v Page 3280 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

To Watch Tonight
What to watch with your new friend, Mr. Happy Toilet ... • Arena Football League: Chicago at Kansas City (8:30 p.m., ET). Here's hoping for plenty of air-time for the Brigade Girls. [ESPN2] • MLB: Boston at Cleveland (7 p.m., ET). Hopefully it will be above 12 degrees. [ESPN] • NHL: Western Conferen...

Ron Artest's Lunacy Knows No Bounds
The life of an NBA entourage member is a hard one. Even though it may offer an otherwise unemployable sect of society the opportunity to live an exciting, fulfilling life vicariously through a pampered professional athlete, there is legitimate "work" to be done in order to maintain a prime spot in ...

Scott Spiezio Continues To Drown In Boozy River Of Sadness
Former major leaguer Scott Spiezio's tumultuous battle with alcoholism has been marred by some ugly incidents. But even though the 35-year-old Spiezio had some extremely heavy baggage, the Atlanta Braves took a flyer on the guy, hoping he could get his life together and earn a spot on the Braves ros...

Celine Dion Will Heal Olympic Rifts With Powerful Vocals
Celine Dion is about ready to choke a bitch if this Olympic boycott talk persists. Dion called on all people to "keep the dream possible for our young kids." She came to Beijing to express support for the Games after her concert in Shanghai on Friday....

Man U Rubs It In
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....

Carmelo Anthony, Driving The Lane While Drinking
Carmelo Anthony, on the heels of one of the biggest wins for Denver of the season, continued his bad habit of doing something stupid at just the wrong times this morning: He got a DUI....

Media Approval Ratings: Bill Simmons
With the NBA Playoffs tipping off this Friday, we couldn't think of a better time to finally take a look at Bill Simmons in this here media approval thing. And not just because of that NBA book that he's supposedly working on. (Though it's not on Amazon yet.)...

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest. most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......

Some Guy Other Than Tiger Wins Masters
There's something inherently charming about the ceremony that follows a Masters Championship. For winning the most prestigious golf tournament, you don't get a trophy, or a plaque, or an oversized check. You win a jacket. Here, friend, congratulations; have a jacket. Stay warm, friend....

You're the Immelman
It wasn't the most thrilling of finishes, but Trevor Immelman is your 2008 Masters champion regardless. Immelman, the first South African to be jacketed champion at Augusta since Gary Player in 1978, was able to protect the lead he held from the tournament's first round. Immelman's 75 wasn't all th...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while patiently waiting for Tiger to turn it up a notch... • MLB: New York Yankees at Boston Red Sox. Sigh [ESPN] • Hockey: New Jersey Devils at New York Rangers and San Jose Sharks at Calgary Flames. [Versus] • Animation: The Simpsons. Thank god. [FOX]...

Kentucky Boasts Top Eater, Fulmer Fumes
It's been a disappointing year for Kentucky fans, but now they can cheer on the top-ranked collegiate eater in the country....

Anna Is a Triathlete In Her Own Way
As a young man I once wrote a school newspaper article on everyone's favorite up-and-coming tennis star, Anna Kournikova, for no other reason than because she was the greatest thing to ever happen. Another time my father lamented the fact that I couldn't play in the Little League World Series (age r...

Steroids? Surely You Jest
Via Steroid Nation comes this morning's New York Times report on Angel Heredia, a federal witness in a sprawling investigation of track coach Trevor Graham. Mr. Heredia has divulged the names of a dozen world class athletes, including Maurice Greene. Greene's inclusion on the list comes as a disappo...

GOOOOOOOL(S)!
Things have certainly picked up in the Manchester/Arsenal tilt. Adebayor somehow converted a bending cross from Van Persie to give the visitors the crucial first goal. Rio Ferdianand nearly compounded Manchester's problems by putting one in his own net, but van der Sar was game for his teammates cha...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while wondering why Tim Tebow's dad doesn't marry Jesus... • Boxing: Miguel Cotto vs. Alfonso Gomez and Antonio Margarito vs. Kermit Cintron. This card is awesome. • Boxing: Antonio Tarver vs. Clinton Woods and Chad Dawson vs. Glen Johnson. Large has a great rundown of the big fight ni...

I'm Not Your Fwend, Buddy
You see, she's dressed like that because it was... raining. Forget all of that, the rain is gone and everybody is on the course in Augusta. Jim Nantz just called me his friend, so you know we're ready to go. Defending champion Zach Johnson is putting together the round of the day, but all his -4 ro...

Bryant Mercifully Leaves the Booth
Bryant Gumbel does excellent work for HBO Sports, but as a play-by-play announcer for the NFL Network he was terrible. Fortunately both parties came to terms with that fact, and we will no longer be subjected to any of his two-minute "mournings" or legendarily indecisive first down calls. Awful Anno...

Springtime For Meyer
• In Progress — CFB: Florida Gators Spring Game. Tebow is sick and Harvin has heel problems that tend to plague men of similar greatness. [ESPN] • In Progress — Tennis: WTA Bausch & Lomb Championships, Semifinal. It's Maria Sharapova and Lindsay Davenport if I'm not mistaken. [ESPN2] • 2:00 — Hockey...

Woodrow's Woes and Rory's Belt
Rory Sabatini will have plenty of time to do some more shopping at Hot Topic this weekend, as he became one of the top players to miss the cut at the Masters. Those who did survive the first two days at Augusta National are now underway despite a bit of atmospheric wetness. KJ Choi is already +3 fo...