v Page 3123 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Favre Is Like A Kid Arguing With His Parents At Toys-R-Us Out There
Fret not, Viking fans. I'm sure the sight of your quarterback arguing with—and then asserting his dominance over—your coach in the middle of Week 15 is no cause for alarm. All Super Bowl champs wilt in December, right?...
Jason Marquis Final Key To The Nationals 20-Year Rebuilding Plan
Those frisky Nats have bolstered their pitching staff by nabbing someone on their wish list and the Mets continue to be enamored with Japanese players. Jayson Stark sports a mighty chub for springtime so you know it's time for HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....
Chip Caray Lines A Base Hit, Scores A New Job
Don't fret, Braves fans! Recently fired Chip Caray will be your play-by-play man for Fox Sports South this season. Said Joe Simpson, his booth partner-in-crime: "I hope the Braves' fans will be as excited as I am." [AJC/Suss]...
Jemele HIll Apologizes For Her Mouth Again
ESPN columnist and "First Take" talking face, Jemele Hill, suggested that Kentucky fans would be satisfied with Charles Manson as their head coach as long as the team is winning. UK was offended, so, of course, Hill apologized to them....
Decade Retrospective: 2008
We continue our year-by-year look back at the decade with the year 2008, back prohibition was the law of the land, back when Benjamin Franklin was running for his unprecedented fourth term as President. Simple times....
Arm Wrestling — To The Max!!!
As the runaway success of Chess boxing proved, any sport can be improved by adding ass-kicking to the mix. Imagine arm wrestling, where the rest of your body is free to wail on your opponent. America's got a new pastime....
The Game Ball Goes To The Timekeeper
The clock inexplicably stops to give the home team extra time on their last possession. The refs huddle up and decide to end the game before the visitors can have theirs. You're damn right there's going to be controversy....
Yes Virgins, Shaq Did Have Sexual Relations With Gilbert Arenas' "Baby Mamma." You Can Blame Feminism For That.
Last month, news reports began to surface that a centimillionaire professional athlete may have been unfaithful to his wife. Next someone's going to tell me Barney Frank is sodomist....
Redskins Owner Surprisingly Tone Deaf on Issue of Racial Sensitivity
White guy Dan Snyder fired white guy Vinny Cerrato and immediately replaced him with white guy Bruce Allen, so that he can bring in either white guy Mike Shanahan or THIS (white) GUY Jon Gruden. Isn't there some rule...?...
Bears Grounded in Chicago
The Chicago Bears are unable to make it to Baltimore, because of the massive terrible snowstorm that literally everyone in the mid-Atlantic area is being a tremendous baby about....
Milton Bradley Will Now Be Mistreated By A New Fan Base
The Chicago sports media trade Milton Bradley to Seattle for the remains of Carlos Silva. Nick Johnson will compete for a spot on the Yankees' disabled list. Ladies and gentlemen, this is HOT FUCKING STOVE....
The One With <em>Intense</em> Negotiations About Brett Favre's Butt Tattoo
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....
OK, Don't Blame Drew: ASU Coach Pat Murphy Was Forced Out Amid NCAA Allegations
The NCAA is accusing Arizona State's baseball program of nine violations, including the dreaded "lack of institutional control." Let's hope the NCAA's source is better than ours. [Arizona Republic, also]...
South Florida Player Speaks, Takes Coach's Side
Joel Miller, the USF walk on who coach Jim Leavitt is accused of striking, has finally given his own take on the story. He's defending Leavitt—just like his brother said he had no other choice but to do....
ASU Baseball About To Set A Dubious Record
With the pending investigation of "major infractions," Arizona State could become the all-time leader in NCAA violations. Purists demand a playoff, so that FSU can have its shot. [Arizona Republic]...
Nick Johnson Clogs Buster Olney's Bases
Ken Rosenthal thinks the Red Sox will go Gonzo and that Matt Holliday might consider signing with the Orioles because of God. Buster Olney calls Nick Johnson a "base-clogger," which makes me sad. Read on. HOT FUCKING STOVE....
<em>New York Times</em> Gets A Piece Of The Tiger Action With Its Hysterical PED Story
Tony Galea was arrested in October after a pack of Mounties found HGH and something called Actovegin in his medical bag. Neither, so far as science knows, is a performance-enhancing drug, but people have decided to lose their minds anyway....
Decade Retrospective: 2007
We continue our year-by-year look back at the decade with the year 2007, back when Tommy Craggs was a woman, back when Jack Nicholson was tickling our hearts as The Joker in Tim Burton's Batman. Simple times....
Vinny Cerrato Gets In One Last Zinger On His Way Out The Door
This morning's winner is apparently the Redskins fans who have finally managed to chase away one half of the dynamic duo that's ruining their lives. Of course, the Joker killed Robin and that didn't stop Batman from kicking his ass....