w Page 5292 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while waiting for the pizza guy to make a delivery whenever he damn well gets around to it ... • MLB: Chicago Cubs at New York Mets. Can we start tearing out the seats for souvenirs yet? [ESPN] • NBA: Eastern Conference semifinals, Cleveland at New Jersey, Game 4; Western Conference se...
Grab These Domain Names While They're Hot!
Being a part of this whole Internet business, we are constantly on the lookout for any new outstanding domain names, anything that will further help penetrate the social consciousness. Thankfully, Digital Headbutt has compiled a helpful list of unclaimed sports domain names that we suggest you all b...
The Edge Of Wetness
The other day we reported on the glory that is Pee Your Pants For The Brewers, the site that wants you to pledge to pee your pants should Milwaukee win the NL Central (no fair buying pre-peed pants). In less than a week, an additional 1,644 people have vowed to wet themselves should the Brewers do t...
That Lovable Losing Bull Moose
The continued futility of Teddy Roosevelt to ever win one of the presidential mascot races at RFK Stadium has been well documented, but no one has ever thought to ask Teddy what he thinks of all the trouble he has been having. Finally, The Washington Post sits down Mr. Bull Moose for a loser's lamen...
When They Think About You ...
Last year, MJD told you about the special World Cup vibrators named after German "stars" Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn, which promised to make women feel "'like you've won the world cup of sex," which hopefully doesn't involve a head butt....
Apparently, The Warriors Can Lose At Home
In their their preview of the Suns-Spurs series, Free Darko, describing Stephen Jackson and the Golden State Warriors, wrote, "Stephen Jackson doesn't care because he has nothing to lose, and thus is invincible." For the first time, last night, his team looked like it cared, like it had a lot to los...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while tripping on peyote at the roulette table with your dead nephew's Vegas hooker. ... • NBA: Down go the Warriors! Utah 115, Golden State 101. • Golf: So out ... crooked baseball caps. So in ... Phil Mickelson golf visors. • MLB: Rockies caught in a vicious cycle thanks to Giants,...
To Watch Tonight...
• 8:00, ESPN. MLB. Detroit Tigers @ Minnesota Twins. A guy named Boof should have a giant red afro, or a curly mustache or something. • 8:00, Comedy Central. Movie. Bad Santa. Underrated in my view, but cursing at children makes me laugh. Don't judge me. • 9:30, TNT. NBA Playoffs. Utah Jazz @ Golden...
Alex Rodriguez, Amateur Urologist
Not to be outdone by the Brewers and their rectal exams, Alex Rodriguez appears to have decided to give Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang a free urological exam in the middle of the game....
Tedy Bruschi's Going To Want To Try This Out Now
You know, a lot of people express concern about our nation's youth. But I say, when you've got a 13-year-old boy, smiling so broadly in front of a football star that he just tricked into throwing up the shocker ... I think the future's in good hands....
The Iron Sheik Is A Charming Man
I had no idea there were that many no-good motherfuckers in the world. I'm not sure, because I can't understand everything he's saying, but ... I think The Sheik even finds time to Barry Bonds a no-good motherfucker. It's at about the 1:33 mark, before says, "Tito Santana is a Mexican. He's OK. Bett...
Baron Davis Climbs Andrei Kirilenko
If you watch closely, you can see Andrei Kirilenko looking back at Baron Davis afterwards, as if to say, "You know, that really wasn't necessary." Even Adonal Foyle crinkled up his nose in a "Damn that was nasty," kind of a way. When Adonal Foyle acknowledges the nastiness, you know things just got ...
Greetings From The South Side!
• We really are gonna try to talk these guys into a Mattoon franchise. • Hee, hee, the Brewers put fingers in butts. • See ya, Chelsea. • ESPN is full of it. Who knew? • The Brewers will make you pee. • Yeah, not a smart bet, not at all. • We love a good Star Wars nerd. • Oh, boy, Roger Clemens is b...
A Tribute To All The Sports Moms Out There
As we remind you to grab your cards and flowers for Mother's Day on Sunday — we are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be in Mattoon this Mother's Day — we thought we might take a moment and remember some of the special mothers in the world of sport....
What Will Be The Next Health-Oriented Ballpark Promotion?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Temple's Inspired Obfuscation Falls Just Short
Considering the breathtaking amount of success Temple University sports have had over the last few years, it's no surprise that they were put on probation by the NCAA yesterday. We're so glad Temple's dominance was finally explained....
NHL Stanley Cup Pants Party: Red Wings Vs. Ducks
We have always found it amusing that Anaheim decided to take the positive modifier "Mighty" out of its name; we know they wanted to avoid the Disney context, but usually when there's a "Fighting" or a "Runnin'" in there, it's supposed to be a good thing. Now they are Ducks, simply Ducks....
Hey, If You Talk A Lot, And Loud Enough, Even The Serious Stuffy People Will Start Listening
We knew that Charles Barkley's Big! Opinions! had crossed him over from the sports world, but we had no idea it had gone this far: He's now getting the Serious Guy Treatment from The New Republic, of all places....
NHL Stanley Cup Pants Party: Sabres Vs. Senators
And here, you thought we were completely ignoring the NHL playoffs. To remind you: Canuck please!...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Boris Mironov fails to outwit moose and squirrel ... • NBA: Eastern Conference semifinals, Detroit at Chicago, Game 3. Bulls were just waiting for the right moment to pounce. [ESPN] • NHL: Eastern Conference finals, Ottawa at Buffalo, Game 1. We should, like, buy a case of Labatt Bl...