w Page 5003 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bears Begin The Season With Five-Yard Penalty
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

An All-Too-Brief Moment Of Steeler Schadenfreude
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

If You Have A Heart Left, This Story Will Touch It
This one's for you cynical bastards, inured to a summer of miserable stories. With the death of a high school football player's grandmother, the only parent he ever knew, he gained two new foster fathers: his coaches....

Great Idea For A Paper Looking To Curry Favor: Hire Coach's Daughter
Not news: The Hartford Courant is planning to hire a new blogger to cover UConn women's hoops. News: said blogger's name is Alysa Auriemma. Conflict of interest much?...

Introducing The Learning Curve
Many readers have inquired about the lack of coverage we provide to lesser known blogs these days. Rightfully so. I'd like to showcase those newer, under-trafficked blogs on a daily basis. But...there's a catch....

Orlando Brown Allegedly Leaves His Ex-Wife Something To Remember Him By
Najeh "Deuce" Davenport was crowned the king of unlawful defecation after he took a dump in his girlfriend's laundry basket back in 2002. Now it appears the plunger has been passed to Orlando Brown, a man of even greater fiber....

Alexander Ovechkin Takes His Wii Very Seriously
Alexander Ovechkin stopped traffic yesterday so he could drive a Zamboni down Manhattan's Sixth Avenue and then school me in some video game hockey. Not as fun as doing 180 with Rachel Nichols riding shotgun, but it was only Wednesday....

Love And Football. The Return Of The Jamboroo
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find links to more of Drew's stuff at his Twitter feed....

Mark Whicker Has Left The Yard Before
The year was 1991. Journalist and ex-Marine Terry Anderson had just been freed after nearly seven years of captivity in Lebanon. Seven years is a long time. Luckily, a columnist named Mark Whicker was around to put it in perspective....

Nationals Manager Says Baseball Isn't "Physically Taxing"
Interim Washington manager Jim Riggleman doesn't want to hear about late-season blues wearing his team down, because baseball isn't even that hard to begin with. Especially when you play it the Washington Nationals way!...

Starbury Addresses The Gay Jokes In True Starbury Fashion
With another video. In which he sings. And displays his painted toenails. And says, "If you think I'm gay, leave me in a room with your girl for an hour and she's gonna tell you how gay I am." [NESWsports.com]...

Out-Of-Context Quotes Make Shawne Merriman Look Pretty Guilty
"I've been able to knock somebody out....I must have split personalities....I'm so dangerous right now I scare myself." [Playboy]...

NASCAR Jesus Would Like To Buy You A Bud
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

The Tale Of Melanie Oudin And The Homewrecker
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Drunken Jellyfish Bandit Begins His Reign Of Terror
An intoxicated Florida beachgoer was arrested after pretending to drown in order to lure in would-be rescuers, only to hurl jellyfish at them when they approached. That's the greatest sentence I've ever written. [St. Pete Times]...

Look Who Can Finally Afford A Mac
Viewers were shocked and appalled to see the YES Network cameras focus on Emeritus looking like a real grown-up reporter during tonight's Yankee game. One reader described his performance as "surly." [H/T Matthew and Kevin]...

After Unanimous Backlash, Mark Whicker Responds
Though the column was published Monday night, Whicker's Jaycee Dugard column didn't strike the collective nerve of the Internet until today. I got in touch with the OC Register's sports editor, and here's what he and Whicker have to say....

Mark Whicker Leaves The Yard
I do not say this lightly: What you're about to read is the single worst piece of sports journalism ever committed to the page....

Bad News Bears: Doc Has Newark's Fix
Doc Gooden has landed in Newark (and no, not to score blow). As the Newark Bears' new Senior VP/community ambassador, he'll be mentoring area kids, presumably on how not to wind up like Doc Gooden....

Brady Quinn Will Guide Your Browns To Victory In 2009, New Media Says
The Cleveland Plain Dealer reports that Eric Mangini has confirmed the report by Pro Football Talk via Terrell Owens' congratulatory Twitter message that Quinn will start this Sunday against the Vikings. Welcome to the new journalism. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]...