w Page 4995 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Shawn Chacon Even Worse At Gambling Than He Was At Pitching
Las Vegas authorities have issued an arrest warrant for former Astro Shawn Chacon, after he allegedly passed $150,000 worth of bad checks at Caesar's Palace. Even worse, he always tries to split face cards. [Las Vegas Sun]...

Michael Jordan Is A Hall Of Fame Dancer
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Apparently "Season-Long" Suspension Means Only The Nonconference Season
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Catholic School Teams Make The Best Videos
A reader sent this in to add it to our gallery of team photos. But this deserves its own post, for you see, it's a high school team's music video. And it's every bit as amazing as you could imagine....

Nationals Set To Make History, Fail As Usual
Without the divine intervention of the Royals, Washington would have gone wire-to-wire on ESPN's power rankings. Guess which end of the wire. [ESPN.com]...

The Strangest Dirk Nowitzki Story You'll Ever Read
Deadspin presents to you a look at the burgeoning genre of Dirk Nowitzki fiction. Featuring homoerotic thoughts about Steve Nash, a Christ complex, and Oedipal musings. We are through the looking glass here, people....

Hockey Players Must Humiliate Themselves For National Exposure
Yup, that's Madonna being carried into David Letterman's show by the New York Rangers. The Blueshirts also delivered the first Top Ten list in years to actually have a funny #1. [NYRangers.com]...

Book From Hell
So, by the looks of it, Rick Reilly®'s new book promises to be a thoroughly dignified affair that won't in any way represent another sad step in a once-great sportswriter's descent into self-parody and studied wackiness. That much is evident....

Buzz Bissinger's Highlight Reel
So that happened. Buzz Bissinger popped up in the comments section this afternoon and he did not disappoint....

Minnesota Takes Characteristically Polite Umbrage At Sign-Stealing Allegations
You saw the video this morning. The Twins have responded with amusement and gentle outrage at any suggestion that Joe Mauer might've been relaying signs from second base like some Navy signalman on the flight deck of the Nimitz....

Angry Interplanetary Ice Bear Will Destroy Anchorage, Bring Back Hockey
Seriously, this bear is fucking pissed. Wouldn't you be if you were the mascot for an obscure college hockey team in Fairbanks and then got banished to the stars? I would certainly want to smash some shit up, starting with that small moon over there. Do not fuck with the Nanook Space Bear....

ESPN Plans To Favre The Favre Out Of You
"ESPN, says spokesman Mike Soltys, will announce that on next Monday's broadcast of its ESPN2 SportsNation (5 p.m. ET), it will try to set a record for the most mentions of Brett Favre on a TV show..."[AwfulAnnouncing]...

Ford Field Pants Dropper Can Totally Explain This
As you would probably expect, when one dude is caught on camera choking out another dude who isn't wearing pants the natural response is usually, "It's not what you think!" Well, the gentleman on top has finally spoken up....

Rushin Literature
Steve Rushin, the punster who used to write awesome features and dreadful columns for Sports Illustrated, has a novel dropping next year. It's about "a friendly and unassuming lover of clever wordplay and television sports." Steve's really stretching himself. [Amazon]...

Please Wipe Down The Rim After Dunking
According to the Boston Herald, the NBA has issued "an anti-handshake" directive, asking players to fist or chest bump each other to combat swine flu. Also, please use a handkerchief when boxing out. [Herald/NoGutsNoGlory]...

More Jerseys For Your Closet Of Awesomeness
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

HGH Is P.O.'ed At T.O.
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Think There's No Cheating In Baseball?
Here's Joe Mauer, in Tuesday night's game, blatantly tipping pitches from second base. Trust me when I say there's nothing extraordinary about this sort of thing. [Via Total Pro Sports]...

Thanks For Your Years Of Service, Drunky
It's not uncommon for the media to take pleasure in seeing certain players get traded away. But maybe you don't need to run photos of his underage drinking alongside the story....

It's Business As Usual For Insane Wizards
Nick Young thinking he's James Brown. Mike James barking like a dog. The entire team Hula'ing invisible hoops. Yes, there was a hypnotist at training camp, but no one would be shocked if there hadn't been. [WaPo]...