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Week in Deadspin: Thanks, Kyle!
• Kyle Orton and his buddies Jack and Daniel give us enough traffic that we are currently sunbathing on a beach in Boise. It's nice here. Orton says he's sorry, by the way. No need, Kyle! • Jesus don't want Josh McCown for a sunbeam. He would like Cheetos to replenish themselves, however. • Is Cha...

Buying T.O.'s Discarded Junk (For Charity!)
This man's name is Bob Lipinski, and he's an "entrepreneur" from South Jersey. (cough-mob-cough) And he is now the proud owner of Terrell Owens' NFC Championship ring from last year. He won an auction for the ring that Owens held to benefit victims of Hurricane Katrina. We've brought up our suspic...

NFL Roundup: Party Para Mexico
• We're a little slow this morning, because did a shot every time ESPN showed some Mexican "culture" during last night's 31-14 Buzzsaw victory over the 49ers. We know it's unusual to play a game in another country, but the slack-jawed awe of the broadcasters last night — "look, another local! Thes...

Week in Deadspin: Brokeback Mountain Men
• Wildly irresponsible rumors about Peyton Manning and Kenny Chesney. Nice hats, gentlemen. • We saw Bill Simmons and Chuck Klosterman hang out together online, and then we saw it in person. And then Bill deconstructed himself better than we ever could. • Etan Thomas loves analyzing Abe Pollin's p...

Yahoo Sneaks Past ESPN.com
We know you love those Web site ranking numbers, so we've got some more for you, and they're good ones. Last week, Yahoo Sports — are we supposed to use the exclamation point? We always feel like goobers typing "Yahoo!" — beat ESPN.com in both unique users and visitors. We've heard all kinds of ar...

Tom Brady The Next Namath In More Ways Than One
We were pleased to see that Patriots quarterhunk Tom Brady shook off his hangover enough to lead the Pats to a last-minute victory over the Steelers last week; we were beginning to become somewhat concerned about his tendency to get all bombed and start hitting on Olsen twins....

Week In Deadspin: Is Manny Wearing A Ron Mexico Jersey?
• You thought Ryan Farnsworth was bad. You thought Bronson Arroyo tarting it up with college students who aren't his wife was bad. You thought that A-Rod and his wife living as closet swingers was bad. Until you have seen Manny Ramirez teaching people how to dance, you ain't seen nothing. NOTHING!...

Bronson Arroyo: Now Officially A Rock Star
We were going to reveal the final of our three blind items today, but those crazy ladies at On The DL have something even better for today, so we're gonna hold off. They've put together a compendium of photos online of baseball players boozing and tarting it up with various "fans" across the count...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while in the tub reenacting the battle of the Monitor and the Merrimack ... • MLB: Bonds hits 705th homer, is ordered to stitch actual asterisk to his uniform. • NFL: Brady's late-night carousing catches up to him in Patriots' loss to Panthers. • PGA: Some guy named Jason Gore wins s...

Week In Deadspin: We All Wear Masks
• Ed Hochuli ... JACKED UP! • Baseball players need motivational posters too. • John Marvel did not shoot pepper spray on you in a parking lot, so stop asking. • Tom Brady tried to get it on with an Olsen twin. That's awesome. • We repeat: Bill Simmons got his first boner from Cheryl Ladd. We just...

Blogdom's Best: Milwaukee Brewers
More than any other sport, baseball lends itself to individual blog obsession. Every Major League Baseball team has several blogs obsessed with chronicling the ins-and-outs of everything. Deadspin salutes these modem-addled souls and proudly presents Blogdom's Best, given to the most outstanding b...

Que Es Mas Macho? ESPN or Yahoo?
Lots of chatter from pretty much everybody involved in our sports Web site traffic report from last week. To recap what we've gathered:...

The Return Of Calvinball
Inspired by a recent post at Bleed Cubbie Blue — essentially comparing last night's Cubs game to "Calvinball" — we got to thinking about "Calvin and Hobbes, specifically "Calvinball." This item may be wholly inappropriate, off-topic, apropos of nothing ... but we don't care. It's about something p...

Tom Brady Loves Him Some Olsen Twin
Our big sister — and by "big sister," we mean "woman who wears shoulder pads" — reported yesterday that Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, in New York City for something called "Fashion Week," was sucking face with a bunch of women who did not star in I, Robot. Quoth a tipster:...

To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your children file for emancipation ... • MLB: Yankees at Devil Rays. Yanks try to win a series, finally, over last-place Tampa Bay. • WNBA Finals: Sacramento Monarchs vs. Connecticut Sun. Admit it, you're pumped. • MLB: Brewers at Diamondbacks. Milwaukee (72-72, NL Central) 20 game...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while conjuring that elaborate voodoo curse on the Saints' next opponent ... • NFL: Falcons' Vick, Eagles' Owens combine to inspire all kinds of feather-related headlines in Falcons' 14-10 win. • MLB: Bonds returns to take Giants' minds off of missing the playoffs. • MLB: Willis wins...

Welcome Back, Barry and T.O! It's Like You Were Never Here
Well, the night you've all been waiting for is here. The return of two of our very favorite subjects is tonight: Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens. Bonds is slated to bat fourth tonight against the Padres, and people are wondering whether or not they're gonna start walking him again. Meanwhile, T.O. i...

To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your hairline recedes considerably faster than the New Orleans floodwater ... • MLB: Padres at Giants. Barry throws down his crutches, returns to lineup. • Pickup basketball: NBA players' Hurricane Relief Game. • MNF: Eagles at Falcons. That lovable Terrell Owens plucks at your hear...

ESPN Ombudsman: You Kids Knock It Off!
Resident nerdy professor ESPN ombudsman George Solomon filed his newest impotent you-darned-kids column on Saturday, and, as usual, we imagine ESPN brass reading it, shaking their heada, chuckling, then tossing another few more Indonesian children on the fire. (It's gonna get cold in Bristol soon;...

Week In Deadspin: Here We Are Now, Entertain Us
• We spring forth from the Gawker Media womb, all colicky and cranky and looking like Don Zimmer. • Just $25,000 to have Stuart Scott spew catchphrases at your corporate retreat. • Larry King, baby. It's all about Larry King. • The Saints owner could end up being a real dick about this whole thing...