad. The most amazing thing about this commercial is not necessarily that it was made but that EA is now watching YouTube clips and responding to people who...
Reds Management Would Like To Apologize For All The Sucking
In an odd move even for them, the Cincinnati Reds front office has written an open letter to fans to apologize for being in last place. Of course, CEO Bob Castellini and GM Walt Jocketty don't admit to any wrongdoing — there were injuries! And the weather has been generally bad! — but they don't wan...
Mike Timlin Will Take Care Of Your Ballpark Rat Problem
As long as Red Sox pitcher Mike Timlin is alive, Heidi Watney will never go hungry. Hope you enjoy squirrel, Heidi. You mean to say that hawk was a lovable team mascot? Sorry, my bad. Now, watch me shoot an apple off of a teammate's head. Damn it, hold still Youkilis! From Timlin's bio: ...
Is Alicia Sacramone The New Anna Kournikova?
What happened in the Olympics as you peacefully slumbered ... Even though she fell from the balance beam, possibly costing her team the gold; was browbeaten by Andrea Joyce, and finished with one measly team silver medal, U.S. gymnast Alicia Sacramone is emerging as one of the biggest stars of the B...
Tom Brady Is Secretly Fuming
Why, gaygolddigers.com? Why was I left off the list yet again? Manchester United midfielder Cristiano Ronaldo was named Ultimate Gay Icon by the web site, beating, as Goal.com put it, "stiff competition from celebrities such as Kylie Minogue, Elton John and David Beckham." Hmm. Personally I think th...
Stop Us If You've Heard This One Before
David Hirshey Michael Bertin writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer. If the season were to end today Stupid Fucking Bolton would be going to the Champions League. A corner of the universe just started to fold in on itself simply because that sentence was typed. If... If my aunt had a penis she'd...
Down Goes Chestnut! Down Goes Chestnut!
I speak for many when I say that my faith in the order of the universe was restored on July 4, 2007 when Joey Chestnut, the heralded eater from San Jose State, traveled into the lion's den that is Coney Island and dethroned the Japanese powers that had created a gastro-intestinal stronghold there. B...
Leitch Would Love Punt Returner Chris Carr
Chris Carr played three years with the Raiders before heading to Tennessee for a chance to makethe Titans' club as a special-teamer. He even had two punt returns in an exhibition game against his former team last night. But that's not why we care. No, we care because among Carr's other varied inter...
Daryle Ward Will Eat Your Children In Broad Daylight
The Chicago Cubs have just won their ninth straight game. In related news, Hell has frozen over, pigs are flying, gas is now 75 cents a gallon, and Andy Dick just had sex with a girl. This wild chain reaction began when Ward, in the midst of an 0-for-13 slump, hit a three-run homer in the ninth to p...
Got Any Tips, Mister?
Hey. I'm Josh Zerkle. Most of you probably know me as Monday Morning Punter from Kissing Suzy Kolber. I also help out here on occasion, and I even did some stuff over here as well. I'll be running the show over here for the weekend. Some of you already know what I bring to the table. The rest of you...
Robots In Spandex, Sleeping Until Noon And Falling On Your Ass
Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why no...
Beijing Opening Ceremony Performers And American Astronauts Have Much In Common
Say, remember those Opening Ceremonies from Beijing the other night? Pretty awesome, right? There was a globe! And glowsticks! And a scrim! And all kinds of crazy shit! As we now know, many of the elements from the ceremony were faked (or as fake as something involving a staged presentation can be)...
Michael Bertin Is Your New Closer
Unfortunately, we could not wrestle away previous soccer mom David Hirshey from his other "job" even though we offered him a drum full of mustache balm and unreleased nude photos of Pele to continue with us. The man simply wouldn't budge. No fear, though, because your weekly footie fix will be fille...
Sean Salisbury Isn't Angry Anymore
And here we have the second portion of our interview. It's more of the same, but Sean does calm down (somewhat) to emphasize a few things. Even though he sounds enraged when he's telling you "he's not angry." He's wholeheartedly trying not to be, but I get the sense that he could sound enraged when ...